kateisconfused Posted September 29, 2013 Posted September 29, 2013 Help I am confused and don't know what the best course of action is! This is my first ever forum post and apologies it's so long My boyfriend and I recently split after a 7 year relationship (3 years living together). It was a completely amicable split - we just couldn't seem to resolve our arguments, we had a power struggle going on and we were both worried we could easily spend another 7 years together and end up splitting in the long run when there could be kids involved etc. He moved out of our apartment 5 weeks ago. The first two weeks I was OK (talking to him almost daily) and thinking we'd done the right thing. The other 3 weeks have been hell. I miss him so much, I still love him and I think we were too hasty with the split. We could have tried harder to resolve our issues. We have always had 100% trust for each other and respect each other the way two people should. Part of our problem is that we spent too much time together (both working from home). Also he refused to go to counselling and was not proactive in helping me resolve our issues - I felt like I couldn't carry the responsibility of working things out in the relationship by myself anymore. Since the split we have met a few times, he came back one time and we spent 3 days together. Another time he came back and stayed the night. after that we had a 4 hour phone conversation where we talked through all our issues (talking properly for the first time in a long time without resentment or anger). I suggested that perhaps we should try again - he said that he couldn't think clearly though his gut instinct was that we'd done the right thing splitting. Then he said he might feel differently in a month or so. Then he said he didn't want to give me false hope. Then he said he didn't want me to see anyone else as then it really would be over. I was hurt and confused by all this. So I stopped initiating contact for a while (up until then it was me doing most of the leg work with the contact). He continued to call every few days which I would answer. I told him respectfully and kindly that I thought we could do with a bit of time without contact. He responded very nonchalantly and made a point of saying casually that he didn't need to cut of contact and that he can "just ease out of the relationship" but if that's what I wanted he would totally respect it. I found that quite upsetting and sent him a text later saying I found his indifference hurtful, which initiated a text conversation in which he reassured me that he cares and he was acting indifferent because he thought I was. So a week passes with NC and he text me today, which surprised me as I thought he wouldn't break the NC. His text just said "Hello. Hope things are going well x" I responded to this and saying I was ok etc and hope he is too. And that's it. This is where I am. I was planning to give it another week and then ask him if he wanted to meet for coffee or something. I am hoping no contact would give him the opportunity to miss me and give me an opportunity for clarity. Problem is, all I can think about is contacting him! And I guess there's a risk I am pushing him further away. I am not one for games and neither is he. Though we are both quite prideful and stubborn people (one of the reasons we couldn't resolve problems easily). We did have a great thing going though and now my head hurts and I don't know whether NC is the right manoeuvre or not! But on the other hand he is emotionally shut down and I don't think he will see clearly until I'm not constantly there for him, he does take me for granted a bit (which was why I initiated NC in the first place). Please advise! I would really appreciate your objective opinions Thank you for reading this long rambling post.
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