Is he done?

[Butterbean68]

My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me and I am still confused. My boyfriend's son is a good kid but immature and manipulative. At 25 the son is still in school living at home and just winging his way through life and taking advantage of dad.

 

My boyfriend (scorpio if that matters) is hard working and disciplined. Recently boyfriend found out his son has been lying to him about going to school and other things. My boyfriend had a "come to Jesus" discussion with son about his irresponsibility and lying. ( I never was told details of this until we broke up) The son has had issues since his mother died(parents had been divorced 9 years before she died) and sometimes plays it to his advantage.

 

The son and I relationship is casual conversation and sometimes he confides in me about girlfriends or stuff about his mom(son and I have these chats rarely). I know our conversations make boyfriend leary bc of how mom and son conspired and kept secrets from "dad". Being aware of this, I was always careful of what son and I talked about and let son know that I am not his buddy or go between with his Dad.

 

After Dad had the big talk man up or get out talk, I knew about talk but not all the details and I saw the son "trying" to change step up to the plate. A week after this talk the son casually mentioned that while he was at work (works at nightclub)someone backed into his car "just a tap" and the person drove off. He asked me if I knew if his car insurance would pay for hit and run. I said you need to talk to your Dad.

 

Later that day (Sat.) while we were having a football party he came to me again in front of my girlfriend and the story became that the car tap was probably about 1,000 worth of damage at which point I said TELL YOUR DAD ! He gave me a big believable sob story about since his talk with his dad he needed to prove to him he was responsible and he asked I not say anything until he could get the police report and insurance claim started to prove to his dad that he was responsible. I said NO he asked again explaining that his track record with dining up cars wasn't great and he needed to prove it wasn't his fault and that he could be responsible he did not want to add to the tremendous about of stress Dad was under at work. I foolishly agreed to give him until Monday to tell his dad. I let him know if you do not tell your Dad I will.This goes against my grain but I so wanted to give him a chance to prove himself a man. I never conspired with son to hide or fix things so dad would not find out.

 

Boyfriend came home saw the damage (which I never noticed bc of the way he parked) he was furious and called me asking if I knew about it , I told him yes and he blew up wanting to know why I did not tell him and when I found I out. I told boyfriend that he told me Sat and that this was between he and his son and that all I did was give son a chance to prove himself and that son was going to tell him that night, well boyfriend never confronted son Monday night and the son never came and told his Dad.

 

Tuesday the son called asking about insurance at which I learned that he never told Dad. I told son how disappointed I was and the spot he put me in and how his dad knew and what was doing I did not understand why he was not telling his dad about something that wasnt his fault. Boyfriend has not spoken to me in 3 weeks, on short text about how upset he was with me and he needed time alone, and told me that I conspired with son to keep it from dad get it fixed and dad would never know, He also said he wondered how many other things I have hidden and helped son,

 

I sent him an detailed email about my role and I was sorry that I made a bad judgment call but assured him my role misguided as it was. Was to give son a chance to prove himself. Messed up as it sounds give son a chance to make dad proud that he was being responsible, Boyfriend sent me an email last Friday(3 weeks after accident) telling me he was sorry but all the trust was gone and for me to come get me stuff and that he was sorry but he would not tolerate lying, his email mainly was about his anger at son. I immediately called boyfriend and told him that I did not appreciate a breakup email !

 

I went over to his house that night ot collect my things and we talked about my role and how I could have done things differently but he said he could not get past thinking what else have I kept hidden form him. we talked for 4 hours boyfriend mainly talked about his son .

 

The son never came to talk ot him all he did was leave the accident report on the counter and texted his dad and son has done a dissappearing act Boyfriend had not seen son in 3 weeks. The email and the talk we had boyfriend kept saying I dont want to keep you in limbo and how he has enjoyed the seclusion of not having to worry about what lies his son is working on..

 

Boyfriend then told how he has been lying about going to school and other lies. The entire time and the email to me wasn't clear cut I want to break up it was more about his son. I told boyfriend that it was hurtful and not fair that we did not sit down and talk before he made decision to break up and then he said what are we doing now? I told him that he had already made the decision and that his behavior was hurtful,. I tried to leave with me stuff twice and he stopped me and kept pouring his heart out about his son and how he was taking back control and I was collateral damage, when I pressed him saying you are getting what I did confused with your anger and that I thought he made an big decision in anger a few time boyfriend teared up when talking about us, I held my ground until the end, I told him he did not have to do this and I believed he did not want to break up. He broke down a little and then I starting tearing up and asked him not to do this, he said saying I am sorry sometimes just isn't enough and all the trust is gone, I reminded him that I never have given him any reason not to trust me and I never conspired with son in all these years and I did not this time I only gave son 2 days to prove himself,

 

I told boyfriend that the punishment did not fit the crime where i was concerened and that I was getting pulled into his anger with son (who still has never come to talk to dad after 3 weeks). And that this was his chance to change his mind about breaking up. Boyfriend than said you and I can never be together, I said fine Im done, you are throwing me away for this I will not beg you to love me, He responded you are not trash dont feel that way, Then I left boyfriend visable shaken up.

 

The next day he texted me about seeiig my niece on tv in the crowd at football game he even sent me a screen shot of tv. What the Hell?? He is the type when he is done he is done.. It hurts that he does this to me and then sends casual text. What does this all mean??

[Stealth3]

Just give it a few weeks, let the anger die down a little.

[Butterbean68]

Even though his last words were, you and I can no longer be together? So hurtful