sandra parker Posted November 29, 2004 Posted November 29, 2004 I need some advice. I wa with this fellow for five years. We broke up once a year because he couldn't/wouldn't commit. I have a son who became very close to this guy as well. Almost four months ago we broke up again, for the same reasons. Only this time he has been dating someone new. He took her to thanksgiving to his family. She has a little boy as well. My son is sixteen and me ex wants to be part of his life still. He wants to support him which I think is a nice thing. However, it is very difficult for me to have him be involved at all. My son is very hurt by his leaving us and he, like me, struggles between loving the ex and wanting him in his life and being angry with him. My ex and I have gotten into some terrible arguments about this issue. My thought was that if he didn't want us, leave us be. We have gone back and forth with this and last week we told him he could come to the winter sports banquet for my son. Prior to that agreement, he denied having a girlfriend, told me he was through with women, blah, blah, blah...told me how "hot" I looked and then we find out that this girl is in his life. My son and I talked and decided that the banquet is a family thing and since he is not family and is seeking one of his own we don't want him to come. How do I tell him about our change of heart about this banquet? Call and leave a message in the voice mail? Write a note? Or just leave him in the dark about the time and place? I don't want to be a b***, but he has put us second to his needs. How would you guys handle this? Thanks.
indigo_moon Posted November 29, 2004 Posted November 29, 2004 I'm really sorry that you're both having to go through this. I'm glad that both you and your son could sit down and talk this out and come to the agreement that your ex not be present at the banquet afterall - given the circumstances, I think that's best for the 2 most important people involved: you and your son. If he couldn't handle commitment and has to lie to your face about this new girl, then he's lost the right to be a part of your lives any longer..he had his chances and he's hurt you both. As for how to tell him, i wouldn't recommend discussing it face to face with him....it will just be difficult for you and you'll likely both end up in another terrible fight. You are your son's Mom and have the final say, with your son's input of course. Are you able to email him?....giving an explanation (don't make it a long one......just be straight up and to the point) that in light of the rocky history together and how it's upset your son, that it's best he just leave you both be to get on with your lives, as he's obviously gotten on with his. ?
Merin Posted November 29, 2004 Posted November 29, 2004 Explain to your EX that you feel it wouldn't be in the best interest of your son for him to attend the banquet.. Regardless if your son is his biological child or not, your son has developed an attachment to him as a father figure, and this is obviously painful for him as well.. Let the EX know that you cannot accept him coming in and out of your sons life.. or yours for that matter.
Author sandra parker Posted November 29, 2004 Author Posted November 29, 2004 Thank you both so much for taking the time to respond. You are both right. I can email him at work, but I don't know if someone will read it too. I can call his cell when it's off and leave a message. I just can't get over the fact that he minimized this thing with this poor girl. I have a feeling he will screw her up roaylly too. He had a seven year relationship with someone else before me and did the same thing to her. I saw him the day after thanksgiving and had found out about his "date" before hand. I asked him if he was happy now and he made the comment on how he didn't want to be alone on t-day and how he thought about us (my son and I) and how the last three weeks have been so though on him and how he needs to get away from everything and how this girl scares him, he is so full of s*** don't you think and I am just an idiot for listening to him. I can't wiat to feel indifference towards him. I don't care if I meet anyone else or not. I go between begging God to make things right between us and feeling lime an a** for doing so. I want a date when I will feel like me again, LOL.
Merin Posted November 29, 2004 Posted November 29, 2004 Originally posted by sandra parker Thank you both so much for taking the time to respond. You are both right. I can email him at work, but I don't know if someone will read it too. I can call his cell when it's off and leave a message. I just can't get over the fact that he minimized this thing with this poor girl. I have a feeling he will screw her up roaylly too. He had a seven year relationship with someone else before me and did the same thing to her. I saw him the day after thanksgiving and had found out about his "date" before hand. I asked him if he was happy now and he made the comment on how he didn't want to be alone on t-day and how he thought about us (my son and I) and how the last three weeks have been so though on him and how he needs to get away from everything and how this girl scares him, he is so full of s*** don't you think and I am just an idiot for listening to him. I can't wiat to feel indifference towards him. I don't care if I meet anyone else or not. I go between begging God to make things right between us and feeling lime an a** for doing so. I want a date when I will feel like me again, LOL. Hang in there;)
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