Hursty Posted September 29, 2013 Posted September 29, 2013 Hi all, I'm new on here so please bear with me! I met my husband 14 1/2 years ago and we've been married for 3 years and have a 3 yr old son. I thought I wanted a divorce because he never enjoys spending time with me or our so and never wants to do anything as a family he enjoys spending time with me but not altogether. He says I'm different when my son is about. We've been arguing loads and to be honest I've been pushing him away and given up trying. We put the house in the market and are yet to sell. He's started his new life got a new job and is out a lot of the time but still gets affection from me I.e sex, hugs etc! I'm now left thinking have I done the right thing? I love him so much but want him to want to be with us. I've told him I want to give it another go and he says he's sick of being unhappy and thinks I only want him back because I'm seeing him happy in his new life. I've realised he is the only person who cares about me and I know he loves me so much but I do worry he doesn't love our son as much and I think this is what's causing us problems. Any advice would be much appreciated! Thanks x
2sure Posted September 29, 2013 Posted September 29, 2013 It's not good that he enjoys spending time with you, but not with the three of you together as a family. And then blames that on you saying you're different when your son is around. Well, yes. You're a mother. Is he a father? Ever? 2
hayewils Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 I have to agree.. Him saying your different when your son is around is not a good sign.. this child is his child as well. sounds to me he needs to get over his childish behavior and start acting like a father, a husband and a man,.
Misadventure Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 I picked up on something here... besides what was said above, which is important...you kept saying "how much he loves me"...you went on about that... but think about it... how much do YOU love HIM? Is it that you just want to be with someone and be loved because you may not find that again with someone who you may love JUST as equally? Or is he someone that you love like he loves you and vice versa?
pteromom Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 If my husband didn't love my son, that would cancel out anything he felt for me. If you feel he doesn't love your son, and doesn't like you when you are around your son, then leaving is the right choice. Go forward and show your son a life where he is surrounded by love. 1
harrybrown Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 Do you know why he does not love your son?
hayewils Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 Hi all, I'm new on here so please bear with me! I met my husband 14 1/2 years ago and we've been married for 3 years and have a 3 yr old son. I thought I wanted a divorce because he never enjoys spending time with me or our so and never wants to do anything as a family he enjoys spending time with me but not altogether. He says I'm different when my son is about. We've been arguing loads and to be honest I've been pushing him away and given up trying. We put the house in the market and are yet to sell. He's started his new life got a new job and is out a lot of the time but still gets affection from me I.e sex, hugs etc! I'm now left thinking have I done the right thing? I love him so much but want him to want to be with us. I've told him I want to give it another go and he says he's sick of being unhappy and thinks I only want him back because I'm seeing him happy in his new life. I've realised he is the only person who cares about me and I know he loves me so much but I do worry he doesn't love our son as much and I think this is what's causing us problems. Any advice would be much appreciated! Thanks x look and read what you have wrote here.. Your husband has made a choice to move on to other things. what was his thinking about putting the house on the market? I think that you actually love him more than he loves you or your son. Its complete crap coming from a man who is supposed to be a father to put blame on the child. It is not the child that is causing problems between you and your husband.. its your husband causing the problems. You need to stop with the affection, sex and hugs. Hit him hard with NC and let his ass simmer on that a while. Im sorry but I was a single father with three little ones in the house at one time in my life. Raising children is by far the hardest job in life to have. I have been selfish in my own ways but I would be damned if I let anybody treat my children this way.. Ive ended many relationships cause the other side could not accept my kids. One gal I was with never had and wouldn't be able to have children, when I saw the side of her that was about my kids, I sent her packing.. never again would I ever date someone who has no children. your husband needs a damn smack across the face.. 1
KathyM Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 I think some posters are being too hard on your husband. YOU decided to divorce. YOU sent him packing. He was forced against his will to leave and start a new life without you. Now you want him back, but unfortunately, it's very hard to go back when so much has happened. I would suggest you ask for couple's counseling as a way to work on the issues that came between you. Hopefully, he will be willing to try that. You need to understand that, for over ten years, it was just the two of you, and he had your undivided attention when you were together. Now that there is the three of you, you can't neglect the couple relationship. That still needs to be fostered. It's likely, that when you are together as a family, you are interacting solely with the child, or when you talk to your husband, it is primarily about the child. Your husband misses his relationship with you. His adult relationship with you. He still needs that. Undoubtedly, you've both probably neglected your couple relationship, and have neglected spending time as a couple without the child always with you. Find a good babysitter or trusted relative to babysit, and spend time doing things with just your husband, and build back the adult relationship you used to have. That is what your husband is missing. And when you are together as a family, make sure you are paying attention to him as an adult. Many men start to feel like they've lost their wife when they add a child to the family, because all the wife's attention is focused on the child, and she doesn't understand that her husband still has needs for attention and adult interaction with her that doesn't always revolve around the baby. I would suggest you have a heart to heart talk with him, and let him know how much you want your relationship with him to work, and how you realize you need to change some things to make him more of a priority than you have been. And that you want to work on this in counseling because you want your husband, and you want your son to have both parents full time, and you will do whatever it takes to make that happen.
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