I feel terrible, 2 weeks post break up

[lizzy_00]

Hi Guys,

I need your help, as I am in a really bad place right now, I dont know what to do ;( we broke up 2 weeks ago, been in no contact ever since (5 year relationship) and we broke up, because he kissed someone else, went out with her a couple of times and said he was confused.

I lost my best friend, I just don't know what to do, will this pain ever go away?

 

Do you think he will ever get in touch or feel sorry? He wanted to marry me and even when saying he was confused said he loves me and can't imagine his life with anyone else. I just don't understand... I know we've been fighting recently, but I just can't fathom how he could forget me with a snap of a finger.

Please someone tell me what to do, as I need help and |I need to know this pain will end ;(

[lizzy_00]

Thank you so much 9122013. You are right and I wish my heart would see that too. Hopefully it will happen with time. I am just in the stage of crying right now.

I made everything possible, so he won't be able to contact me (as I can imagine the pain this will cause), I completely disappeared, changed my number too. No matter what my heart feels, I know for a fact no contact is best for me right now.

I hope he is happy, I really do.

I will post my progress here, as I can't talk to anyone, because I cry when I do..

 

And yes, you are right- I should work out more, like every day, as it helps.

My job helps as well, normally I don't have time to think of him when I work (and have wonderful colleagues too)

[Estellie]

I‘m so sorry this happened to you, I recently went through the same thing - we were together for 3 years, although he didn't cheat, he started to hang out with his ex very soon after we broke up. I understand how you feel, it's been over a month for me and I still cry sometimes. But you're stronger than me, I still reply to his texts even though I told myself not to, it's just too tempting because I still love him.

 

It's hard to understand why they could give up a great long-term relationship that easily and seem like don't care about our feelings. I'm sorry I don't have good advice for you, but I feel for you. It's good to talk to someone who feels the same things, let's hang in there together

[lizzy_00]

I'm sorry to hear you are heartbroken too Estellie. I completely understand your pain Yet another day gone by and it's like he's forgotten I exist. I keep on stalking their facebook.. Which I should stop doing asap!

 

Today I feel so much better though. I went to work and kept my mind busy, that helped a lot- every time I felt like I was getting thoughts of him or our past, I'd tell myself "Stop Liz, stop it now" and then I'd deliberately change my thoughts or get busy.

 

I also kind of feel kind of angry at him, I never knew he was the type of a person, who'd just see someone else, like them and throw me away like I mean nothing. I trusted him so much and now it feels like the person I knew never existed. Anyways. I know I will get better, hope keeps me going

[lizzy_00]

Hey Everyone,

 

I am feeling better today.. Not great, kind of fine. I've been still feeling a bit angry at him, but my feelings start getting weaker and weaker. I can't even say for sure I'm feeling better, as I know I am in an emotional rollercoaster, so God knows what tomorrow will bring

I still haven't heard from him. I wonder if he ever thinks of me? Does he miss me and that sort of stuff.. It's more likely that his mind is being kept busy by his new date Do you think he takes her out on dates and is in love..? They didn't speak before so |I can't still fathom how can you forget your 5 year relationship just like that.

What are the chances of him feeling sorry at some point for what he's missed? Does anybody know, please tell me if you do..

 

My tips for getting better so far are:

 

- keeping myself busy- at work, at the gym, just keep it busy busy!

-deliberately stopping thought- whenever i start getting thoughts i just tell myself 'stop it NOW'and switch. At first it seemed difficult but trust me- it gets better with time

-not carrying my phone with me all the time- see guys, that's strange, but all that waiting harms our minds a lot. When I had my phone with me I'd constantly (consciously or subconsciously) wait for him to call/email/im/skype/facebook whatever. Stalked him. Just couldnt control myself that much. But when I don't have my phone with me, I have nothing to check and refresh every 10 minutes, so this calmed me down quite a bit

-being grateful- for everything amazing in my life. Hey, can't let him take all the joy.. I take 5 minutes every now and then to think/write about everything amazing in my life. It's easy to be grateful when everything is great...

[Channa]

Yah that roller coaster ride of emotions is a pain in the arse. One day it's sunshines and rainbows and the morning after is like the aftermath of the apocalypse. I'm at 1 month NC and I start to question if I am suddenly bipolar due to the up and down of feelings but to avoid worrying people around me, I just put on a smile and fake it till I finally make it out of the dark hole (somewhat unhealthy to fake it but sometimes you have no choice).

 

You guys have been together for 5 years, so of course he thinks about you since you guys invested so much time and energy into the relationship. In one way or another, you made an imprint in his life and thats not something you can automatically forget. We are human, not computers. There is no "select all and delete". If there is, LS and all the other relationship forums wouldn't exist . He won't be thinking about you the way you think about him though. He will once in a while have scattered thoughts about you and what you guys use to be. He might even miss it, but that's probably as far as that goes. The new date prob does help distract him from those thoughts as well. Knowing what he does with her is irrelevant so that I'll skip over that and pretend I did not read it .

 

As for the "do you think they are in love" question, honey you are one silly bunny. That's your hurt and insecure part of you talking. Although there are those rare people who fall in love at first sight, that kind of thing only really happen in hollywood and Disney movies. Last I checked, no one really breaks out into song and dance with animals. Being in love requires a lot more than sexual attraction. The sexual attraction is just a plus. But again, it's irrelevant to you now.

 

I'm sure one day he will feel sorry for what he did to you and regret hurting you. If not, then you are lucky the relationship ended when it did and not after a wedding ring and baby carriage pops into your life. The time when he will realize it though won't be anytime soon as he's living off the high he's getting off of the new girl and by the time he realizes it, you probably wouldn't care and moved on. Although it doesn't justify what he did, good people do make mistakes too. I think you are doing just fine in your recovery back to living your life for you.

[fujidabruin]

Hey Everyone,

 

I am feeling better today.. Not great, kind of fine. I've been still feeling a bit angry at him, but my feelings start getting weaker and weaker. I can't even say for sure I'm feeling better, as I know I am in an emotional rollercoaster, so God knows what tomorrow will bring

I still haven't heard from him. I wonder if he ever thinks of me? Does he miss me and that sort of stuff.. It's more likely that his mind is being kept busy by his new date Do you think he takes her out on dates and is in love..? They didn't speak before so |I can't still fathom how can you forget your 5 year relationship just like that.

What are the chances of him feeling sorry at some point for what he's missed? Does anybody know, please tell me if you do..

 

My tips for getting better so far are:

 

- keeping myself busy- at work, at the gym, just keep it busy busy!

-deliberately stopping thought- whenever i start getting thoughts i just tell myself 'stop it NOW'and switch. At first it seemed difficult but trust me- it gets better with time

-not carrying my phone with me all the time- see guys, that's strange, but all that waiting harms our minds a lot. When I had my phone with me I'd constantly (consciously or subconsciously) wait for him to call/email/im/skype/facebook whatever. Stalked him. Just couldnt control myself that much. But when I don't have my phone with me, I have nothing to check and refresh every 10 minutes, so this calmed me down quite a bit

-being grateful- for everything amazing in my life. Hey, can't let him take all the joy.. I take 5 minutes every now and then to think/write about everything amazing in my life. It's easy to be grateful when everything is great...

 

You are off to a great start with the NC. Even though there are bound to be some rough days ahead you should acknowledge your progress with enthusiasm. It may be like a rollercoaster for a while yet but it gets easier over time.

 

I will not suggest doing much different as you are already are, since you seem to have the same things in place that worked for me only a few months ago.....

 

Keep your chin up and Good Luck to you Lizzy_00

[lizzy_00]

Channa, you are 100% right in everything you say. I just get wounded up in my own thoughts sometimes- what are they doing, they are probably going out etc., but it happens more and more rarely for some reason. And yes, it's good it ended when it did. I wonder why hearing other people's opinions makes me feel so much better (i dont want to talk to my closest people to not worry them), I learnt so much in this forum and my LS friends! Thank you!

 

fujidabruin thank you for your good luck wishes, I am happy you have progressed compared to a few months ago and I whole-heartedly hope you are completely over your ex. Being heartbroken is such a terrible experience- wish it to no one!

 

So on day 15.. I am getting better and better. I am actually surprised at how well I am doing and I fear SO much the despair and fear and feeling of loneliness will come back. I went to work today and it was amazing- laughed a lot, have funny work mates In the taxi on the way to work they played that Impossible song by James Arthur- that was difficult, I was trying to focus on the book I was reading, read some emails etc...

2 guys flirted with me at work, one was quite persistent and that made me feel better. I am generally not someone who would find lots of attention pleasant, but today it made me feel worthy in a way. After being cheated on you start questioning your own self worth. See the other woman is the type of person who parties like hell, till it's light out, changes her hair color every month, one of my male friends didn't find her attractive at all- but tastes...

 

So, the tips for moving on remain the same- work out, keeping busy, no phones, no stalking (as difficult as it is, you better not know what's going on in his happy party life), reading books and being positive. I think having faith that everything happens for a reason, trusting God's infinite mercy and best judgement and knowing that what happened is what is best for you helps. I read this amazing article today, hope you guys find it useful:

 

7 things I know about active letting go. (sure beats waiting.) ? Danielle LaPorte: white hot truth + sermons on life

 

Lots of love to all of you!

[lizzy_00]

Just saw on facebook- his best friend is having his birthday party this saturday, all of their gang are going. Him and her too... How will I get through Saturday Here comes the pain again. Why did I have to look..

 

I have deleted him off facebook btw- it just popped up in my news feed from his best friend's gf.

[Fufu]

Hi Guys,

I need your help, as I am in a really bad place right now, I dont know what to do ;( we broke up 2 weeks ago, been in no contact ever since (5 year relationship) and we broke up, because he kissed someone else, went out with her a couple of times and said he was confused.

I lost my best friend, I just don't know what to do, will this pain ever go away?

 

Do you think he will ever get in touch or feel sorry? He wanted to marry me and even when saying he was confused said he loves me and can't imagine his life with anyone else. I just don't understand... I know we've been fighting recently, but I just can't fathom how he could forget me with a snap of a finger.

Please someone tell me what to do, as I need help and |I need to know this pain will end ;(

 

 

Dear lizzy_00,

 

Keep up with the NC, I know it's tough and I've been through this.

 

The pain will go away, trust me

 

When the pain goes away and you found your true closure, you won't even care about whether he will get in touch or feel sorry. My ex did the same thing as yours but eventually still leave me. This is the true fact you got to realise. It's not about the words he had said, it's the actions he is giving you.

 

Feelings can fade and change for some people. Nothing much to dwell about for long. Just remind yourself that this is blessing in disguise. You wouldn't want someone who say one thing to you but act otherwise.

[Channa]

I wonder why hearing other people's opinions makes me feel so much better (i dont want to talk to my closest people to not worry them)

 

I think the reason why we don't talk much to our closest family and friends for too long is use to not wanting to worry them and maybe to some extent, due to embarrassment and maybe shame that the relationship ended. It's not like high school where the relationship is probably immature and you just break up and blame everything on the other person instead of trying to fight and work on the relationship so when a real relationship breaks, specially if you are the dumpee, you feel a bit embarrassed explaining why and how it happens. Especially more so if you were in a relationship that seemed perfectly fine to you and everyone around you. At least that's how I feel. Not to mention, most people will just say "with time you will heal" or "there are plenty of other fish in the sea" which may be true but also NOT helping you in the initial stages of recovering a breakup. For most people trying to help a friend through a breakup, I think that's their go-to line. Some might even feel awkward about it because they don't know what to say to you as they might not be able to entirely relate to your loss. Yah they might have gone through a breakup but every breakup is different and everyone deals with it differently, everyone reacts to the loss differently.

 

 

So on day 15.. I am getting better and better. I am actually surprised at how well I am doing and I fear SO much the despair and fear and feeling of loneliness will come back. I went to work today and it was amazing- laughed a lot, have funny work mates In the taxi on the way to work they played that Impossible song by James Arthur- that was difficult, I was trying to focus on the book I was reading, read some emails etc...

2 guys flirted with me at work, one was quite persistent and that made me feel better. I am generally not someone who would find lots of attention pleasant, but today it made me feel worthy in a way. After being cheated on you start questioning your own self worth. See the other woman is the type of person who parties like hell, till it's light out, changes her hair color every month, one of my male friends didn't find her attractive at all- but tastes...

You sound like a well grounded person with a good lifestyle. That's a good thing. The other girl sounds... Well I won't judge as I don't know her or anything. You know where you stand and where you want to go and are already on your way there. Not saying going out to party and changing your style every now and again isn't a bad thing but I'm sure you know what I mean in terms of maturity and stability. I'm pretty sure your morals and beliefs are all well and sorted out as well. I think majority of us here will agree that it's his loss. It baffles me how someone could leave someone so well grounded and stable with a good future ahead of her for someone completely opposite. Maybe they were just seeking a thrill, the rebel side of trying someone crazy... That action shows maturity at it's finest.

[Fashiongal]

I'm really sorry also. I feel the exact same way in my situation. "How can he forget me at the snap of a finger." You are stronger than I am also because you changed your phone number. I still haven't and wishes he would call... Guys are bastards and what goes around never comes around to them.

[Lizzy_000]

Hi Guys,

 

I haven't been able to log in to my account for some reason, so I created a new one. Just wanted to give you an update for the past few days.

 

The other day I went out of the office to get hot chocolate and right when i was crossing the street- there he was turning right. He stopped the car, I got in and we had a chat. He said he was coming to bring me my winter coat which apparently had remained in his car last winter. He said he was going to leave it to my brother (my brother's office is nearby too). I told him that would have been silly, as if we can't speak/catch up for 5 minutes after 5 years is.. funny.

I asked him how he was doing- he said not very well, he's been getting drunk a lot (he normally gets drunk when he isn't happy, he said that too). I asked him if everything's ok then he said he's been doing silly things. I will sum up here:

 

-the girl he cheated on me with had a birthday party last week. My ex and her best male friend bought her a cake etc., she invited all her close friends and cousins.

-my ex got drunk and got aggressive (the trigger apparently was her telling him that he is getting drunk)

-he started acting not very politely with her friends and cousins

-he got into a taxi and gave him his wallet for some reason- it had all his documents, cash, cards etc

-the next day he couldn't remember everything so they told him that he: annoyed everyone the whole night, that's why her cousin left; was hitting on the waitresses; kissed her best male friend- in the mouth, with his tongue...

 

So there he was.. someone I had never met before. Then I realized, my pain comes from the fact that the person I fell in love with is gone for good. And will never be back- that's what I need to get over.

 

The other woman is not very happy with him now, but I know for a fact they are going to another birthday party today.

 

I told him 'look, you can't keep on living like this, get yourself together and be happy. Stop doing silly things, that's not you'.

He asked me how I was doing- I said I am ok, been busy at work and trying to keep it active. He asked me if i was seeing anyone. No idea why- I said yes (that was idiotic of me). Then he started asking me who it was etc. I preferred to not go further in talking about it. He said he hopes the new guy makes me happy.

 

He never apologized. I don't think he was feeling guilty either... He said he loves me and wants me to be happy and I will always be a part of him. I said the same.

 

The next morning he sent me an email telling me he loves me and wants me to be happy. He said he hopes the new guy makes me happy etc etc-Sent me a song and said he was crying when he thought of that song and that we broke up.

Then I replied saying hope he's happy too and I will always carry a part of him in my heart and he can always count on me as a friend.

Then for some reason he replied that I will be a part of him too, but he doesn't love me the way he used to any more (I dont know why he said that as it doesnt even matter any more.. anyways). I didn't reply after that.

 

So that's it guys... I think I got my closure.

[Lizzy_000]

Channa, I do have a lot of faults too. I had serious trust issues, especially after last summer when i found a couple of videos in his phone of a dancing girl. Everything went downwards- I think i just stopped seeing him as someone worth my love and didn't trust him That created lots of issues which is a huge part of the reason why it got here. In my mind I wanted him to not go out and party, because i didnt trust what he'd do when he was drunk. We started fighting, I started allowing another guy to flirt with me. Anyways it is over now.

 

I think I needed this closure, as it did make me release my pain in a way and accept that what we had is gone.

When I saw him I knew I didnt want this relationship back.

 

I am happy that we don't have bad blood between us, there's just a bit of awkwardness but that's normal I guess.

 

What I feel right now is..

 

Will I be able to trust someone with my whole heart again?

Will I have these doubts in my mind all the time?

Will I meet someone to fall in love with again, as I really want to have a family I am 26...

[Mariposa10]

Hi Guys,

 

I haven't been able to log in to my account for some reason, so I created a new one. Just wanted to give you an update for the past few days.

 

The other day I went out of the office to get hot chocolate and right when i was crossing the street- there he was turning right. He stopped the car, I got in and we had a chat. He said he was coming to bring me my winter coat which apparently had remained in his car last winter. He said he was going to leave it to my brother (my brother's office is nearby too). I told him that would have been silly, as if we can't speak/catch up for 5 minutes after 5 years is.. funny.

I asked him how he was doing- he said not very well, he's been getting drunk a lot (he normally gets drunk when he isn't happy, he said that too). I asked him if everything's ok then he said he's been doing silly things. I will sum up here:

 

-the girl he cheated on me with had a birthday party last week. My ex and her best male friend bought her a cake etc., she invited all her close friends and cousins.

-my ex got drunk and got aggressive (the trigger apparently was her telling him that he is getting drunk)

-he started acting not very politely with her friends and cousins

-he got into a taxi and gave him his wallet for some reason- it had all his documents, cash, cards etc

-the next day he couldn't remember everything so they told him that he: annoyed everyone the whole night, that's why her cousin left; was hitting on the waitresses; kissed her best male friend- in the mouth, with his tongue...

 

So there he was.. someone I had never met before. Then I realized, my pain comes from the fact that the person I fell in love with is gone for good. And will never be back- that's what I need to get over.

 

The other woman is not very happy with him now, but I know for a fact they are going to another birthday party today.

 

I told him 'look, you can't keep on living like this, get yourself together and be happy. Stop doing silly things, that's not you'.

He asked me how I was doing- I said I am ok, been busy at work and trying to keep it active. He asked me if i was seeing anyone. No idea why- I said yes (that was idiotic of me). Then he started asking me who it was etc. I preferred to not go further in talking about it. He said he hopes the new guy makes me happy.

 

He never apologized. I don't think he was feeling guilty either... He said he loves me and wants me to be happy and I will always be a part of him. I said the same.

 

The next morning he sent me an email telling me he loves me and wants me to be happy. He said he hopes the new guy makes me happy etc etc-Sent me a song and said he was crying when he thought of that song and that we broke up.

Then I replied saying hope he's happy too and I will always carry a part of him in my heart and he can always count on me as a friend.

Then for some reason he replied that I will be a part of him too, but he doesn't love me the way he used to any more (I dont know why he said that as it doesnt even matter any more.. anyways). I didn't reply after that.

 

So that's it guys... I think I got my closure.

 

 

What a coward and a pig? He couldn't even apologize?? And he waited until he found someone else to tell you he didn't love you in a romantic way anymore? Ugh!!!!

 

Btw, I was with my ex almost as long as you were with yours, so I know after all these years how hard it is...