Orije Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 I've dated a girl for a few months and she decided because school work was getting tougher and she had less time to hang out that we should just be friends until about january so she has all of her college applications in. The past few weeks I have noticed that if i send a goodmorning text or any other text she doesn't reply, She is busy so i dont know when to call her cause when i do she says she is busy and has to do her school work and she doesnt try to call me. Also if i facebook message her, she would read it and not respond. I don't know if she is waiting for me to make all the moves to contact her or what, but if i try not to contact her for a day or 2 for some reason i always end up calling her. We used to talk on the phone every night after she finished her work all the time and it hurts when she doesnt reply on FB cause i know she is online. Any advice? :/
coolheadal Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 Sounds like there is someone else is involved now with her? Your now in the friend zone. So you not going to get what you want until you really find out what she's doing. Everyone can say they have no time for anyone, but they really do have the time. College, work and themselves. But you see she make you an offer to be in the friend zone only. So you have to wait for her to be available. But most like her have someone else. Even if she's telling you the truth can you really sit there and wait for her? Isn't your intent to be together like true boyfriend and girlfriend? In your message above the answer is yes, but her intent is not the same for you right now. Sound a bit cold also. Well you have her as a friend only. I would move on and find someone else that has the time for you. You just can't live and wait like this, your just end up hurting. Got to be positive today, just can follow this nonsense and all this negative doubt on her part for you both.
lakerman34 Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 Yeah man, sorry. Cut your losses, move on. Think about it. A text literally takes a second. Also, why else does someone have their Facebook open for long periods of time? Either they put it up and walked away from it, OR they are TALKING TO PEOPLE. Considering she's read your message and remains on, she's not interested. Find another girl, man. If she really liked you, she'd find time for you. You're young (I'm guessing) so there will be a TON of other girls coming soon. I was in your shoes many times before.
truth_seeker Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 She met someone else and wants you on the back burner when she is done with this guy or in case things don't work out with him. Just my guess. I would meet someone else and post the pics on Facebook.
Author Orije Posted September 30, 2013 Author Posted September 30, 2013 Yea i understand what you guys mean thanks. She called and i asked about it and she said for me to stop over thinking and being over dramatic. She told me when she usually talks to her friends she sends a message and has to go, but i demand her attention and i dont think i do that much. I asked if i done anything wrong but she just said she is extremely busy.
joeLove Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 She is extremely busy ... and hangs out of Facebook? That's an excuse. Don't give 100% of your time to someone who only gives you 10% of their time. That's a recipe for disaster. You should keep your options open and only give her 10% of your time as well.
cif Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 When was the last time she initiated contact? That should answer your question.
lakerman34 Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 (edited) Learn from this, and move on. With every girl, you will get better and better at this stupid game called "dating." This is what I'd pick up for next time: -When you hang out, make sure you are making physical contact (i.e. touch her shoulder, elbow, lower back, that sort of thing). -It's going to kill you, but be OK with the fact that sometimes you guys aren't going to talk at all for a couple of days. -Don't 'like' or post anything on any of her social networking sites. -Go 50/50 on who initiates contact -Don't worship her. Make fun of her (without being a dick) and it's OK to point out character flaws....just as long as you balance them w/ good character traits and knock yourself a little bit -Look for signs of her wanting you to kiss her and go for it. I can't tell you how many potential somethings I missed because I was too chicken to go in for the kiss when ALL indications were the girl wanted it -Be OK with saying 'no' to her from time to time, if she tries to break your balls (and she might do this), don't let her (unless it's a playful thing). Girls want a man that is going to take charge and that she can't possibly take advantage of....but is also a gentleman -Don't let her think that she is your only option. I'm not saying to talk to her about other girls or exes (never, ever do this), but IME, the last girl I liked, I would talk to other girl friends on Twitter, sometimes a little flirty, and she'd message me out of nowhere. Girls are a jealous creature. It's OK to take advantage of this, but don't play games That's all I got. I could probably go on forever. Consider this dead, man. Sometimes, we think we are friend-zoned, but there is sliver of hope and the reality is, we haven't been fully put in the friend-zone yet. Girls DON'T like putting guys there (contrary to popular belief). If they find you attractive (which, if you were taking her on formal dates, she probably did), they WANT you to be the man of their dreams. I don't see any hope in this case. You've been friend-zoned. Please stop talking/contacting her. Drop her completely (hell, I'd go so far as getting rid of her phone # and unfriend her on FB -- but wait a month of completely not talking to each other before you do this, otherwise you come across as a little bitch), and move the hell on. Find a new hottie, don't get too emotionally invested. This one may contact you again, but it's probably because she's looking for attention or an esteem boost. Hell, I have girls on my phone solely for this purpose. How I Met Your Mother (great show) calls this having a girl (or guy, if you're a straight girl) on your hook. The person on the hook thinks that there is still a chance that, maybe, if they hang around and do you little favors, and act as an arm to cry on that they may, one day, become your significant other. Happens, maybe, 1/100 times. The newest skill I've learned from the last girl that went awry -- women are much more relationship-oriented than us men. Once you've got them hooked, let them guide how the relationship is going to be. In other words, if she's the type of girl that ALWAYS likes to initiate contact, let her do so. If YOU have to always initiate contact, back off for a while, wait for her to do it. How quickly you go (1st date sex or 100th date sex) should be dictated by the woman, but you HAVE TO come across as the guy that won't let her put you in the friend-zone. Not in a million years. Let her know (without being explicit about it or creepy) that you have EVERY intention of having sex with her and that you like her and see her as relationship-material. My dad tells me that when he was dating my mom, he would have to physically leave his house when my mom would call so he wouldn't pick up and appear too available. Wise words. Edited September 30, 2013 by lakerman34
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