snipit3172 Posted November 28, 2004 Posted November 28, 2004 id like some advice of anyone please about wether i should change who i am to please other people you see 2 months ago i split up from my ex but only found out last night it was because i was nice to him and did things for him and did not argue with him ( not that we had anything to argue about) looking back on old relationships they have always said i was not a normal woman cos i never went in moods and never argued but i have been this way for 32 years and dont think i have it in me to do what some people do like treat them mean to keep them keen any advice would be much appreciated i loved my ex more than i had ever loved anyone and he treated me brilliantly like i was the most speial person in the world something im not used to i thoought he was the one i could see myself growing old with please any advice will be helpful
PhotoGuy Posted November 28, 2004 Posted November 28, 2004 short answer is if you are content with who you are, and love yourself than no.
Author snipit3172 Posted November 28, 2004 Author Posted November 28, 2004 photoguy thats the problem im not content and dont love myself i have a very low oppinion of myself probably because most of my life i have been made to feel like a nobody by other people thats why he was so special to me cos he made me feel on top of the world i would love to change but dont know how to really
Barby Posted November 28, 2004 Posted November 28, 2004 If you are not happy with yourself then you need to figure out why exactly you're unhappy and go about changing those areas of your life. You should NOT change to make someone else happy but only to make yourself happy. But you shouldn't be a doormat and allow people to walk all over you (ie not stand up for yourself) or try and please them by doing things that you're not truly okay with. Once you start seeing yourself in a better light and feeling better about yourself people will see you better as well.
Author snipit3172 Posted November 28, 2004 Author Posted November 28, 2004 im not a doormat if i have a problem with something i say it i dont let people walk all over me i just like doing things for people rather than having things done for me i never do anything im not happy with i do have my own mind i just dont go out of my way to pick fights over silly thngs
Barby Posted November 29, 2004 Posted November 29, 2004 Well then they shouldn't have a problem with you being nice. Look at it this way, if they want someone who's mean to them then they don't deserve you. You need someone who will love you and respect you for who you are and the things you do for them instead of them wanting you to "go through moods" or anything like that.
jellybean Posted November 29, 2004 Posted November 29, 2004 It sounds like you are spending time reflecting on your past relationships and examing the role you played in all of them...that can be healthy to a point - you want to be able to grow as a person, and learn from any mistakes you may have made. But dwelling on this has effected your self-esteem, and now you are questioning whether you should make radical changes to your personality - RIDICULOUS! There is nothing wrong with you
daphne Posted November 30, 2004 Posted November 30, 2004 snipit, good thing you're not a doormat. however, in my experience I've found the relationships were FAR better and the men much happier when they were making me happy. If I did too much to try to please them they lost interest because I believe ultimately most good guys just want to make a girl happy. That would be the only thing I changed if I were you. I changed it and overall it has worked out very well. If you're giving it can be hard but if one thing doesn't work, try something else out. I think when you are trying too hard to please the guys you are almost saying that you don't think without doing all of those things that you are loveable and it can be easy for a guy to take that for granted.
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