polger Posted September 29, 2013 Posted September 29, 2013 (edited) She has cheated on me and is now with that person. Why do I care so much? I just want her to be out of my life already. I cut her off and she found a way to hurt me. Why would an ex contact you with the intention of hurting you? Edited September 29, 2013 by polger My thoughts are very messed up, needed to explain myself better
ScienceGal Posted September 29, 2013 Posted September 29, 2013 What did she do exactly? The "why" she contacted you isn't so important, unless you're hoping for reconciliation (I hope not, considering she cheated and is in a relationship). i would block her in every way possible.
lindsay1990 Posted September 29, 2013 Posted September 29, 2013 Maybe she is hoping your offense/resentment has died down somewhat in this time and she would like to make some sort of "amends" to ease her conscience. In my personal opinion, if you "forgive" them at some point (or forgive them enough, to a certain degree, the degree that allows you to be on friendly or cordial terms), they will less bad about hurting you by thinking "see? it couldn't be that bad/i couldn't have hurt him THAT bad if he's willing to be friends with me". These are my cynical 2 cents. 1
Author polger Posted September 30, 2013 Author Posted September 30, 2013 She contacted me to tell me she cheated. Then started talking about how great her new life is and how she is a different person now (She suffers from depression and has very low self-esteem). After she told me how great things were she sent me a picture of her and her new guy kissing. Then told me I was a great guy, and how she didn't know if things would work out in this new relationship. I was just so shocked, all I said was that I had been feeling a lot better since the break up. I have done nothing but respect her decision, our break up conversation was very short but I agreed it was time for us to part ways. I had been supporting her for over 2 years through all her problems and I became a shadow of my former self. I didn't like who I was when I was with her. I tried multiple times to work on our relationship and by the time we broke up I was ready for it. After we broke up, I kept our conversations short and civil, I needed to get money back from her that she owed me. I asked her for it and then replied thanks when she agreed to send it to me. We had spoken before about how we deal with break ups. I had told her that I tend to take about 6 months NC before I will consider talking to my ex, if i don't feel the need to then I don't. I am not considering reconciliation, a part of me wants it. I took care of her for the last 2 years, and still care about her deeply. I feel bad for her as she is never going to be happy with her life, she questions everything and makes bad decisions that she regrets. I have lost respect for her and don't feel the need to ever talk to her again, I have blocked her, but her family still keeps in contact with me as we got very close when dealing with her issues together.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 She contacted me to tell me she cheated. Then started talking about how great her new life is and how she is a different person now (She suffers from depression and has very low self-esteem). After she told me how great things were she sent me a picture of her and her new guy kissing. Then told me I was a great guy, and how she didn't know if things would work out in this new relationship. I was just so shocked, all I said was that I had been feeling a lot better since the break up. I have done nothing but respect her decision, our break up conversation was very short but I agreed it was time for us to part ways. I had been supporting her for over 2 years through all her problems and I became a shadow of my former self. I didn't like who I was when I was with her. I tried multiple times to work on our relationship and by the time we broke up I was ready for it. After we broke up, I kept our conversations short and civil, I needed to get money back from her that she owed me. I asked her for it and then replied thanks when she agreed to send it to me. We had spoken before about how we deal with break ups. I had told her that I tend to take about 6 months NC before I will consider talking to my ex, if i don't feel the need to then I don't. I am not considering reconciliation, a part of me wants it. I took care of her for the last 2 years, and still care about her deeply. I feel bad for her as she is never going to be happy with her life, she questions everything and makes bad decisions that she regrets. I have lost respect for her and don't feel the need to ever talk to her again, I have blocked her, but her family still keeps in contact with me as we got very close when dealing with her issues together. THAT sucks. Showing the picture of her too?!?! What a b***h move. After a year, my ex sent me an e-mail like two weeks ago saying how happy she was with the new guy and how I didnt do this, that and whatever. I was furious, then I realized that things are NOT as awesome and she says they are and this is a way to try and justify her decision. For you, this should make you laugh and realize that she isnt as awesome as she says it is.
Mariposa10 Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 Exes telling you guys how happy they are after months of being broken up/a year? That's so weird...
NoMoreJerks Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 (edited) My ex cheated on me, then broke up with me (a month after I found out and confronted him about it). This was about 3 months ago. Then he removed all forms of communication between us, without an explanation. A month later, he sent me a long, passive aggressive email justifying his behavior, etc., and being very in-your-face and told me he was gonna go to Thailand to have a threesome (he had cheated in Thailand). I was fuming when I got that email, so I blocked him immediately on email, as well as text mssging. He ended up texting me twice after that (the blocking failed). Didn't reply to any of the communications. He was just being an *sshole and trying to make himself feel better but even then couldn't bring himself to be nice. Edited September 30, 2013 by NoMoreJerks
ScienceGal Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 Not the mark of a healthy individual. The opposite of love is indifference. When I finally said goodbye to my ex, I wished him well and said that I hope he finds all he is looking for, and that I just want him to be happy. Inside, I was furious, and I wanted to yell and scream at him, blame him. Some parts of me still want to send him a nasty message, and I struggle with that anger. Point is, I won't do it, because he knows how I feel about the relationship and his role (pushing the dagger in deeper is useless), and I know I will reach indifference. And, I believe he deserves love. Side note, you can't fix anyone. Wouldn't it be grand if your love and acceptance could repair it all? I've played that game myself, and it only serves to burn me again and again. Her issues will consume you until there is nothing left, you've experienced the beginning of this by becoming a "shadow of yourself". Completely cut ties with her and her family, LET GO, or you will never have a chance at happiness.
Author polger Posted September 30, 2013 Author Posted September 30, 2013 The funny thing is she wants to stay in contact with me, I was in so much shock I didn't really say anything. I blocked her the next day though. I think you are right, it's pathetic that she feels the need to do this. Is it just me or do cheaters always feel the need to justify to the their ex that they made the right decision. Cheating is never acceptable, I know myself that I could never cheat and I've always despised people for people being so selfish. To be a cheater there is something morally wrong with you.
Mz_sassy_77 Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 Because she's a nasty person. It's funny how when you meet people have this mask on, you think they are great, and you really dont see the real them for a while. But eventually you do. This is the real her. How lucky you were to get rid of that one. What a bitch. Feel sorry for the next guy who meets her.
Author polger Posted September 30, 2013 Author Posted September 30, 2013 ScienceGal you are right. It's better to let go now, I know I have a lot to offer somebody who appreciates me for being me. I haven't been myself in a long long time, and if I can't be myself then I will never be happy. I've wasted too much time with her, why should I be miserable when she is out of my life? It's hard for me to forgive her, but I certainly feel sorry for her being the way she is.
Chi townD Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 Rule of thumb. If an Ex has to go out of their way to inform you that they're happy, usually means that they're not as happy as they want you to believe. If they were THAT happy, there wouldn't be a reason to contact you.
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