h0000 Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 My ex BF broke up with me cuz his feelings changed. Now after 2 months of me doing strict no contact,he came back to me,kept apologizing and wanted reconciliation. I know he's been trying to get with other girls. So he either cant get them or he find them no better than me hence he wants me again. Yes I still have feelings for him but I dont know if im the second choice or he really regretted it now? I dont know if i should give him a chance or not?..
Mariposa10 Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 How do you know he was looking for other girls? The problem here is what if he finds someone he likes while being with you again. There's a huuuuge chance he'll leave you again. I don't think he deserves a second chance. If you really love him and all that, ask him to prove it to you (you know taking thins super slooooow). But I don't know, I couldn't trust him.
soccerrprp Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 My ex BF broke up with me cuz his feelings changed. Now after 2 months of me doing strict no contact,he came back to me,kept apologizing and wanted reconciliation. I know he's been trying to get with other girls. So he either cant get them or he find them no better than me hence he wants me again. Yes I still have feelings for him but I dont know if im the second choice or he really regretted it now? I dont know if i should give him a chance or not?.. Oh, sweetie, you're his second or fall-back choice! He wouldn't have left otherwise. He already saw things about you that he couldn't accept and bailed on you in the hopes of finding better. He didn't and now wants you back. What makes you think that he will not dump you again when he sees something better? Can't decide for you, but I'd move on. 2
Author h0000 Posted September 30, 2013 Author Posted September 30, 2013 How do I know he has other girl(s)? I heard a little bit from his friends. I don't know what exactly he's done with other girl(s),whether its talking,flirting,kissing or sex, but I at least know there have been other girl(s)? When he apologized he said he was being selfish and stupid and he now thinks he would be happier if he were with me. I didn't reply. I feel he needs to try harder, if I should ever give him another chance.. or should I?
Mz_sassy_77 Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 I can speak from my own experience here and it did not work out well. We broke up several times for vague reasons such as he just didnt feel the same way, blah, blah. Came back several times and always said exactly what I wanted to hear. All of a sudden he had "realized" he'd made a mistake. So I kept taking him back. In the end we broke up for same vague reasons. It was just wasted time in the end. And he did turn out to be a complete arsehole in the end too. I think if it doesnt work out once, its not going to work out again. The fact that they are willing to let you go and risk you either moving on and meeting someone else, or just not wanting them back, says it all. If he really loved you he wouldnt of let you go in the first place. And even though you care for him, which is normal, you will get over it in time. You wont meet anyone else when your wasting all your time on him. 1
Author h0000 Posted September 30, 2013 Author Posted September 30, 2013 Oh, sweetie, you're his second or fall-back choice! He wouldn't have left otherwise. He already saw things about you that he couldn't accept and bailed on you in the hopes of finding better. He didn't and now wants you back. What makes you think that he will not dump you again when he sees something better? Can't decide for you, but I'd move on. well the exact reason he broke up with me is that he wants to experience more of life and don't want a relationship to tie him down. It is so stupid and it pisses me off but I refuse to think there is something in me that he couldn't accept. I always think at one point he shall regret. Im not surprised he tried to get with other girls since he wants to "experience life". I did with guys too. but good ones are hard to find anyway yeah...that still makes me feel like a second choice...
ScienceGal Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 Another chance? No. Unless you like feeling second best. and want to be cheated on and eventually left again. "Experience more life" = sleeping around. The right man will want to be with you. And, if it doesn't work out, it will not be because he dumps you to see what else is available. You're worth more than that, don't you know? He seems immature and confused. Move on.
Mz_sassy_77 Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 well the exact reason he broke up with me is that he wants to experience more of life and don't want a relationship to tie him down. It is so stupid and it pisses me off but I refuse to think there is something in me that he couldn't accept. I always think at one point he shall regret. Im not surprised he tried to get with other girls since he wants to "experience life". I did with guys too. but good ones are hard to find anyway yeah...that still makes me feel like a second choice... Sorry to say this but doesnt want to be tied down and wants to experience life translates to "I think there might be something better out there for me and I want to play the field". Unfortunately sounds like he hasnt found anyone else yet. I had exactly the same thing with mine. Its horrible I know and you do start to think why couldnt he just accept me for who i am....If he loved you really, he would embrace all of you, including your differences. Dont waste anymore time on him. We shouldnt feel we need to change to make some guy happy. They should think how lucky they are to have us..
Author h0000 Posted September 30, 2013 Author Posted September 30, 2013 I can speak from my own experience here and it did not work out well. We broke up several times for vague reasons such as he just didnt feel the same way, blah, blah. Came back several times and always said exactly what I wanted to hear. All of a sudden he had "realized" he'd made a mistake. So I kept taking him back. In the end we broke up for same vague reasons. It was just wasted time in the end. And he did turn out to be a complete arsehole in the end too. I think if it doesnt work out once, its not going to work out again. The fact that they are willing to let you go and risk you either moving on and meeting someone else, or just not wanting them back, says it all. If he really loved you he wouldnt of let you go in the first place. And even though you care for him, which is normal, you will get over it in time. You wont meet anyone else when your wasting all your time on him. so what do you think is the reason he did it? because he never really loved you? or he is just a messed up person whose feelings kept changing? do you ever think he came back because your his backup choice?
Author h0000 Posted September 30, 2013 Author Posted September 30, 2013 Sorry to say this but doesnt want to be tied down and wants to experience life translates to "I think there might be something better out there for me and I want to play the field". Unfortunately sounds like he hasnt found anyone else yet. I had exactly the same thing with mine. Its horrible I know and you do start to think why couldnt he just accept me for who i am....If he loved you really, he would embrace all of you, including your differences. Dont waste anymore time on him. We shouldnt feel we need to change to make some guy happy. They should think how lucky they are to have us.. yeah he probably has the "grass is greener" mindset..it's so inevitable at guys his age ay (23) .They all just want to sleep with all the hot women in the world..and they probably don't know what is love.
Author h0000 Posted September 30, 2013 Author Posted September 30, 2013 Another chance? No. Unless you like feeling second best. and want to be cheated on and eventually left again. "Experience more life" = sleeping around. The right man will want to be with you. And, if it doesn't work out, it will not be because he dumps you to see what else is available. You're worth more than that, don't you know? He seems immature and confused. Move on. I guess I post this question is because I saw some other posts where the dumpers say after experiencing all kinds of flings they truly realized they made a mistake...
ScienceGal Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 I guess I post this question is because I saw some other posts where the dumpers say after experiencing all kinds of flings they truly realized they made a mistake... Do you believe in your heart that two months has changed him? Be honest, most importantly with yourself.
soccerrprp Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 h0000, Well, his explanation of not wanting to be held down and wants to continue exploring says it all. Getting back with you is just another stepping stone to his wanting to "explore" the world. You're just a stepping stone to what he wants to explore beyond yourself. You have to know that's what's going to happen. He essentially told you that he is not monogamous, LT material right now. It's tough in the 20s and 30s. So many guys are simply not LT material.
Mz_sassy_77 Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 so what do you think is the reason he did it? because he never really loved you? or he is just a messed up person whose feelings kept changing? do you ever think he came back because your his backup choice? I think in his own way he did love me. But not enough to want to be with me forever. I think he definately has some issues. Actually several people said this to me. His parents have a weird, troubled marriage and he is terrified of ending up like them. So I think there were some qualities of our relationship that made him think we would end up like that. I think part of it too was that he would just get bored. After the initial high of meeting or making up after a break up and things would get into the usual relationship stuff he'd just get bored. I also think he does believe there is someone out there who is more suited to him. Basically once he'd decide in his mind it wasnt going to work for whatever stupid reason he had he would then just focus on the things he wasnt so happy about in the relationship and then would get to the point he could justify that as a reason to end it. Rather then being a mature adult and voicing his concerns so we could work on them, he'd just bail. Couldnt handle it. And yes i do believe I was the backup girl. Cos he was the kind of guy who just cant be on his own. And so after he broke up with me he'd get scared that he wouldnt meet anyone else, or just that there was no one else on the scene so he would come back. I very much regret taking him back over and over again. And you dont forget it. It damages the relationship. There are trust issues forevermore because you worry you are going to say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, or one day they are just going to change their mind out of the blue again - which is what happened to me. With people like these it doesnt matter what you do. They will always find a reason to end it. And it has nothing to do with you. You could even be perfect for them. They dont see that. And nothing you say or do will change their mind.
Mz_sassy_77 Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 Two months isnt very long either. You'd still care, you'd still miss him, you'd be thinking of the good times...that's totally normal if your human. Just I would worry about going backwards you know. You got through these two months, through the rollercoaster of emotions that comes with a break up. I would just not want you to be going through them again in another two, four, six months when he changes his mind again.
Author h0000 Posted September 30, 2013 Author Posted September 30, 2013 (edited) I think in his own way he did love me. But not enough to want to be with me forever. I think part of it too was that he would just get bored. After the initial high of meeting or making up after a break up and things would get into the usual relationship stuff he'd just get bored. I also think he does believe there is someone out there who is more suited to him. And yes i do believe I was the backup girl. Cos he was the kind of guy who just cant be on his own. And so after he broke up with me he'd get scared that he wouldnt meet anyone else, or just that there was no one else on the scene so he would come back. With people like these it doesnt matter what you do. They will always find a reason to end it. And it has nothing to do with you. You could even be perfect for them. They dont see that. And nothing you say or do will change their mind. I recalled him saying that he got bored with the relationship pattern when he was breaking up with me. It seems he enjoys focusing on his own life and women are just a side dish. In other words he only loves himself? But hey..do you think guys like that really exist? or he just hasn't met the one he loves yet? At heart Im not reconciled. I would be so angry/sad to think that someone is "better" than me, to him.. Sometimes I even think I want him back because I hated that I lost the "game" and I want to win back just to..prove that I'm worth it?. Edited September 30, 2013 by h0000
Mz_sassy_77 Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 I recalled him saying that he got bored with the relationship pattern when he was breaking up with me. It seems he enjoys focusing on his own life and women are just a side dish. In other words he only loves himself? But hey..do you think guys like that really exist? or he just hasn't met the one he loves yet? At heart Im not reconciled. I would be so angry/sad to think that someone is "better" than me, to him.. Sometimes I even think I want him back because I hated that I lost the "game" and I want to win back just to..prove that I'm worth it?. Yeah there are lots of guys like that. They are all happy to be in a relationship at the start, but then they just get bored. Too bad they dont have tatoos on their heads so we can spot them. I know guys like this exist - and my ex is one of them. All relationships have their highs and lows throughout. It does get boring sometimes. And thats why with these types of guys their relationships will never last. They actually dont want them to deep down. I think the thought of spending life with one person just terrifies them. Its really all about them and not so much about you. It took me a while to realise that I am worth it. Im worth more then this. Im worth more then someone who jerks me around cos its all about them. Im worth more then someone who bails whenever it gets too hard, or they get bored. I want someone who is going to stick by me. In the end I just couldnt be bothered with him anymore and his games. Just emotionally draining. And you know what else if he does meet someone else all i feel is sorry for them. Sorry that he will come across as charming and loving at first, and then one day out of the blue - BAM its over. Or the other option - the person he meets will realize he's not "enough" for them and they will get burned.
Author h0000 Posted September 30, 2013 Author Posted September 30, 2013 if I may ask, how many times did he come back to you? what was the last time like? He came back again and you ignored him? Do you know what his life is like now?
Mz_sassy_77 Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 if I may ask, how many times did he come back to you? what was the last time like? He came back again and you ignored him? Do you know what his life is like now? Yeah we did this 3 times - and everytime i was so upset. The last time as was the case with all the other times it was all good for a while. You know you make up and you think its going to be different. He must really love me right to come back to me. You put it behind you at first. But then inevitably he would do the same thing again - start to question things etc. And doing it so many times I knew the signs so I would completely withdraw from the relationship as a form of self protection I think. Cos i knew it didnt matter what I said or did, he'd already made his mind up. Which I guess would justify him breaking up with me also. Just a bad situation. The last time he broke up with me and it wasnt the usual nicey nicey it had been the other times. You know where you agree to stay friends etc etc. I was pissed. I'd already made up my mind if he did it again I was going to accept it and put him behind me. So he broke up with me and i said yeh i agree we should break up. Sounds easier said then done but I just made up my mind. And rather then thinking about all the good things in the relationship all I could think about were the bad things, which made it a lot easier. How he could do it again etc. All he cares about is that he can tell everyone he broke up with me, and trying to find someone else to fill the gap. At the moment he's out their playing the field. Trying to find his next victim. I tell you I honestly cant wait for him to start dating someone else. It sounds weird I know but I cant see anyway his relationships would last long. As I said he cant be on his own but he will pick someone else who has some quality about them he just doesnt like and then use it down the track as a reason to bail. That and his unrealistic expectations of his SO and all the issues he's bringing to the relationship. He doesnt even consider that maybe some of the problems were because of HIM. It was all me - things i were doing or wasnt doing. The thing is I am actually a pretty cool gf. He basically did whatever he wanted throughout the relationship, i didnt put any pressure or demands on him, actually did love him despite his many many shortcomings. So good luck finding someone else I say.
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