SadSarahL Posted November 28, 2004 Posted November 28, 2004 I have been living with my boyfriend for about 6 months now (we have been going out for about 2 years). He is the most important person in my life, and we are both madly in love. He is perfect for me in every way - except there is one problem. About once every couple of months, he'll go out with friends and end up binge drinking. When he is really drunk like that, he is extremely self destructive. A typical episode will see him bang his head repeatedly against the wall and then simply wonder off into the night. It scares me to see him out of control like that and I end up spending the night hysterically worried for his safety. He can also be emotionally abusive towards me when he is in that state, and has said some unbelievably cruel things that make me question our entire relationship. When he sobers up, he apologises and is genuine in his regret, although he never remembers anything that has happened the night before. He never intends to go out and binge drink but occasionally it just happens, such as when people start shouting shots. I think it would be unreasonable to ask him to give up alcohol altogether because we socialise and have drinks with friends a few times every week and 95% of the time he is a responsible drinker. I just don't know how to handle these episodes, as he becomes a monster who is impossible to reason with. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I don't want to give up on him because of this problem, but at the same time he has left me emotionally and physically exhausted. Does anyone have any advice?
dyermaker Posted November 29, 2004 Posted November 29, 2004 Originally posted by SadSarahL I think it would be unreasonable to ask him to give up alcohol altogether You're right. That would be unreasonable, to just ask him and expect him to comply. What wouldn't be unreasonable is to get him into an alcohol recovery program, if it's really bad, perhaps an intervention is neccessary. He needs to see that his drinking is hurting you (and others, I'm sure). because we socialise and have drinks with friends a few times every week and 95% of the time he is a responsible drinker. Stop the social drinking. The definition of an addict is someone who abuses something to the point where it harms their relationship with others, but they still cannot/do not stop. The substance needs to go, then you can work on repairing the relationship, if it's worth it to you. I would also reccomend you ceasing to use alcohol as well, if you're going to remain in his life as support during this time. I don't want to give up on him because of this problem Then stop ignoring it.
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 29, 2004 Posted November 29, 2004 Are You an Enabler? A lot of people in his situation don't understand that they have a problem and aren't likely to get anything but angry and defensive if someone suggests they need help. At the very least, you can expect that it will continue - as you enable it by saying I think it would be unreasonable to ask him to give up alcohol altogether because we socialise and have drinks with friends a few times every week and 95% of the time he is a responsible drinker. It sounds like you are both in a dangerous situation - which 5% of the time will be the one where he deals out some serious physical harm to himself or you or someone else? Have you talked to him about getting help for it? Talking to someone about it?
ziggue Posted November 29, 2004 Posted November 29, 2004 I know someone a friend in a similar situation. She has put up with it for like 4 to 5 years. Don't know how. Seen her boyfriend's good side and bad side. I can see why he is good for her but see more of why he is bad for her. Even I have been caught up in a situation that they have had where her boyfriend has been like that. It can be dangerous. Depending on how it comes around. Not good at all. Maybe he has a lot of anger from his child hood and somehow drinking brings out that anger. Still it's unacceptable that he is taking it all out on you. Drinking is not an excuse to do that. Do you know about how he grew up? Maybe talk to him and find out where the anger is coming from? Or it could be that he just can't handle his alcohol very well.
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