Laneot Posted September 29, 2013 Posted September 29, 2013 Hello...first time poster! I have a bit of an awkward situation and I would like some advice on what to do... Its a bit complex so sit back and enjoy! I noticed a HS facebook friend liking and posting on my pics, more frequently than before. I checked out his profile and he still had his boyish looks although a larger frame (same here, save for the boyish looks...haha). I reached out to him about "juicing" as we are both on a weight loss journey. He responded, and the conversation went from there. I told him that I'd like to get to know him better and gave him my number. A day later he called and we chatted for about 1 1/2 hours and he said he was never married/no kids. I myself have two teens from my first marriage, but have not remarried. He suggested we meet up on Saturday for drinks and tapas. On Friday night, he had his farewell party at work, and got super drunk (going from bar to bar til 2 am...yeah, I thought so!). I text him at 12 pm Saturday to ask if we are still on for the night, and if not I understood as I had seen his FB pics of the bars on bars on bars. He text me at 4 pm stating he had to pass on the "date" as he had a major hangover and slept all day. He "had errands to run" and was super behind on everything. Stated "We will talk later"... and thanked me for understanding. No text or message post that. (I should mention he responds to texts hours later...) What next? (This is my first foray into the flirt/dating world after a long relationship which ended a year ago) Is he interested? Is he kindly telling me thanks but no thanks? Sorry for being long winded, but I just don't know ...
Author Laneot Posted September 29, 2013 Author Posted September 29, 2013 It should be noted that we are both 38... a little too old for games.Any advice is helpful!
Author Laneot Posted September 29, 2013 Author Posted September 29, 2013 When on the phone, he did say he was attracted to me, and suggested the Saturday meet up. He did mention that he had not dated in quite some time, although trying online dating and speed dating had resulted in no matches, and that meeting someone at 38 was much harder than at 28...I guess I'm hopeful he calls..
soccerrprp Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 (edited) It should be noted that we are both 38... a little too old for games.Any advice is helpful! Laneot, Welcome back to the dating world. Believe me, your age of 38 doesn't mean that games will not be played. So, as unfortunate as this may sound, games are played by people of all ages. But, in your case, wait for him to get back to you. You've already indicated your interest and he may just need some time to regroup as he says. Good luck. Edited September 30, 2013 by soccerrprp 2
soccerrprp Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 That explains a bit. If he hasn't dated in a while, he might not realize how bad flaking is and all the signals etc. I'd give him a bit more leeway because of that. He at least told you he found you attractive [so there is no friend zone business] so you can relax and play it cool. All due respect, I am not in total agreement with this. Flaking is flaking and no amount of time away from dating is or should be an excuse for it. The sign of flakiness is simply to be inconsiderate and manipulative. I hadn't been in the world of dating for over 13 years and would never have thought of flaking out on someone. I don't know. Just my thoughts.
Author Laneot Posted September 30, 2013 Author Posted September 30, 2013 While I do agree that as a 38 year old man, he should know better, and in the sense that dating experiences have not been positive for him (both online and in person) I just would've expected him to be a little more proactive when you have someone who is indicating their interest in you... again, I'm out of the loop so I don't know what is acceptable. I can accept that he was a bit of a mess, and would not be able to present his best foot forward on Saturday. However, shouldn't he make an effort to reschedule?Whats worse is that we have reunion in a few weeks, and he is going...
lollipopspot Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 I would say from what you posted that he is at best mildly interested. He's not really reaching out to make it up to you. What he did is a red flag for flakiness and behavior that's not going to make you feel very good. It could be that this is just a bad time for him and this is not who he is, but I'd be alert and not invest my hopes and emotions until he showed otherwise.
Author Laneot Posted September 30, 2013 Author Posted September 30, 2013 I figured mildly interested as we really don't know each other at all post HS. I just wonder if him setting up the Saturday date was just to be nice as I sort of put myself out there... Dating was so much easier in HS!!!
crederer Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 Nah he's just nervous. Make him feel comfortable and he'll go for it.
Author Laneot Posted September 30, 2013 Author Posted September 30, 2013 Nah he's just nervous. Make him feel comfortable and he'll go for it. I can't believe that he's nervous. How do I go about making him comfortable? That seems odd when everyone else says wait on it...Do I EVER call him? or should he call me?
soccerrprp Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 I can't believe that he's nervous. How do I go about making him comfortable? That seems odd when everyone else says wait on it...Do I EVER call him? or should he call me? Laneot, You've already indicated your interest. He told you that "we'll talk later." So, if he is interested he will contact you soon. If not, he will brush you off. BUT, in the end, it's your decision if you want to contact him or not. You'll hear varying opinions, but you need to decide what you want to do. Contacting him once more is not such a bad idea, but could come across as being a little cling or desperate. Could. I don't know the guy....good luck.
crederer Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 What's so wrong with contacting him? You don't have to pour your heart out to him. Just be like "hey when you gunna take me out again" or something playful.
Author Laneot Posted September 30, 2013 Author Posted September 30, 2013 We haven't gone out yet.. I was pretty forward when I told him that I was interested in getting to know him...as he was missing all the signs... and he said he loved the fact that I was brazen enough to put myself out there... yeah right!
pyramid Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 If it were me, I'd send a text in a few days, something like "recovered from that hangover yet?" - if he doesn't try to reschedule at that point, then forget it...
Author Laneot Posted September 30, 2013 Author Posted September 30, 2013 Well, in sort of an update, I texted him wishing him well today as he had an interview. He responded "thanks so much"... Hmmmmm Any clue?
Author Laneot Posted October 20, 2013 Author Posted October 20, 2013 As of this evening, I have had no response from him. I tried to reach out and wish him well on a new endeavor, and he responded "Thank you"...and that was all.I went so far as to come straight out and ask if he was available on a particular night to meet up. Message was seen...no response.I'm sorta upset because it would be decent for him to just call or text or even message that he isn't interested...Girls need closure, I guess. I expected him to unfriend me but he hasn't so I get to see his wild weekends... Anything??/
wavejumper Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 do you really want to bother with a 38 year old who seems to have a drinking problem? never mind that he blew you off and didn't have the care to try and make it up to you. you deserve better 1
Author Laneot Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 do you really want to bother with a 38 year old who seems to have a drinking problem? never mind that he blew you off and didn't have the care to try and make it up to you. you deserve better True...all very true. It messes with my self esteem, although I can't seem to shake how you can have a great convo on the phone and then just fall off the earth so to speak. I guess I value communication a lot more than he does at this point. To add an addl element to this whole issue, we will be at a mutual friends wedding... -_-
HeyKat Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 (edited) Do you want to date a 38yr old that is hitting the bar scene like a 21 year old? I'm 35 and just I guess got dumped by a immature 50yr old. It's better to be on your own than with someone that doesn't make you a priority, and sounds like the bar is his, who stays in bed until 4pm at that age? I bet you can do better Edited October 21, 2013 by HeyKat
park8957 Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Hello! I read about your re-entering into the dating world and I have to say that this man you reconnected with over Facebook does not seem very reliable. He doesn't seem like he is very mature for his age, due to the fact that he is still bar hopping. It seems like your reconnection is more interested in dating and not looking for a serious relationship. If that is something you are interested in then I would chat with him on the phone and on Facebook more to get to know him better. If you are looking for a serious relationship I would use what is known as, the filter theory, which is a theory based on the filtering of possible partners by seeing if the potential partner you picked, has important factors that you want in a potential life partner. If your potential partner does not have the qualities that you desire, you filter him out as a friend. An example of important factors would be: propinquity(how close they are to you, do they live near you?), Physical attractiveness(are you attracted to your possible partner?), race and ethnicity(Is dating the same race important to you or your family?), religion(Do you desire someone who has the same religion as you?), social class(Do you care which social class your partner is in?), and age. These important factors can enable you to find a potential life partner and help you weed out those who don't fit the bill, so to say. This process can help you figure out what you need in a man as well! I hope this helped you! Good luck!
Author Laneot Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 Do you want to date a 38yr old that is hitting the bar scene like a 21 year old? I'm 35 and just I guess got dumped by a immature 50yr old. It's better to be on your own than with someone that doesn't make you a priority, and sounds like the bar is his, who stays in bed until 4pm at that age? I bet you can do better Very true... I was a bit bugged by his bar hopping night, but I understood as it was an event. He's been careful not to like any of my fb posts, but hasn't indicated any interest in me. I'm just disappointed as he seemed so nice and genuine...
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