AnyaNova Posted September 29, 2013 Posted September 29, 2013 And just ask if he misses me at all. God I hate this. Either a) We never should have seen each other again after the breakup. or b) He should have held all his painful emotions at sending me away, IN, if he was going to insist on doing so. So that I didn't see them. So that I didn't experience the jedi-mind #*$& of seeing all these feelings he had for me, seeing that he was sending me away anyway, and feeling like somehow I abandoned him. Like somehow I failed to sufficiently comfort him. And now I'm left with the aftermath of something that I don't even know how to define, wondering how the heck he actually feels (felt?) about me? And all I want to know right now is if he misses me, like I miss him. I have been over everything in my head, combing to try and find the missing detail that would provide a coherent, logical explanation of everything, of his behavior and I can't. I just really wish I could hear his voice. I really wish that if he did have, or still has feelings for me, he could tell me. Even if for whatever reason he doesn't want to do anything about it, the not knowing is torture. 1
devilish innocent Posted September 29, 2013 Posted September 29, 2013 What good could come from asking him if he misses you? Any response you got would only make you feel worse. Be strong and stay away from the phone. 1
Author AnyaNova Posted September 29, 2013 Author Posted September 29, 2013 I am going to somehow stay strong and not contact him! But right now I really think it would at lead help to know. To have an answer. Why???????????????
Mr Scorpio Posted September 29, 2013 Posted September 29, 2013 So there are two potential answers. If he does miss you, then you are left with the question of why he left. The lack of resolution causes you pain. If he doesn't miss you, then you have unrequited love. The lack of reciprocation causes you pain. Either way, the answer does you no good. I'm sorry. 1
Author AnyaNova Posted September 29, 2013 Author Posted September 29, 2013 Why does my brain want to insist that knowing would help? I know all this. But it still just seems like somehow the rational part of my brain would be calmed by knowing exactly why he chose what he chose despite his feelings. Algebra time. You know ex and y.
Mr Scorpio Posted September 29, 2013 Posted September 29, 2013 Why does my brain want to insist that knowing would help? I know all this. But it still just seems like somehow the rational part of my brain would be calmed by knowing exactly why he chose what he chose despite his feelings. My guess is because the human mind desires to make order out of chaos. Unfortunately, you're dealing with emotions, which are not rational. 1
Author AnyaNova Posted September 29, 2013 Author Posted September 29, 2013 The storm has passed again and I haven't succumbed. I wish though, that I would get some breadcrumbs. :-( Why couldn't I just have gone NC and had a nice normal breakup where he leaves, looking all cold and distant and I assume he doesn't have feelings for me, which would have sucked, but made the door seem a lot more closed. I would have never had a chance to see the depth of his feeling for me and then I would be so much better and farther along. For here on out I will sing the praises of NC and always institute it two days after the breakup (stuff exchange and last phone call and then silence!). 2
mtnbiker3000 Posted September 29, 2013 Posted September 29, 2013 Why couldn't I just have gone NC and had a nice normal breakup where he leaves, looking all cold and distant and I assume he doesn't have feelings for me, which would have sucked, but made the door seem a lot more closed. I would have never had a chance to see the depth of his feeling for me and then I would be so much better and farther along. It ALWAYS seems like there should have/could have been a better way it went down. This is false. No matter what happens during and after a BU, it sucks. Just plain sucks and there isn't a 'better' way it could have happened.
JoelBarish Posted September 29, 2013 Posted September 29, 2013 The storm has passed again and I haven't succumbed. I wish though, that I would get some breadcrumbs. :-( Why couldn't I just have gone NC and had a nice normal breakup where he leaves, looking all cold and distant and I assume he doesn't have feelings for me, which would have sucked, but made the door seem a lot more closed. I would have never had a chance to see the depth of his feeling for me and then I would be so much better and farther along. For here on out I will sing the praises of NC and always institute it two days after the breakup (stuff exchange and last phone call and then silence!). Stay strong. Keep the bubble baths coming
Author AnyaNova Posted September 29, 2013 Author Posted September 29, 2013 I mean, whatever he felt on that last night, clearly he hasn't felt enough to want to get back in contact with me. Why can't I just let him go, let it go? Why can't I stop hurting? Why can't I stop loving him, when clearly, he doesn't love me or rven care enough to get in contact with me? Am I just a naive idiot?
Author AnyaNova Posted September 29, 2013 Author Posted September 29, 2013 I'm going to turn into a prune. But yes. Thank you everyone, again. Where are the people from that movie to erase your memory when you need it. Where are the brain cells necessary to make me truly want to forget. 1
chinacat sunflower Posted September 29, 2013 Posted September 29, 2013 You are not a naive idiot. It takes time. Sometimes it takes a long time. No worries. Be patient with yourself. And be strong
JoelBarish Posted September 29, 2013 Posted September 29, 2013 Yes I agree, time. Hard to believe but it's only been 3 weeks since my break up. I imagine by 3 months I will feel a lot better. You seem like a really thoughtful and loving person. I think you are going through withdrawal without someone to love. It's hard but you are going to have start all over again looking for someone to love, when you are ready that is.
Ben00 Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 AnyaNova, how are you doing today? I am feeling the same way you are. But it's true, if you communicate, even just a little, you will destroy any recovery progress you have made. Today marks 3 weeks from my breakup and I foolishly exchanged a few "how are you" texts with my ex over the weekend. It left me feeling so hurt and empty. I wish I never texted her. I am back to square one. Going forward, whenever I have the urge to text her, I will always remember these words: "If she want's to talk, she'll contact me. Why should I want to talk to her if she doesn't want anything to do with me?" Thinking that way helps. I hate that our hearts hold on to people that don't want us, but it's perfectly normal to feel this. Don't fight the sadness, let it flow through you. Each new day you will start to see things that make you happy, and soon the happy thoughts will overcome the sad ones. Keep your chin up, we're all in this together.
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