seductress989 Posted November 29, 2004 Posted November 29, 2004 Hello everyone: I hope Thanksgiving went well for you guys. My question is in regard to my ex. I know it may sound stupid and unimportant. But, I would really like an opinion on this minute subject; Why does my ex still wear the watch I bought him over a year ago when he claims that "he has no feelings for me"? I just don't understand why he doesn't trash it or something. It's not like I wear the rings and necklaces he bought me. Background: I broke 1.5 months of NC to see my ex. I noticed he was still wearing the watch and in his apt. I noticed the photo album I made and dedicated to him was out in his living room. I thought for sure he would've tossed that stuff by now. After all, it's been 6 months since I broke up with him and it's been nothing but drama after the fact. I would greatly appreciate any opinion on this minor subject. Thanks, again guys.
Merin Posted November 29, 2004 Posted November 29, 2004 Could just mean that YOU have excellent taste! Maybe he just likes the watch.. who knows? I guess I wouldn't read to much into things at this time.. there are a lot of people who keep photos and other things that had been given to them by thier EX.
Weird Posted November 29, 2004 Posted November 29, 2004 it'd bother me if i gave a girl presents and after breakup she decided not to keep them or use them. I'd feel like I wasted my money. Likewise, I would not throw away stuff a girl gave me because I don't see the point. A gift is a gift. I still wear/use stuff my ex gave me.
Author seductress989 Posted November 30, 2004 Author Posted November 30, 2004 Ok, I see your point. I now know for sure there is no chance of us ever getting back together. He already has a new girlfriend and I seen him like 2 weeks ago. He's obviously been lying to me when he told me that he wasn't dating anyone. Even though I told him the truth about that stuff(like whether I was dating anyone) , and I acted like I didn't care if he had a g/f or not. So, what gives on him lying to me about his new g/f? It just doesn't make sense to me. I would think that since she's been staying at his apt that he wouldn't want her seeing that stuff out. I guess that's the real reason behind my question. It just hurts so bad to know that he's with someone else already! It kills me and makes me so angry at the same time. I guess it will only help me move on like I've been doing. Any more thoughts on this? Thanks for the replies Merlin and Weird.
Weird Posted November 30, 2004 Posted November 30, 2004 I can only guess she is mature enough to not get pissy because her boyfriend has objects his ex girlfriend gave him. I wouldn't care if I was dating a girl and she kept stuff an ex guy gave her. Hell, he may have got her cool stuff I'd like to use/play with. As for you being angry, I really don't know what to say....You broke up with him so I guess you have to deal with whatever he does and accept it and not act like him moving on with his life is some evil act towards you As you know, the best thing to do is to chalk this up as learning experience and move on.
tokyo Posted November 30, 2004 Posted November 30, 2004 She is maybe the rebound and he doesn´t want to tell you, because he is still hoping that you guys get back again, that´s why he doesn´t tell you about his new girlfriend. And that´s why he is still wearing your watch. I don´t see your point in brooding about these things if it was you who broke up with him.
moon Posted November 30, 2004 Posted November 30, 2004 I wouldn't take it personally. I once had a boyfriend I used to give a lot of things to, for example a wallet and fanny back (small bag, you can carry around your waiste). He always had that little fanny pack when ever I saw him (after the break up). He used the wallet too. I think he just looked at the stuff and stuff for him....nothing more. I think it is nice to get something from somebody you love. I haven't received so much, though. I did get a ring once from a boyfriend. I kept wearing it for a long time. I never took it off, even when we broke up. But if he had actually noticed I still wore it I might have felt weird. But that didn't make me take it off. It had a stone on it that helps create courage (if you believe in "stones/crystal" power). I thought of this ring as a help for me to get over the guy. It was a comfort. I still have it and would be so uspet if I lost it.....but that's not going to bring back the guy. He's long gone. Sometimes things are just sort of momentos too. But they aren't going to bring back the relationship....usually.
Author seductress989 Posted November 30, 2004 Author Posted November 30, 2004 I am not taking it personally that he's still wearing the things I bought him. In the end, it turned out, I furnished about 1/2 of his apt. w/ a new TV, futon, kitchenware, wardrobe, car parts, etc. And now only weeks after seeing him and him lying to me, another girl is using the things I bought him. I know, I know, life isn't fair. But wouldn't something like that just piss you off? I would never take those things back, but the way he's been treating makes me feel like he doesn't deserve them. I know that these actions are a blatant form of moving on, but why didn't he tell me ahead of time? I do consider that deceitful and mean. Otherwise, I wouldn't be posting on this. I assume this "new girl" is a rebound, but who knows, she could be more. I am not brooding over this; I'm still wondering if I made a mistake in ending things. I certainly know that it is too late now especially for reconciliation. And I still have some things he bought me, but I seldom wear them or even look at them. It's too painful right now. Maybe his feelings are truly gone now and he doesn't even associate the momentos w/me anymore. I also thought of that as a reason for his actions. The reason for my anger is the fact that he lied to me when I was completely honest w/him in telling that I had hooked up w/other guys (not sexually) in the past 6 months. I told him that 3 months ago and he said he was hurt, now he seems slightly angry/jealous or indifferent. Thanks again for the replies everyone! I really appreciate the wide range of opinions. Keep them coming! BTW, Kooky, I am considering your theory. Interesting post.
aFighter Posted November 30, 2004 Posted November 30, 2004 I still have the silver pocket watch an ex gf bought me about 8 years ago. Just because were not together anymore it doesn't mean I'm gonna get rid of a kick a$$ watch now does it? I'd say he's feeling the same way about the watch you got him, it's just too nice to toss.
Author seductress989 Posted December 1, 2004 Author Posted December 1, 2004 Ok, I understand the whole concept now of him keeping and wearing the watch. (see 1st post) But what I don't get is him still having the photo album out in his living room filled w/ pictures of him and I. Why would you want to look back on someone that you claim that you're over? The funny thing is when we were dating he just put the photo album up. Now he has it out in his living room......?!?? I'm dumbfounded. Sorry guys, if I sound like a ditz, but I really don't get this guy!
aFighter Posted December 1, 2004 Posted December 1, 2004 The photo album could mean anything. He could just have fond memories and the album helps to keep those alive or he could miss you and thinks about what you two had together......orrrrrr.......he's just looking. God only knows. Maybe you should just ask him right out. Direct questions get direct answers, most of the time
NO cherry top here.. Posted December 1, 2004 Posted December 1, 2004 your over reacting. Does it bother you that he still wears it? or he still has the album? well dont read into much too it.. i still wear stuff ex gave me if i like it, doesnt mean i still like my ex.QWhen i wear it it doesnt sybolize my love for that person. just that i think its cool to wear..i dont even realize it somtimes. i mean if im really over somone none of that would bother me..just like old picture albums... so what?..are they supposed to throw it away and keep it away to not to be seen in sight? or burn it? if they DID then maybe that means somthing. but if its there and doesnt bother them.it means nothing..chill OUt
xxsilverdragonxx Posted December 1, 2004 Posted December 1, 2004 When I dumped by my ex a short time ago, I had given her a lot of stuff for her room. A small tv, various posters/paintings, large candles, etc. I also left some of my stuff over there, like a few dvds, whatever. Well, maybe i'm crazy, but i'd like to think that she will still keep that stuff, especially the paintings, because they mean a lot to both of us. If she takes them down....so what ya know? Thats her decision, I will always remember the way her room looked when I was a part of her life. But i'm getting off subject. Like [color=green]WEIRD[/color] said, I don't mind still wearing the necklace that my ex gave me. Her love might be gone, but she made the necklace for me, and I like it, so I will wear it until the string breaks. I don't think this is in anyway an issue. In fact, if I were to say, break nc and give the necklace back to her, I'm gonna look like a complete fool, and someone's feelings will be hurt. Forget about the watch. It was a gift. It shouldn't matter to you what he wears on his wrist because you two aren't together anymore. Ya dig? Now the [color=red]PHOTO ALBUM[/color]. This was the only part that kinda disturbed me. Personally, if I were to go back and look at pictures of me and my ex, i have many many on my computer, the only thing that that would serve is to further drive a knife harder into my chest. Or in simple terms, cause me pain. Thats why I don't brood over the photos, at least not for a long time until I am in a better state of mind. The reason he is still looking at them could be the fact that A. he hasn't fully gotten over you, and may be confused or disoriented in what direction he should take, or B. he is lost in the memories of those pictures and may be trapped in the past by constantly having them around to gaze at. What I did with all my pictures is pretty much the same thing you have to try to do within your mind once you get devasted by a breakup. I simply package all of them up, and put them away. That doesn't mean I forget, and even sometimes a picture or thought will pop out, and you just have to deal with it when it comes. IF it bothers you that much, maybe you should indeed ask, and fish for the information to satisfy your curiosity.
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