patterson562 Posted September 29, 2013 Posted September 29, 2013 i have been with with my gf for 4 years she was my first gf and we were each others first everything and we even had a child together.but lately me and my gf have been fighting alot and shes become lazy and doesn't do stuff for herself anymore. ive been unhappy with her for the past year. ive met this other women who i work with i developed feelings for her and we even started doing sexual things together im thinking about leaving my gf for this other girl. but i dont know what to do. have you experience this and then regretted this? i want to hear from people who have been through this? did it work out for you? did you regret leaving your ex? how long do relationship like this usually last for?
Eddie007 Posted September 29, 2013 Posted September 29, 2013 I'm not speaking of your situation solely but it seems to me people are too quick to end relationships these days. Relationships require work and it seems fewer people want to put in the effort. When things get hard they just want to leave and find teir next relationship until the same thing happens in that one. In my opinion, you should do everything in your power to work things out with your current lady. That includes being honest that you've been unfaithful and she should decide wether you are worth it or not. 5
Mariposa10 Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 I seriously don't understand people like you. WHY NOT END THE RELATIONSHIP FIRST, before you start doing anything with someone else. I want to know what goes through one's head when doing that. I'm serious, when you two were doing sexual things, did you ever think of your girlfriend and daughter? If you don't want to be with your girlfriend, you don't have to. But why violate her trust??? I once read something, never leave your current partner because of someone else, if you do, do it because you don't want to be with him/her anymore. What you are doing is not fair, period. You need to stop it. Think with your big head not with the little one. Good luck. 4
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 You know.....its funny. I came on here and was wanting to give legitimate advice because I've felt the same way that you did at one point in my life. Whats different is I DIDNT CHEAT ON MY GIRLFRIEND TO DO IT!! I dont respect people who act like you, "mistake" or not. Tell your GF asap and break up with here NOW. She doesnt deserve that at ALL. I HOPE this "new" girl KNOWS you have a GF. If not.....you might need to re-evaluate your life. I don't judge peoples journey, but I'm finding it really hard not to currently. 3
Author patterson562 Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 so i don't know if you guys have read my other thread but i was thinking about breaking up with my gf and i finally did it 2 days ago. that morning we had a really bad argument so i had decided to tell her that i didn't want to be with her anymore she asked me why and i had told her all the reasons why.she packed up her things and she left to her sisters house she continued to text me and saying that she was willing to work out what what ever issues that we had so i finally confessed that i have been cheating on her for 2 weeks after i told her that she begged for me back and said if she can come home and work it out and i told her no i told her that it was too late. i feel really bad for hurting her but i just have a really good connection with the other women and she knows that i had a gf she didn't pressure me to break up with her or anything i did this all on my own. i still love my ex she was the mother of my child but i just couldn't be with her anymore. i just needed to vent because i feel guilty for cheating on her and i wish i could take it back but i know what is done is done
lindsay1990 Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 You don't wish you could take it back because you are saying you have a "really good connection with the other woman". I'm not trying to judge but I'm not going to try and be understanding either, but you screwed over/dumped the mother of your child over a "really a good connection". You had your grievances and problems inside your sleeve and blind sided her with an outright dumping during an argument? All I can say is: thanks for an honest dumper's POV, and for the lesson that sometimes the reasons really are just as basic as selfishness. Good luck. 3
Author patterson562 Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 the only thing i regret is cheating on her. we have been arguing for a while and i feel like im constantly walking on eggshells around her and i feel like she took me from granted. i worked two jobs while she stayed at home taking care of our child. i just couldn't be with her anymore
Mariposa10 Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 the only thing i regret is cheating on her. we have been arguing for a while and i feel like im constantly walking on eggshells around her and i feel like she took me from granted. i worked two jobs while she stayed at home taking care of our child. i just couldn't be with her anymore Next time, BREAK UP first. So what are you gonna do now? Are you gonna pursue the other woman? How can you "love" your ex-girlfriend and be with someone else? Are you in love with the other woman?? Karma's a bitch... 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 So...lets recap shall we? You have (had) a GF of four years and have a child with. So, you are working and she is taking care of your child. Things start getting a little mundane and you find an attractive girl at work. You are feeling things are suffering on the homefront (arguing, she takes you for granted, etc), and this new girl is just that...new. So INSTEAD of telling your GF and either working on it or breaking up, you decide to just say screw it and "start doing sexual things" with the new girl (who KNEW you had a GF and child and still continued to do stuff sexually with you. Good catch). So THEN you break up with her and dont tell her intentionally about what actually happened with the new girl (other than "reasons why") UNTL she text later about wanting to work it out. And yet you have the audacity to tell us that "you love your ex." ....okay ....one day, I hope you know how this feels. 5
Mariposa10 Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 So...lets recap shall we? You have (had) a GF of four years and have a child with. So, you are working and she is taking care of your child. Things start getting a little mundane and you find an attractive girl at work. You are feeling things are suffering on the homefront (arguing, she takes you for granted, etc), and this new girl is just that...new. So INSTEAD of telling your GF and either working on it or breaking up, you decide to just say screw it and "start doing sexual things" with the new girl (who KNEW you had a GF and child and still continued to do stuff sexually with you. Good catch). So THEN you break up with her and dont tell her intentionally about what actually happened with the new girl (other than "reasons why") UNTL she text later about wanting to work it out. And yet you have the audacity to tell us that "you love your ex." ....okay ....one day, I hope you know how this feels. He will, believe me, right now he's thinking with the little head...
Author patterson562 Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 i know what i have done and approached it the wrong way and no i don't love the other women but i care deeply for her. and i feel like if i stayed with my ex gf i would resent her for not letting me go. i know this all sounds wrong but this is how i feel.
Mariposa10 Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 i know what i have done and approached it the wrong way and no i don't love the other women but i care deeply for her. and i feel like if i stayed with my ex gf i would resent her for not letting me go. i know this all sounds wrong but this is how i feel. Why didn't you leave your girlfriend before? Were you afraid to be alone?? What are you gonna do now? 1
lindsay1990 Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 (who KNEW you had a GF and child and still continued to do stuff sexually with you. Good catch). Thisthisthis 1
Mariposa10 Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 This is what I hate about cheaters, if you are not happy with the relationship you have with your SO, and if you don't want to work on it. THEN LEAVE!!! Don't wait until you've found someone. Rebound relationship tend to fail either way! 2
Author patterson562 Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 I stayed with her for our child. I know this sounds shallow but she wasn't taking care of herself anymore she's was always depressed she stopped hanging out with friends. She began more and more just staying at home. I tried hinting her do things for herself and to go hang out with friends but she never bothered. For a while she got verbally abusive towards me but she stopped once she had started therapy. And as for the person who asked what I was gonna do I'm not gonna lie but im going to continue to see her I'm not a bad person I treated her well and I will always love her we have been together since we were in highschool we were each others first everything but we are young and I never got experience to see other people
cif Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 You didn't even give your gf a chance to work on the R. How cold can people be? 1
Mariposa10 Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 You didn't even give your gf a chance to work on the R. How cold can people be? God forbid he did that, didn't you read he was gonna start feeling resentment towards her??
Mariposa10 Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Anyway, I understand you don't want to work on the relationship. Some people don't want to. What I can't understand is the cheating part. You should've broken up with her first. You should've broken up with your ex-girlfriend loooong ago.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 I stayed with her for our child. I know this sounds shallow but she wasn't taking care of herself anymore she's was always depressed she stopped hanging out with friends. She began more and more just staying at home. I tried hinting her do things for herself and to go hang out with friends but she never bothered. For a while she got verbally abusive towards me but she stopped once she had started therapy. And as for the person who asked what I was gonna do I'm not gonna lie but im going to continue to see her I'm not a bad person I treated her well and I will always love her we have been together since we were in highschool we were each others first everything but we are young and I never got experience to see other people This feels like such a cope out. "Oh woah is me. She wasnt doing this, that, or this." Seems to be a lot of blame being thrown around. Maybe YOU were not the best person to be around. Maybe YOU were not doing things that were constructive? Maybe you should look at yourself instead of blaming other people. This whole thing SCREAMS immaturity. "Never got to experience to see other people" is such a young "I want to go out and plow through every hole" type answer. Not relating the two, but when I started dating my ex, she was 19 (I was 24), it was always my concern that she would want to date around since she never had really. She would always say "oh of course not. I love you so much I would NEVER want to do that." Guess who plowed two guys in like a week after leaving me lol.... ANYWAYS, you're fighting a losing battle on here. No one is going to believe your justifications for doing what you do. We can all believe that feelings can change or whatever, but you cheated and dont really seem to care that much about it. Seems to me you are all about what YOU are going to get out of all of this. You ARE young, so you dont really grasp the entire thing, but you will one day. I hope, for your sake, that you have matured.
reddragon588 Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 I tried hinting her do things for herself and to go hang out with friends but she never bothered. I'm not a bad person I treated her well and I will always love her we have been together since we were in highschool we were each others first everything but we are young and I never got experience to see other people Hinting is passive aggressive behavior. You need to be direct in your communication in a relationship. Otherwise you're going to be having completely different conversations with your significant other. I'm not a bad person I treated her well and I will always love her we have been together since we were in highschool we were each others first everything but we are young and I never got experience to see other people Maybe you aren't a bad person. But you're doing bad things. You cheated on your child's mother. You need to question what caused you to do that.
Author patterson562 Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 The feelings for the other women are their and I can't just push them away. Even if I tried working it out with my ex my feelings for the other women aren't gonna change.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 The feelings for the other women are their and I can't just push them away. Even if I tried working it out with my ex my feelings for the other women aren't gonna change. *there. You're not getting it! Its not that there is other feelings, its how you handled the entire situation and how you are continuing to handle it. You cheated (with a "high class" girl no less, who already knew your situation and yet continue to have sex with you) and did not tell your gf/mother of your child until many times of "sexual things with new girl. I bet your were not even going to tell her about the cheating until AFTER she kept pressing you about wanting to work it out. You say things like "I regret the way I handled it" and say "I love my ex, but....." but then go on and make 1000 excuses to try and justify your actions. Like any of us cant see through that BS. You at least broke up with your GF instead of letting it go which was the LEAST you could do, so I guess, if anything, good for you. NOW dont talk to her at all UNLESS its about your kid. Let her heal after you ripped her heart out and treated her like crap.....but that was probably her fault though right? 2
polger Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 When you start having feelings for somebody else then you need to talk to your GF before doing anything else. She needs to know before anything happens, you need to figure out with her if the relationship is dead. You can't keep her out of the loop and then just drop her like that. After 4 years of being together you owe her more than that. It seems to me that you just ran from your problems and you think this new girl will fix them. Things will be great with her for the first part of the relationship, but after a while you will find all relationships have their ups and downs. You seem to be a very selfish person and frankly I think your ex is much better off without you. Your ex seemed to really love and care about you, you may not find somebody like that again for a long time. 1
HokeyReligions Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Sounds like common mistakes made by the young. Especially first loves and having a child so early. The OP was bashed pretty bad but he's been forthright about what happened. Beating over the head with what he should have done won't change the past Both parties made mistakes. The biggest, IMHO, is the lack of direct communication. Hinting and obscure remarks makes problems it doesn't help and its not communicating. Even direct talking is not communicating. LISTENING and giving/taking time to process what one hears is one major aspect of communication. It takes two to make or break a relationship. Hopefully the OP will learn and grow rrom this experience just as we all do/have from our past relationships.
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