Is he really attached or afraid of intimacy?

[plumpud]

There is an attractive guy at my work who was interested in me. I flirted with him a little but decided to stop when his flirting intensified, as I thought he was much younger than me.

A few weeks ago I noticed he has quite a few grey hairs and realised he could be at least 30-35. I am a 30ish-looking 42. So I started smiling and flirting at him again. He responded favorably and would try to approach me to talk but was never able to in our difficult working environment.

I told him I was attracted to him and he was very flattered. A few days later I handed him my phone no. and again he said "I'm so flattered". But he didn't call me.

Next time I saw him he again told me he was "really flattered" but that he had a girlfriend(he blushed as he said it). He kept repeating how flattered and overwhelmed he was by my interest in him.

He initially gave me the impression that he wanted something more from me and then backed off when I took the initiative. Why??

Edited September 29, 2013 by plumpud

[Mascara]

The "why" doesn't really matter - he is well and truly not interested. If he really is 30, that would make him 12 years younger than you. Whilst a guy that age might look at and flirt with a good looking 42 year old woman, he wouldn't necessarily want her phone number.

 

The possibilities here aren't 1. he has a girlfriend 2. he's afraid of intimacy. It's option 3 - he's not interested and is trying to not hurt your feelings.

[hppr]

Well, if you had gone for him during the first batch of flirting it might have gone somewhere. However since you waited he probably had second thoughts and doesn't want to cause drama over work. Sorry but I think you missed your chance.

[Mascara]

(He may also have discovered your age)

[coolheadal]

Nonsense behavior at your work place! To do this at your place of work, now your embarrassed! That's why you don't act like this at your job for this reason. This should have handled this communication outside the work place! So your intent was to get him interested in you. But then you couldn't figure out why he did recapitulate your intent towards him. He told you had had a girl friend he was seeing now! You have to drop your intent on him and move on! Try to be more productive at work an you have learned your lesson not to try to pickup fellow employees at work because you just don't know who or what they're doing in their person lives outside work!

[truth_seeker]

Seems he flipped the game on you. He made the initial moves and you backed off. You came back strong and decided to stick it to you.

 

Repeating the word "flattered" sounds like a guy who's into playing mind games. He wants to put it out there how much you want him and forget the fact he flirted heavily with you and you backed off. It could be to save face at the office...

[Atem]

For ****'s sake, people do read WAY too much into others' reactions....

 

OP - he's not interested.

 

You're a grown woman, so accept it.

 

Move on.

 

Close thread.

[hppr]

(He may also have discovered your age)

 

Yeah I have had that happen both ways.

 

Several times girls have flirted with me and then freaked out when they found out I'm 31 when they were like 19, and then this really pretty blond gal I knew whom I thought was 35-37 was actually 49.

[plumpud]

You prompt me to reflect on some of my interactions with him and I think it probably is the age gap thing. He was studying my face very intently the last time we spoke.