She just decides to go...

[mane]

We were together for about a year. She was always the carefree sort who lives for today and does not worry about tomorrow or what is going to happen to her 30 years down the road. Her bank acct isn't very healthy but she gets by.

 

When we were together, I would want to take care of her, feed her properly and make sure her physical needs are met. She would want to plan for activities, things we can do together etc.

 

She doesn't like last minute things and she loves everything to be planned. Whenever I disrupted her plans by asking her out at the last minute, she would get very mad and at times not speak to me for a while.

 

Whenever we meet, she takes a long time to warm up, like maybe 2-3 hours and by that time, I often need to go. Cos we don't live together. It's a horrible feeling.

 

She needs a lot of emotional fufilment. And there are times, when she needs it, I can't give it to her cos of my work. She works free lance so she pretty much has a lot of time to herself. One day after she came back from a 4 day holiday with her best friend, I took a day off to pick her up from the airport. We had dinner, she was clingy, then as I was going home she said I feel distant. Perhaps I wasn't able to give in to her emotionally that day as I was a little drained too.

 

The next day she texts me and says, the journey has reached the end and she doesn't want to continue anymore. I told her I would prefer her to end it face to face with me but she says she needs time as she isn't ready to see me. She said the feeling isn't new anymore. We can't create anything new together.

 

At first I was a little confused by her statement. However, upon self reflection I guess I finally understood what she meant. I never did my bit for relationship management. Like surprising her at her home, taking a day off and chilling with her. She was also tired of telling me to do things like clearing up my room, changing my job since I'm so unhappy and some other stuff. I'm still the same old me though I have made an effort cos I recognise that these things will help improve my life, it is way too slow. I do feel that she has given her best effort and I really shouldn't be asking for more.

 

But as a dumpee, I will naturally feel that our relationship is worth saving cos I had felt every ounce of her love and did love her in return. But perhaps I wasn't concentrating on all the right stuff.

 

I wanna email her and tell her all this. But I don't really know if I should

[Polak]

Hold back on the email, it's not necessary. The way I see it is, she is very demanding. Considering nobody is perfect, you couldn't meet her constantly shuffling demands, and that threw you in a loop. It sounds to me that although you may love her, she's got some real maturing to do before she can return your love fully. You said it yourself: "She needs a lot of emotional fulfillment." That's normal to some extent (all girls need it) but the way she acts is over the top; she expects everything to happen in her way.

 

I say let it go. Even if you don't see it now, you can find someone better. Someone who might actually provide some simple love on the days you're feeling drained, instead of berating you and expecting perfection.

[Salvatore85]

You don't need to change, you just need to find someone who loves you for who you are.