Angry bird Posted September 29, 2013 Posted September 29, 2013 He said he was glad to hear from me. He apologized for being a dick. He said he tried texting weeks ago because he was thinking of me. I gotta new phone and number about a month ago. I am happy I am not holding on to the bad memory, I felt a bit of closure. I would genuinely like to see if a friendship is possible...nothing more. Sigh. I cried when he apologized, I was so happy and relieved. It hurt so much after what happened. I was 60 days no contact a little over 3 months BU.
AnyaNova Posted September 29, 2013 Posted September 29, 2013 On the one hand, I am glad that you got some closure and the exchange did not go badly for you. On the other, many of us are struggling daily with the extreme desire for some sort of closure or answer that we never got. Struggling with the perception that if we just texted him or her we could make it at least a little bit better. 99 percent of the time. That is not what happens. 99 percent of the time, the dumpee gets hurt worse and set back to square one. By posting this, you have just raised the hopes a little bit in all of us, for things that most of us know that we shouldn't be hoping for. Shouldn't try for. I am glad that you got your closure and are at peace. Wishing more of us on here, were.
Author Angry bird Posted September 29, 2013 Author Posted September 29, 2013 @ Anya, you need to step off with the hate. This board is to share our experiences, not seek approval from you on our choices. If you want to reach out to your ex that is your business. But, tell me I am raising hope, by sharing my story. This is what this venue is for... So over you right about now.
loveofhorses1970 Posted September 29, 2013 Posted September 29, 2013 I'm glad yours went well. I wish mine had. It just hammered home he wants absolutely nothing to do with me. And he doesn't seem to feel bad at all. When we broke up, we left it that we would be friends and well wishes for him on my part-none from him to me. It went something like this. Me: I hate that we can't talk Him: I'm sorry. It's for the best. Me: So I'm guessing friendship is out of the question Him: Yes, we're past friends Me: Understood. I wish this had never happened. I don't know how it got this far. Him: Me, too Me: For what it's worth, I'm sorry for my part and for any hurt I caused for everyone. Kinda feels like it's being portrayed as all my fault. Him: It's not. You're grasping Me: Grasping?? Him: Let it be Really wish I'd remained at no contact. And if the tide turns and he contacts me, I really hope I can remain at no contact.
Author Angry bird Posted September 29, 2013 Author Posted September 29, 2013 I know it hurts, I tried to reach out earlier in the BU, and he shot me down. I went NC for 10 weeks. Then it was like an itch I had to scratch, so I just texted him. I don't know if we will be friends...or if I will talk to him again. But, that burden has lifted a bit. I am still healing though. And that needy emotional pull that I had has disappeared. I know that I learned a lot about myself. 1
AnyaNova Posted September 29, 2013 Posted September 29, 2013 (edited) Angry bird, it is not about hate. There is no hate in anything I have posted. It is just that it is important to think about others when you post on a public forum. Particularly, it is important to discover what the "ethos" of the group is, so that if, for some reason, you are posting against the ethos, you are aware of it, and can acknowledge it. But going on to a board where 99 percent of the posters believe firmly in NC, and with very good reason, and posting all about how well breaking NC went for you has the capacity to be quite damaging to many of the people here who are trying to heal. If I have any issue with you at all, it is simply to note a certain amount of self-absorption, and an inability to perceive how your responses could be taken by others. The two posts I have seen from you, involved telling a woman whose ex had already gotten her pregnant, abandoned her, caused a life threatening miscarriage, and caused her to be unable to conceive, who had just found out that her ex was getting married and had made a new girl pregnant, to "be grateful it isn't you, child." And now this. Angry Bird, I do not hate you. I do not wish ill for you. What I will honestly say, is that I think that you display a marked lack of sensitivity, and ability to predict how your responses might effect others. Edited September 29, 2013 by AnyaNova 1
cavalier99 Posted September 29, 2013 Posted September 29, 2013 Angry bird, it is not about hate. There is no hate in anything I have posted. It is just that it is important to think about others when you post on a public forum. Particularly, it is important to discover what the "ethos" of the group is, so that if, for some reason, you are posting against the ethos, you are aware of it, and can acknowledge it. But going on to a board where 99 percent of the posters believe firmly in NC, and with very good reason, and posting all about how well breaking NC went for you has the capacity to be quite damaging to many of the people here who are trying to heal. If I have any issue with you at all, it is simply to note a certain amount of self-absorption, and an inability to perceive how your responses could be taken by others. The two posts I have seen from you, involved telling a woman whose ex had already gotten her pregnant, abandoned her, caused a life threatening miscarriage, and caused her to be unable to conceive, who had just found out that her ex was getting married and had made a new girl pregnant, to "be grateful it isn't you, child." And now this. Angry Bird, I do not hate you. I do not wish ill for you. What I will honestly say, is that I think that you display a marked lack of sensitivity, and ability to predict how your responses might effect others. People can post about whatever they like. including breaking NC. I broke it after 7 months hard core NC when i was healed and it enabled me to put the final nail in the coffin in that relationship. No emotional reaction whatsoever. And i could finally stop counting NC. Up to that point, and still now; i am probably one of the biggest advocates of pure NC until 1000 percent healed. In the OPs case i wouldnt recommend breaking NC again until she is completly recovered and it is obvious she isnt. Nice convesations or email are the worst when your still hurting. Cav 2
AnyaNova Posted September 29, 2013 Posted September 29, 2013 To some extent, I agree. I just think that people should definitely make sure they understand fully the posts that they are responding to, make sure that their response isn't so incredibly insensitive that it could really make the poster hurt more, and also, be aware and acknowledge when they are posting something that does go against the general belief structure of the group. At least to say something like, "I realize that this doesn't usually happen this way, but." Because there are many of us, me included, who really really really want to break NC with our exes. But who know that no response or a bad one could really set us back to day 1. And posts about how you shouldn't go NC, or about how wonderfully it went and maybe you should be open to breaking NC, etc. All of them do subtle damage, and have the potential to weaken our resolve to stay NC. Especially for those of us who know that our exes have (or at more accurately, had when we last saw them) some feelings for us and were having a great deal of difficulty letting us go. 1
Author Angry bird Posted September 29, 2013 Author Posted September 29, 2013 But, Anya, this has more to do with each individual's goals. This isn't a PAC. If you make your goal known and resolve in yourself what you want, then stick to it. I think Cav is right for saying to me to go back to no contact, because I still very much love my ex. I was so hurt and angry, but I still do not look at his social media. I still need to heal. I am not a success story. But, the reality is every situation is different. Every person is different. Just as there are different medications to heal different ailments. NC is not a cure all. There is a gray area.However, you have to be able to handle what may come if you break it. I hope you find it in yourself to stick to whatever you need to, to heal yourself. 1
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