Barby Posted November 28, 2004 Posted November 28, 2004 I'm feeling guilty about talking to someone online...I mean last time my BF of 2 years and I broke up I ended up going into a chat room and talking to this guy who doesn't live far from me and he's cute, totally my type (only more of a gentleman than I'm used to (even though that sounds sad) it's true). Once my BF and I got back together I quit all contact with this guy, told him why and ended contact. Well anyway long story short my BF decided to go to visit family out of state and since things were getting rocky again (basically I'm just not happy, the relationship isn't what it used to be and it seems to be getting worse and worse, him calling me stupid, bitch, ect even though he claims it's a joke it still hurts) so I told him we need to end things for good. (Every other time I've said this eventually we've gotten back together) This time I want it to be permanent and only I can make that happen I realize... Anyway back to my point, I've been talking online to this guy Jose and he claims he's really into me, he is totally stable in every sense of the word (so he seems online and on the phone) but I feel so guilty that I'm talking to him so quickly after breaking it off with my BF. He knows I'm having surgery and wants to come see me in the hospital, well I'm not ready for that yet...I would rather meet him on better terms and when I can make a better impression.. Okay well my question is...(even though I answered a post like this before now I'm seeking advice) am I in the wrong for picking back up communication with this guy so soon after breaking up with my BF??!! I don't usually do this and I feel I'm doing something wrong even though I know I don't want to be with my ex at ALL!
GirlDown Posted November 28, 2004 Posted November 28, 2004 obviously this ex was pretty crappy. don't feel guilty. and sometimes, it does help to talk to someone who isn't in your face (like someone online) because you have the option of breaking contact without consequence. also, coming out of a relationship that was the other person was hurtful to you, it is easy to want to hear nice things coming from someone else. nothing wrong with that. however, don't take this online guy for a ride. if he thinks he's really into you, it'll hurt if you one day just stop talking to him. make it clear if you are not ready for a relationship and that for now, you like just talking to him. good luck...you're very normal, and you should not be ashamed.
indigo_moon Posted November 28, 2004 Posted November 28, 2004 First off, you can't possibly know enough about this guy from chatting and emailing and talking on the phone to know he's a gentleman or a good guy. He could be a sicko for all you know. Don't be naive. Even internet predators are smooth and charming in the beginning. He could have 10 other girls he's communicating with, you have no idea. Does Jose know you've recently (again) ended things with your long time boyfriend? He has a right to know that you've still got issues to deal with and are likely on the rebound. That's not fair to anyone to keep this kind of information a secret. Especially considering you and the ex have a pattern of breaking up and getting back together. What is the rush to be with someone else again? Is it so wrong to just take some time to be single and get yourself straightened out and reflect back over your past 2 yr relationship and see what things you've learned from it and what you may have done to contribute to it ending? Why does everyone have to jump back into another relationship right away, I've never understood that. And are you really going to remain broken up with your boyfriend this time or is that just a temporary thing because you're angry with him? You need to make some decisions and stick with them. You can't blame him for treating you badly if you continue going back with him.
Author Barby Posted November 28, 2004 Author Posted November 28, 2004 First off I don't "blame" him for anything...he doesn't know how to respect someone the way he should, I'm his first serious relationship so later on he'll realize how to behave and treat his S/O. You're right, I did continue to go back to him because I was in love with him...I still love him but I'm sure I can't do this anymore.....NOW about not being naive, come on how dumb do ya think I am...I'm not trying to have a "relationship" with this guy, if he has 20 other females he's talking too, that's perfectly okay with me...we're not talking about hooking up or anything. He says he's into me and that he really wants to get to know me....and as far as being single, nothing wrong with that at all...when I ended my marriage I was alone for almost 2 years and took time to heal myself and be alone and get to know me again...(since we tend to lose ourselves in our S/O) Yes Jose is well aware of me just breaking up with Oscar (my now ex BF) again he knew that I had split from him when we first started talking and we got back together, he knew that I had strong feelings for Oscar and that in no way was I seeking a relationship right now...but we could be friends... Since I am starting to talk to him again he knows all that's going on and that one day I may be interested in meeting up with him and becoming friends on a deeper level other than just email,IM/phone I'm not playing games by any means with anyone....I just feel guilty cuz I never end it with someone and right away start talking to another guy.
tiki Posted November 29, 2004 Posted November 29, 2004 Barby, because of your ongoing situation with Oscar, I say go for it with the new guy!! It'd be different if Oscar had treated you better, maybe you'd feel like you 'owed him more'...but as of now, he's treated you like sh*t and you owe him nothing. I agree, be careful with internet dating...but you know this. Take it slow and have fun. You deserve a man that will treat you like a queen. Now go find one!
Author Barby Posted November 29, 2004 Author Posted November 29, 2004 Thanks Tiki, I know you know my situation, I've tried and tried and although he has changed a good deal, his name calling and needing to put me down to feel better about himself is one problem that he can't get himself over and I'm done being the one to be there to suck that up...nothing major happened but it's like something in me snapped and I woke up and just won't take it anymore. I know internet dating is very uncertain and for now I'm only interested in possible friendship, I'm tired of not being free to express myself, ect....SO I'm gonna be alone until I find myself someone who realizes how damn lucky he is to have someone who will do so much and ask for so little (but no longer compromising myself to do so). I'm so glad I have this place and you guys to talk to (i have people I know face to face but sometimes this is better)
savethedrama4allama Posted November 29, 2004 Posted November 29, 2004 Well if my 2cents means anything to you barby I don't think you're wrong. You've taken a lot, and now that you're broken up you owe no allegience to him. I'll save the crap about the internet safety because you know. Its ok to look for new options.
tattoomytoe Posted November 29, 2004 Posted November 29, 2004 Originally posted by savethedrama4yrmama Well if my 2cents means anything to you barby I don't think you're wrong. You've taken a lot, and now that you're broken up you owe no allegience to him. I'll save the crap about the internet safety because you know. Its ok to look for new options. Amen sister! The Llama hath Spoken!
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