Prettyinblack Posted November 28, 2004 Posted November 28, 2004 Boy, I'm feeling pretty sick here. My b/f and I had the largest argument we ever had 2 Saturdays ago. He is a musician and New Year's Eve is my birthday. He told me he was going to play on New Years's and I freaked out. I got so upset that he didn't discuss it with me and this is the first New Year's in 3 years, that I have been well enough to celebrate. (I have Chron's Disease). I was sooooooo looking forward to being able to actually go out on my birthday. Anyway, I didn't give him much of a chance to explain anything.........we just had this huge argument and I hung up on him. I feel horrible about the whole thing and realized that I didn't even give him a chance to really talk or anything, I just got too upset. I was going on a vacation in about 3 days after the argument, never talked to him, went and called him from there. I could tell he was relieved and I said I would call when I got home 4 days later. I did and he said he was glad that I was home safe and sound and we've had 3 short conversations since then. I left him a message yesterday on his machine( I find it soooo hard to be vulnerable), saying that I was sorry and that I over-reacted and I wanted to get past this, if we could and that I really missed him. Well, he called, but we didn't get into anything. He just said that he would call me today and to have a good night. So today is here, and I have left him a message but haven't heard from him. Did I really mess up that bad? I feel so sick about this. ANy suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks
pancakepalace Posted November 29, 2004 Posted November 29, 2004 Hi, I am also a musician... It is really hard for a group to set time-scheldules and concert dates without having this kind of conflict once in awhile. Also, New-Year's eve concerts pay huge usually and it is often a evening of much saught after gigs for a band. I, personnaly think you overreacted, but of course I can't say this for sure since I don't know much about your relationship history. But, you know you are with a musician so this is to be expected. Find out how long he will be playing for. Maybye, you can go out afterwards. Maybye you could go see the show? Maybye you could see him the day before or after. The important thing is to do something special for your birthday. I don't think you should spend so much negative energy agonising over if this is possible on the exact day. It is not like he doesn't want to do something. Good luck!, pel
blackendangel13 Posted November 29, 2004 Posted November 29, 2004 A little advice from my side for you. I have dated musicians for the last five years. pancakepalace is absolutely right. Once in awhile there will be some schedule conflict that will make you fly off the handle. Example: My current boyfriend of 1.5 months was supposed to play a show a few days after my birthday so they were practicing on my 21st birthday. I was bummed but we planned to hang out the day before and the day after. My party is on Saturday and they booked a show. Both eventually got cancelled but we had made alternate plans of spending other days together and he would come to the party after the show. I also think that you should go to his show. There is nothing like supporting your boyfriend, especially when it is in something that he has such passion in. Being a musician is my boyfriends dream and I support him all the way, even if it is a little inconvenient at times. As far as you messing up. You over-reacted and apologized. If you date a musician they expect that we can fly off the handle sometimes with these conflicts. I think you just need to call him and tell him you are sorry and over-reacted. Not his machine. This is not something that can't be fixed. Either do another day, or go to the show with him and go out after. New Years night is a long night and I am sure he won't be playing for hours.
Spira Posted November 29, 2004 Posted November 29, 2004 Wouldn't it be fun to go out and see your boyfriend play on your birthday? I would love that!
Author Prettyinblack Posted December 1, 2004 Author Posted December 1, 2004 Well, little update here folks............I left my boyfriend a message on saturday to say I was sorry...we spoke but not about 'the issue'. I invited him for dinner this week and he said he would check with his band-mates to see when they are rehearsing this week and said he would let me know. That was on Sunday......no call on Monday. My friend went into the music store where he works and spoke with him yesterday morning and he said he was 'fed up'.....that he wasn't going to sell his house and get a $250,000 mortgage(we were talking about selling our houses and we would have a mortgage of $50,000 so I don't know where he got that from) and that I freaked out on him, called him like nothing happened and he thought he would just "be on his merry way' all the while saying to my friend "this conversation never happened". SO, I left him a message on his ansering machine saying that it was obvious that I wanted to work things out and he didn't and that I was taking it like this relationship is a 'done deal' as I was making attempts and he couldn't even bother to call about dinner. I also said that he didn't need to respond because I've got the message. He doesn't know that my friend told me the deal so he leaves me a message that he wants to 'resolve'some things and hopes I will call him back. To make a long story short, I get home last night about 10:30 from work and he has been waiting on my street outside my house for 2 hours, approaches my car and asks me if I want to talk, I say ok and in the house we go. Well, he said that he asked me 3 questions and wasn't answering and I said that I was and he starts yelling saying that i don't wnat to resolve things, that I don't know how to communicate and he's "outa here!" The whole time he's swearing and yelling and I said very quietly, "ok, Marty, maybe we can talk tomorrow." Ya know, the whole things burns my butt.........I know I screwed up, I apologized and he is going all over town saying "he's fed up" and is going to "be on his merry little way." Jeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzzz. urgh! So when he gets home, he calls me and asks if I want to hear what the message sounded like and I listen and he says "what do you think of that!?" I say, yeah.not very nice........but why are you talking all over town about how you are fed up etc.etc.ect. and not talking to ME????? It was the only time he was quiet. He also had talked to a mutual musician friend of ours and had said the same thing when I was on Vacation last week but denied it when I told him that. So I said, "well, ask so and so..........there...there's a name, I'm not lying, so maybe we should call him and see just what you've been saying. How is that supposed to make me feel???? What do you expect me to do? And when was the last time you told me you loved me??? " He said I'll talk to you later. Honestly, I am devestated here! He is acting so confused about whether he wants this relationship that I didn't know what else to do. I told him I loved him last night and was still here. I said that I said I was sorry and was trying to make things right but he wouldn't let me. I said that I was giving him the best I had ...and what else did he want me to say. I am shook up, man! Did he want it over and didn't have the guts or is he playing 'hurtsies' because I went away on vacation or what? HELP!
bluechocolate Posted December 1, 2004 Posted December 1, 2004 and that I freaked out on him, called him like nothing happened and he thought he would just "be on his merry way' I thought you called and apologised? You freaked out on the guy, hung up on him & then didn't call him for 4 days, at which time you still hadn't talked about New Years Eve. Then you're not home for another 4 days, at which point you still don't talk about it. And all the while it sounds to me like you two are playing machine-tag and still haven't talked about it! You need some face-to-face time. Tell him how you feel about New Years Eve & your reaction. Tell him you're sorry. Then ask him for an honest answer to the question "Do you want us to be together?", then move on from there. Don't talk about what he's been saying to other people & try not to let it bother you too much. I'm sure we're all guilty of ranting to friends about our partners at one time or another.
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