librooks Posted November 28, 2004 Posted November 28, 2004 My b/f of 5 months wakes up at 5:30am. I'm not a morning person, and I get up much later. He's horny in the morning, so he slides his hands under my pj's and starts feeling me up, grabbing my butt, licking my boobs, and "grinding" me, while I'm still half asleep! I've asked him nicely several times to stop doing this. I think it's rude, crude, and disrespectful if it's clearly not mutual. He says, "Excuse me for wanting to get close to you!" and that I'm being cold and pushing him away, even though we continue to cuddle. Then he's cold or argumentative for the rest of the day. I think he should respect my feelings about this and stop getting angry just because he can't get what he wants. Am I being cold by not allowing him to molest me in the morning? I've tried every way possible to let him know how much this bothers me, but he doesn't want to hear it. What can I do? I'd like to hear from guys as well. My b/f thinks "all women are crazy" so he won't value replies from women!
indigo_moon Posted November 28, 2004 Posted November 28, 2004 He is obviously very selfish and immature if he can't understand that sex has to be a mutual decision. I once was in a relationship with a guy who was similar - he was a control freak and he always wanted sex at an ungodly hour, too, and like yourself, I wasn't a morning person. I couldn't stand feeling guilted and pressured into sex when the sun was coming up, all because he wanted it. First thing in the morning like that, I'm tired, I have to wake up slowly, my bladder is full and I can't even enjoy sex when I have to pee very badly. He could not understand this. he thought I was being unaffectionate like your guy, he'd pout for the rest of the day and be distant to me. Nobody needs an immature jerk like that. If he wants it so bad, tell him use his right hand. You are not an object or something put on this earth simply for his pleasure or to get his rocks off. A good loving mature man would try to compromise and know you well enough to know you're not a morning person and he's be less pushy and overbearing. Is he this immature and selfish in other areas of your relationship?
Author librooks Posted November 28, 2004 Author Posted November 28, 2004 No, he's not selfish in other areas of the relationship. But he tends to be cold, unemotional, and insensitive. Like he'll say things that are very hurtful, not to hurt me but just because that's how he feels. He was married for 12 years to a crazy women who took everything he had, then he rebounded from that by going out with a woman who used him and then dumped him for someone else. So I think I'm getting punished for what these other women did to him. We've been together for 5 months. In the beginning, he always told me how much he loves me, that he wants to move in with me tomorrow, that we'll be married in a year. He would count the days every time we saw each other. He stopped doing that after about 2 months. Now he says I'm the reason, because I've "changed". Yes, I've changed. I'm reacting to the way he's changed. He was so loving and respectful in the beginning. Then he started taking me for granted when he knew he "had" me.
indigo_moon Posted November 28, 2004 Posted November 28, 2004 So basically he put on a good act to win you over, and now that you're his - his possession - you're expected to suck up his coldness and lack of affection, and just be his plaything and ready to have sex whenever he wants it, like a loveslave. Are you happy? Many people put on an act in the beginning of a relationship - they pretend to be something they're so clearly not, but they know what to "portray" to win someone over. Sounds like you're seeing his true colors now. And don't be too sure his ex wife was crazy and rotten...you're only hearing his side of the story, you haven't heard hers (of course you won't, but you get my point). I am always leary of any man who puts all the blame on their ex and bashes them. There's always shared responsibility for a relationship not working out. Guys who try profusely to paint their ex wives and ex girlfriends and crazy, unstable, mean, psycho, (you name it) - they are almost aways trouble. I'm always leary of men who have big chips on their shoulder about their past relationships in general. Nobody said life or relationships were going to be easy, but men (and woman) who have this "victim mindset" and whine about how bad they were treated in the past, 9 out of 10 times they are talking crap to make you feel so sorry for them. The guy I mentioned to you, who used to try and push/guilt me into having sex with him at ungodly hours - he was a prince prior to us moving in together. The most romantic, thoughtful, affectionate, expressive, considerate guy on earth - but 2 weeks after we began living together, it all ended like that. It was like living with a total stranger. I asked him about this one day, his response, "I don't need to keep trying, I've already got you." Creepy yet honest. Lots of guys think this way. They love the thrill of the chase and leading you to believe they're prince charming..but once you take the bait, you belong to them and they let their true colors show. You've been nothing more than a conquest. Sounds like you need to seriously reconsider this relationship. Life is too short to spend with someone who's cold and cruel and thoughtless and selfish and insecure - who has a big chip on his shoulder about women - who's trying to make you pay for his supposed past hurts.
alphamale Posted November 28, 2004 Posted November 28, 2004 Just a sidenote. Most men's testosterone level is highest in the morning when they wake up and that is why many of us love morning sex. You are rested, full of energy and your "little buddy" is standing at attention and ready to go. I have only met a handful of women that enjoyed regular morning sex and the usual excuse they would give was "Oh, I don't feel beautiful or sexy in the morning". Take from this what you will. It is just some facts and observations.
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