xname Posted September 28, 2013 Posted September 28, 2013 I've known this guy for several years and we've only ever been friends despite the fact that he's always liked me as something more. It was always an on/off again friendship. He's somewhat shy with me. Over a year ago I pretty much ended things when he kept blowing me off out of nowhere. I later found out that he'd gotten back with his ex. I was visiting my hometown a couple of months ago and saw him at work. He came over, said hi and that was it. We've always lost contact and then he'll end up finding a way to contact me. I'm thinking about getting in touch with him. It's a weird situation because we were only friends and now he's dating some new chick. They've been together less than a month. Anyway, I'm wondering if I should even bother trying to reconnect with him?
KatZee Posted September 28, 2013 Posted September 28, 2013 What exactly is your point of reconnecting? It seems like he used to like you, you never reciprocated so the "friendship" waned. I quote "friendship" because this guy doesn't seem to have ever had any intention of being your friend. It's obvious because he just drifts out of your life when he finds someone else to date, and when he's single he tries to get your attention again. He's dating someone so why are you going to interfere? Do you somehow like him now? If so, it's too little too late. You've had ample chances. 1
Author xname Posted September 29, 2013 Author Posted September 29, 2013 No, I don't like him. Just miss the friendship. I knew he liked me because I was told by someone when we were very young. I know he cared about me as more than a friend but he never actually made a move. If I hadn't been told then I would've never known. He wasn't always drifting in & out because he was dating someone new. Sometimes we just fell out of touch. I don't want to interfere because I don't actually want to date him. Can I not "interfere" without being more than a friend? Thanks for the reply!
KatZee Posted September 29, 2013 Posted September 29, 2013 It seems falling out of touch is a consistent thing. I'd say it's because he never genuinely wanted to be a friend. It was never a real friendship. Maye from your end, but not his. You're not interested in him, he's dating someone else. Don't reach out to him.
Author xname Posted September 29, 2013 Author Posted September 29, 2013 Thanks, KatZee. I'm curious. Is it impossible to just be friends with someone who once had feelings for you (assuming they've moved on)? Unrequited love? I'm still friends with someone I used to be in love with (the feeling was mutual). We've both moved on (he's engaged) and that flame will NEVER be rekindled (at least not on my side).
KatZee Posted September 29, 2013 Posted September 29, 2013 No it's not impossible. If you've both moved on then there's no issue. I'm friends with a few ex's and they've both moved on, they're both practically married. I think if one person is secretly harboring feelings though, a strictly platonic friendship is impossible.
Author xname Posted September 29, 2013 Author Posted September 29, 2013 @KatZee I wish I had someone in my personal life who could give great relationship advice.
Polak Posted September 29, 2013 Posted September 29, 2013 So are you thinking of reconnecting with him because you want to be nice, or something else? Considering he finds new girls every so often, the fact that you still think about him at all makes me believe you haven't actually completely moved on, even though you never mentioned you had feelings for him. However, from the limited info you gave, it looks like he has moved on...
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