alex007 Posted September 29, 2013 Posted September 29, 2013 Okay so I would like to ask for some help from you all. I started dating my then GF 4 months ago. I am loving and affectionate and she wasn't. Also she took me for granted and was not to appreciative about things. This was kind of a big problem in our relationship because everything was good but she always seemed kinda tomboyish and was more like a guy with her attitude and way about thinking. This made me feel kinda distant with her.. everything was good on all accounts in the relationship but she does not like to be loving in front of her family even because she thinks it looks weak. Well I broke up with her one time, then asked if she wanted to work things out and she said okay, then she broke up with me a month after that but we got back together. The first time when i broke up with her it was because i thought she was very unappreciative and took me for granted, the second she did because she felt like i was not working hard to get things like school and work done. Now that I just got a good job she was acting cold and distant like never before and wanted to hang out with her best friends (who she has known a total of a year or less....) I always told her I would be here for her through the good but especially the bad to make things work out on my end. Well she thought her being 20 and me being 28 that we had to much of an age gap and that I wanted kids sooner then her, I told her I could wait. She said she hasn't lived her life like I have already done. Well she hung out with her friend all day then when she came home that night called me and I was cool about everything and then she said she does not think we will work out and I just told her well I am not going to force you to love me. If you do not want to be with me then you don't have to be... so she broke up with me but told me later down the road maybe we can get back together and wanted to be friends even though she thought it would be weird to be friends. Well I went right into no contact with her and deleted her off my instagram and facebook because I don't believe if she cared about me she would break things off. She said before her being so busy with school and work was eating her alive and she has been feeling really weird because she was on birth control. Well her mom, dad, two sisters, aunt and uncle all took me off facebook out of nowhere today. I still had them on there because I care about all of them but yeah. I Have been NC for almost a week now in that time she texted me 3 times in the first few days saying "why did you delete me but not my fam off fb? lol" and "I thought we both agreed to be cordial to each other and I care about you a lot and want to still know what is going on in your life" "well i guess from the lack of replies that that was just one sided." In my opinion if she really did care about me then why break up with me in the first place instead of working things out? It makes no sense. So what do you all think? Because I am not truly over here because It has been less then a week. She is very hard headed, young and stubborn. Keep going NC or do something else... because for some weird reason I know she still cares about me I am her longest relationship and have been around her family a lot and she doesn't ever bring guys around like she did with me. So I don't see her being over me instantly. What should I do?
fonthoto Posted September 29, 2013 Posted September 29, 2013 First, consider if you really want her back. Is this the girl you want to spend the rest of your life with? Second, if you really want her back, the no contact rule is probably not going to work. There is no guarantee that she will contact you again - and if she does, you are still the same person she broke up with. Why should she want to get back together with you? Getting her back will require you to CHANGE. You need to fix yourself - not the situation. You can read my story about how I got back with my ex-girlfriend here: http://winyourloverback.com But as I said, you should really consider if it is worth getting her back. It will require some work on your part.
Author alex007 Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 Ok so me and my GF were together for 4 months... she has been stressed out working full time and going to school full time. She would always spend time with me on her downtime and it was effecting her being close with her family and sisters. She is 20 I am 28. She said she does not want a relationship right now that it is too much work and she has been feeling weird lately so she wanted to break up, I said we should probably work on our relationship not just break up but she said she does not want a relationship right now but maybe later down the road when we both get our lives sourted out then maybe we can. If she really loved me like she said and cried her self to sleep the first 3 nights wouldn't she be missing me and regretting it? She has only texted me to chat 2 times in the last week of the breakup. Its hard for me to know what is going on here because this does not make much sense. If she was in pain from breaking up with me why not come back? and knowing she could possibly lose me... I was extremely good to her but she never really appreciated it... If some girls can give me some advice or anyone, that would be great.
mammasita Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 She's young first of all. She straight up told you she doesn't want a relationship, I think you need to go ahead and believe that. 1
loversquarrel Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 Honestly, what do you expect dating a 20 y.o.? You're 28 and you are obviously wanting more than she's ready to give. Try dating someone a little older, maybe 23-25 range. You will in all probability be more likely to find someone who is ready for a true adult relationship. Respect her wishes, she respected you by letting you know how she felt straight up. 1
Author alex007 Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 She is young but she if very mature for her age. She did tell me though that she has hardly had any relationships due to the fact of her always being involved in school and that she is immature in that sense.
loversquarrel Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 Buddy....she hasn't had many relationships because she is only 20. She is the typical 20 y.o. woman, just finishing college and not quite old enough to start a career yet. Think about it....she can't even legally drink alcohol or go to bars yet. You should seriously think about this with some perspective.
Author alex007 Posted October 15, 2013 Author Posted October 15, 2013 Okay so I was very good to my girlfriend. I took her to concerts... one on her B-day. We would go out for sushi and other nice places about 3 times a week. I would give her a lot of love but she has never been too affectionate (its just how she is). We dated for 4 1/2 months and were with each other almost every single day, sometimes we wouldn't see each other for a day or rarely two. One night she said she was going to some country bar with her girlfriends I said that was a bad idea and she shouldn't be doing that If she takes me serious and that would cause problems in our relationship because people who are single go to those and I saw no point in it. I told her go ahead and just live her life and we should see other people, she told me no she didn't want to go anymore because I was more important to her. We would have normal little fights nothing big, we would never yell at each other, just worked things out. She is 20 and I am 28. She was getting kinda distant and cold with me the last month. I would always try to play around with her and she would act like I was dumb or didn't get it. One time we were holding hands and were with her family at D-land and she saw an Ex from high school talking to her parents when we walked up and tried to shake my hand off hers for some weird reason... and the guy was with his gf who was busted as all hell. She even said she took me for granted. I tried to give her everything I could and was always there for her and told her "I will be here for the good times but especially for the bad times" because i believed that the good times are easy to be there for someone but you really find out how much someone cares when they go through the bad. She started up accelerated school online again after a month and a half off.. this is when she started getting even colder. She seemed like she didn't want me around but would always invited me to everything going on in here and her family's life, which i found very weird. She told me it is not fair to me because she has almost no time for me, she works 35+ hours a week and is taking a few fast track classes online for nursing and said she wants to focus on getting her career going and maybe down the road we can get back together. Also said "its not you, you are a great guy and any girl would be lucky to have you, It is me and I do love you.. don't ever think that was not real. It really is me I need to figure out what I want." Also that she was growing distant with her sisters because the little time she had she would spend it with me and not her family and friends. And she has rarely kept in contact with me in the last 3 weeks of the break up.... She use to say I was the first person she has ever thought she could marry, and I am her most serious and longest relationship. But Ladys... why give up a great man who you say is perfect if it is possible he might get together with someone else? why not work on things and take things slow again? I don't understand. I asked her after 2 weeks of playing it cool and telling her if this is what she wants i wont bug her about it, That we should kiss and make up and she replied "I don't want to get back together, I don't want to date you or anyone, I enjoy that we are still friends but i don't want to make up and get back together". Ladys what is going through this girls head? I feel we had so much in common and that she has not had to many relationships so she does not know how good she had it.. I did a lot for her, maybe i was too boring because she got everything she wanted? and i was not a "challenge"?...
Ansem Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 She wants to enjoy her youth and explore other possibilities. Sorry, but I think it's time to move on. 2
todreaminblue Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 i think when you are young you dotn really know what you want....i believed that how i felt at 21 would be the same ...and it was .i believe in fidelity and committed relationships did then and do now..for the guy i was with it was not.......we were together for fifteen years i was his first long term relationship he was my second he thought he would be happy with me forever and he wasnt....he wanted to experience mor ethan what he knew he had...he wanted more and when he got more he knew he stuffed up......too late though to save what we had things happen people do change and people meet other people....when you havent had many relationships when you dont know that grass is not greener on the other side many go searching for that grass also when people who havent had much sexual experience they think they need to experience that before settling with a life long partner...when you have had sexual experience up to your ears, a lot of people realize how unfufilling sex can be without a loving commitment to someone you want to spend your life with ,not all people but some..........you are lucky it happened to you now...she is too young and has other priorities than you maybe she might come back, perhaps she mightn't what is important is that you move on and live for you......best wishes....deb
Author alex007 Posted October 15, 2013 Author Posted October 15, 2013 Thank you guys. Much appreciated. I gave her everything a girl could want. And I am about to land a good career and already have a new and nice car... I have pretty much everything going for me, but somehow she feels she can find something better and not many guys these days treat a girl like I do... I know this for a fact. Nice guys finish last sometimes.
todreaminblue Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 Thank you guys. Much appreciated. I gave her everything a girl could want. And I am about to land a good career and already have a new and nice car... I have pretty much everything going for me, but somehow she feels she can find something better and not many guys these days treat a girl like I do... I know this for a fact. Nice guys finish last sometimes. nice guys finish last because they have endurance to be the last guy in a womans life.....last is not a bad thing....it is the only thing that counts..its better than the premature ejectulatory guys....as far as a relationship goes...last and nice guys together in a sentence is apt......as in last relationship that ever counted for anything.....nice guy rock on...good luck...deb
Mariposa10 Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 You guys would hang out every single day?? That's too much.... She's busy, she must feel overwhelmed. Start focusing on moving on, she might change her mind, she might not. She's also really young. You're young too, if it's meant to be it'll happen in the future.
Fufu Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 I feel that she wants to focus on herself now and perhaps not being in a relationship. You are definitely not boring or not challenge enough, perhaps it's just not the right person at the right time. Move on.
Omei Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 Okay 20 and 28 is a huge huge jump in the age gap, maturity and wants. Its not like say be the same for a 50 and 58 year old. First off telling a 20 year old they cant go to a bar with her friends? Haa good luck! At any rate have some trust she was with her friends, then giving her the I think we should see other people if she go's and that guilt trips her into not being with her friends? As nice as you were to her sounds like you smothered her and FAST that prob added with other signs of neediness at 4 months in prob scared her away. 1
mammasita Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 I think you smothered her a bit. Yes, you are very giving but that doesn't always keep the girl.
Assasda Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 I think you tried to control her. As blunt as that sounds You're also insure, and that drove her away. Thats about it. Sorry to be so blunt 1
Criticality Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 Thank you guys. Much appreciated. I gave her everything a girl could want. And I am about to land a good career and already have a new and nice car... I have pretty much everything going for me, but somehow she feels she can find something better and not many guys these days treat a girl like I do... And what does that tell you right there? Besides the fact that she was too young for you, what does that tell you, that she apparently wanted something "better", not many guys treat girls like you do, and nice guy finish last? And of course you gotta let her go out with her friends if she wants to. Saying she can't go to bars only makes you seem insecure, boring and clingy. Sorry to be blunt. People always want what they can't have. Remember that, and apply in small, measured dosages. 1
Author alex007 Posted October 15, 2013 Author Posted October 15, 2013 I think you all are right. Thank you for all of your thoughts and advice.
Criticality Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 Best of luck! And yes, it will get better. Much better
Author alex007 Posted October 17, 2013 Author Posted October 17, 2013 Ok so some of you might have read my posts from a week or so ago.... gf broke up with me and I have gone no contact. I have thought how bad she treated me and was not appreciative and she is very stubborn so I thought we were done. She just texted me at work " Hey, if you are free in the near future we should grab lunch or something and catch up. I wanna know how work is and everything!" What do you guys think about all of this and whst do you think is the best course of action?
JDPT Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 She is clearly mentally unstable, delete and move along.
forgetmenot75 Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 Agree, she seem to have some kind of mental issue. As other poster said, delete and move on. 1
malin819 Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 change # and never respond You'll thank me later
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