Love of my life? My first LDR story. I wan't to have hope

[gmed]

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a month, but we met and have been talking for three months. We met through mutual friends at a music festival in Europe, on the last day we kissed and felt a powerful connection and then we parted ways, but the communication didn't stop at all since.

 

With us texting each other, skyping and the mutual feelings of infatuation on both our parts I decided to go visit him in his city on my way back from Europe (he was there to pick me up at the airport even though it was 3am), as I stayed an extra two weeks. We're both from the same country, and have many many mutual friends in common. In fact, we are both each others best friend's best friends in different cities. I decided to give this a chance as I'm a very level headed person, and constantly reminded myself not to get my expectations up, and let it all play out. In fact, it was many firsts for both of us, and I was the first guy to stay over at his house and we weekended together. He was definitely the more infatuated one at this point and I felt in control. I met alot of his best friends and they adored me.

 

After my five days there I went back home and at the end of the week we decided that he should come to my city as my parents had left town, we split the plane ticket cost, and he literally had to jump out of a taxi and on to a motorcycle to get through a 6000 person demonstration blocking the airport to get to the plane. We spent three days together that weekend and it was wonderful, and one of my best friends met and also adores him!

 

Constant texting and skyping was a key aspect of our communication, and I even mentioned to him that I wasn't sure this would be possible to keep up once I got into university again, he got extremely angry at this assumption and said it was essential that we talk EVERY day, that we had to make that effort. It made me realize that this guy really is trying everything to be with me, and he's more than proved himself. On one of our nights talking, he told me that he loved me and I was in shock, I couldn't say it back. But eventually I did, and after another week of talking we decided we were exclusive and bf's.

 

After this, he came to visit me in the city that I study university and stayed for five days, he met my sister and another one of my best friends and it was an amazing trip all in all. After this trip to visit me though, it's as if our whole dynamic has changed and I'm the one that messages him, and it can now take him up to 2 hours to reply to my texts, skype calls have become infrequent and he is always too tired (which I understand completely as he is in uni and a full time job). But on weekends, it would be a given that we would talk on skype, and it just feels like I'm the one constantly fighting to get our conversations back to where they were. They've become monotonous and I have felt extremely abandoned by his lack of interest in my (atleast that's how I feel, although it may just be my perception). I never ever tell him what to do, or expect his life to revolve around me and viceversa, but I have mentioned it many times that we need to communicate and share everything that we're feeling if we want this to work. He forgets to send me pictures when he told me he would, of his activities on certain days (took him 24 hours, to reply) and has begun to not even say goodnight on texts. I've pulled back a bit, as I felt that I might just be acting clingy, but that doesn't change a thing, he seems fine and dandy, while I constantly am waiting to see when he'll text me or ask to skype.

 

I finally told him the other day, after attempting to talk on skype but never feeling the right moment, that we needed to seriously talk. He had never replied faster! Within literally two seconds he answered and was acting worried (another reason why I feel hurt, is because I know he has his phone by him 24/7), I played it cool and he practically ran home after uni to skype me. I told him that I felt we weren't communicating enough, that we needed to make a bigger effort and that this wasn't me telling him off in any way, but just me letting him know how I feel. I also told him that I didn't think we were connecting emotionally in the same way, and that I understand how busy he is, but that I will share the burden and do whatever it takes for us to be able to talk.

 

His opinion on the issue was that he felt I was to hung up on the fact that we're apart, and that we both have to live our lives and not be so hung up, but know we love each other and are there for each other. But that yes, we did need to make more of an effort to speak more, and connect more. He also said that he felt I needed to do other activities to keep myself busy (probably right). But he reaffirmed he's never felt he loved anyone like me, and the same on my part.

 

So now here come my question, if you've bared with me this far! (Please forgive me, for the length of this bloody thing). Basically since our talk, I felt so much better, I haven't been texting as much and trying to keep myself occupied, but basically he's acting the same, it's me that keeps iniciating texts, he won't hasn't said goodnight or goodmorning once and I'm headed over to visit him next weekend for my birthday.

 

I just keep feeling abandoned and hurt by his lack of communication, especially after our talk. So here I am pondering not for the first time if this LDR thing is for me, I've cried three times in the last week thinking about ending it, because I feel like I truly do love him and so does he. I KNOW we have extremely strong feelings for each other, and I can see us having a future together. I can't imagine being with anybody else, and he's expressed the same things to me (That he loves me, I make him a better person, even had little convos about having kids and were we would live). We've set a future date for being together when we're done with college, which should be in a year and a half, and we've also made a pledge to not let a month go by without us seeing each other in person. But I can't imagine this whole thing going on like this for a year and a half, I'm either going to get to hurt, or I feel like we will just grow apart by his actions.

 

So what is your advice for me? I want to wait and see how he acts before my birthday, and how he acts when we're there in person together before I make a decision of whether this love is worth it, I don't usually open up like this to people and I'm very guarded. So it's already a challenge to be in a relationship, I want to give it my all, but I'm not sure if we're on the same page. What are your recommendations.

 

PLEASE HELP this hurting heart, anything will be appreciated. And thank you for bearing with my extremely long essay!

[emi]

There is no guarantee of any relationship is worth or not. No one of us knows.

If you and him both worried about what you heading into, then you better dont.

LDR are hard, some works, some dont ( like normal relationships as well)

If you think he is worth it, you should give it your best. Since at the end of days, the only thing we regret is something we didnt try.

 

I know a couple who waited 3 years to be together.

So : IF U TWO BOTH WANT IT BAD, WHY NOT?

[Doicare]

Hey,

 

I hear you, we all want to be paid attention to and loved etc. That said, coming from someone whose been in a ldr for 3 years, my advice is to take it easy. Go and enjoy your life, dont wait for him to reply. Trust me that's the best thing. Im not saying to not contact him or show your affection, what im saying is that you have to trust that you love one another while you both go off and enjoy your time that you have to yourself - socialize, laugh, enjoy time with your friends. At university, you're really at the stage where you will never quite have this incredible freedom, as you do when you start working etc. Trust me he will come around.

 

Ive always had faith that if my girlfriend loves me, she will get in touch with me, reach out and show me affection the way it's comfortable for her. If we dont talk for 3-5 days, it's ok. I know she's there and i have a special place in her heart, and same goes here. There is little pressure between us and it will take as long as it takes (we're in our 30s).

 

If it's meant to be, it will be. Forcing a situation usually has the opposite effect, whereas giving it room to grow, and to allow you and your bf to be loved and free is what makes relationships work.

 

Just my two cents.

 

J