Helena1975 Posted September 29, 2013 Posted September 29, 2013 Well yesterday we went for a party. I dressed I thought nicely, when I got out of room I asked what he thought I look like. He said I look slappy and my Bally fat is visible through my lace blouse. So I went to change and then in the car I asked him why he though I was slappy dressed. He felt anoid by my questions and he said I should consult this issue with friends not with him. And if want to dressed just for him then I am wrong because I should not dresse for him but for myself. And he is not the guy who would help me to pick what looks good on me. I told him I want him to be proud of me. I had baby one year ago and I want to feel good about myself again. He keeps referring to consult this issue with other people as he refers me to other people when I need hug he just tells me that I can not demand hug it has to come naturally. When I ask what he means he tells me that I should do what ever I want to do. That he want give me a hug because I am in control of my mind and only I have power to change my mind. And more I want his attention less chance I have to get it from it. And that is how it goes and there are more situations like this one.
Sparty97 Posted September 29, 2013 Posted September 29, 2013 Well yesterday we went for a party. I dressed I thought nicely, when I got out of room I asked what he thought I look like. He said I look slappy and my Bally fat is visible through my lace blouse. So I went to change and then in the car I asked him why he though I was slappy dressed. He felt anoid by my questions and he said I should consult this issue with friends not with him. And if want to dressed just for him then I am wrong because I should not dresse for him but for myself. And he is not the guy who would help me to pick what looks good on me. I told him I want him to be proud of me. I had baby one year ago and I want to feel good about myself again. He keeps referring to consult this issue with other people as he refers me to other people when I need hug he just tells me that I can not demand hug it has to come naturally. When I ask what he means he tells me that I should do what ever I want to do. That he want give me a hug because I am in control of my mind and only I have power to change my mind. And more I want his attention less chance I have to get it from it. And that is how it goes and there are more situations like this one. I am going to take a stab in the dark that you are not having sex with him and if you are it is rare, say once a month or so. Just a guess on my part, but it feels familiar. For a long time I struggled against being a total d1ck when my wife asked these types of questions or demanded hugs yet wouldn't consider further physical intimacy. I struggle with it less now...I let my snark flag fly. Sounds like your husband has less restraint than I do.
Author Helena1975 Posted September 29, 2013 Author Posted September 29, 2013 He moved to another bedroom when our baby was born and he I still there. It has been like that for over 1.5 years.
Sparty97 Posted September 29, 2013 Posted September 29, 2013 Well Sparty, unfortunately your "women are always to blame for a lack of sex in a relationship" argument just ain't working here. It appears hubby has lost ALL interest in Helena now that she's given birth and has moved his all important self to another bedroom in the house. I'd be willing to bet he's found some other hot "mamas" to be interested in, however. What a douche. Really? Has she made him feel welcome in the marital bed? Is the child sleeping in their bedroom? There is more info needed. I did not say she was to blame, but the situation sounded awfully familiar.
Author Helena1975 Posted September 29, 2013 Author Posted September 29, 2013 Well I could walk in bikini and he would just ask me to move because he is watching tv. Or I can get hair cut and he would not notice anything. He usually talks on the phone or receives text msg. And I could be right next to him and he would not have courtesy to tell me who he was talking to. Once we were drinking wine , he pick up the phone it was his friend calling at 8 pm and he just talk and talked for 1.30 hours. I end up drinking wine all by myself and went to sleep. He did not ecknowledge me sitting and waiting for him. The next day I told him I did not like it. He said what is the deal whether I drink wine 1.30 earlier or later. I felt very lonely.
Author Helena1975 Posted September 29, 2013 Author Posted September 29, 2013 Thank you it wAs helpful respond. I need to get my life back and my confidence. 2
crederer Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 (edited) Yah my ex kinda did the same thing and it was just like "jesus just gimme two effing minutes to myself!" but the more I wanted and vocalized what I wanted, the harder she pushed for her own attention. Just chill out. You guys are probably around eachother far too often and it's just getting on his nerves. Also, as far as your dress attire, he was very blunt (my mother taught me to tread lightly on those subjects) but at the end of the day he gave you his honest opinion. Would you rather him say "you look beautiful" and then go out looking "slappy" (whatever the hell that means)? No right or wrong answer to that, just sayng it sounds like he was being brutally honest. Edited September 30, 2013 by crederer 1
Author Helena1975 Posted September 30, 2013 Author Posted September 30, 2013 I like what you said about brutally honest. I can work with that. What you do with his long phone conversations. It happened many times that he left me waiting. Another example, Thanksgiving, I cooked for 4 hours and when everything was on a table he got on the phone with the person a friend and talk and talk I give him signal it was time to eat because everything was on the table getting cold. He just turned his back to me and went even deeper into conversation with his friend. Then he sit down trying to eat while he was still talking to him. I got upset because he acted like that person on the phone was more important than us who are right with him. He seems to priorities people on the phone because he believe he can catch up with us latter. I believe that people who are In the room with you are more important because they make an affort to be there with us. Anyways he does these type of things many times. He would make planes with us ( myself and kids) and then he would cancel on us for a friend.
Bubberfly Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 I like what you said about brutally honest. I can work with that. What you do with his long phone conversations. It happened many times that he left me waiting. Another example, Thanksgiving, I cooked for 4 hours and when everything was on a table he got on the phone with the person a friend and talk and talk I give him signal it was time to eat because everything was on the table getting cold. He just turned his back to me and went even deeper into conversation with his friend. Then he sit down trying to eat while he was still talking to him. I got upset because he acted like that person on the phone was more important than us who are right with him. He seems to priorities people on the phone because he believe he can catch up with us latter. I believe that people who are In the room with you are more important because they make an affort to be there with us. Anyways he does these type of things many times. He would make planes with us ( myself and kids) and then he would cancel on us for a friend. Hahahaha I'm sorry I can't help but laugh. He hides in his room. He spends all his time on the phone. He back talks You when you're trying to get him to have manners. I'm sorry Helena, but you are married to a teenager. You make it sound almost like he sees you as his nagging mother, while he the teenage boy can spend all his time with his friends and sassing you for being totally lame. I think you need to tell him to put his big boy pants on and act like an ADULT. Perhaps if he wants to act like a baby, you should treat him like one. If he wants to be rude and gab on the phone while at dinner, kick him out. Eat your meal, and throw out the rest. Let him fend for himself. It seems that this is quite a dysfunctional marriage. Do you have anywhere you and your little one can go? I think you need to get away from him for a while. Tell him when he grows up, then he can be in your life. 2
lollipopspot Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 I am going to take a stab in the dark that you are not having sex with him and if you are it is rare, say once a month or so. Where the heck do you get that from her post?
Bubberfly Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Where the heck do you get that from her post? From other posts I've read from Sparty, it seems Helena's husband and he are the ones talking on the phones together. A teenager in a mans body.
Sparty97 Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Where the heck do you get that from her post? Reading between the lines.
xxoo Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Looking to him for reassurance and satisfaction isn't working. Look to yourself. Do things for yourself, to improve your life. Either he will notice and be intrigued (and if he is, that is the time to tell him that you want marriage counseling to work on your communication problems). Or he won't notice, but you'll be happier anyway. 2
Author Helena1975 Posted October 1, 2013 Author Posted October 1, 2013 Thank you for your thoughts. I do not have anywhere to go to because all my family is in Europe. I don't want to tell my family about these problems I have because I am embarrassed to say anything. It is very hard for me to be in the house with the guy who acts like teenager. I actually called him a 15 years old once he did something which grown ups don't do. I remember he told that I don't racional mind. I do try think of myself how to do things for myself. I cook for myself and kids, I exercise, I take care of myself. But it is hard to enjoy all of the good things we could have when he is the way he is. How do you teach an adult good manners, I want to keep my traditions which I have learn from my grand mom and mom, and he would not follow them because I can not explain why my family doesn't that way. Example, Christmas we eat dinner on 24 at 6 pm and then open presents. The whole day on 24 we don't eat food we wait until 6 pm and we eat a lot. I don't do it exactly like that because we do eat something during the day. But my husband would go out to eat lunch with his friends and when is time to eat with us he is not hungry. So here I go practicing my tradition by myself with kids. And I feel sad that he doesn't see the bauti of celabrationg Christmas with us. Person who said that he is just like teenaged is right. There are many where I felt like a parent to him. Is it possible to get the adult out of him?
Author Helena1975 Posted October 1, 2013 Author Posted October 1, 2013 Thank you for what you said. I actually told him that I don't want him to disrespect me. What I got back is that I have controlling issue and I can not control him how long, and when he gets on the phone. His favorite phrase is what is the big deal whether we eat our dinner hour earlier or hour later. And when tell him that I am hungry that is why he just tell me that everything is about me and that I am selfish. Hoe do you can make any kind of conversation with the person like he is.
crederer Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Yah, you gotta make some demands and stick to them. Not saying divorce (I don't really believe in divorce unless abusive), but I have a feeling you pick up after him and cook for him as if you're his mother. Well, if he doesn't appreciate those things and would rather talk on the phone (seriously though, what kind of guy talks on the phone that much?) then he can make his own food and you'll just make enough for you and the baby. That along with all the other household chores you do for him. Simply nagging a person or trying to persuade them rarely works if they were smothered by their mother. There has to be consequences for them to fully understand. 2
Recommended Posts