Ladies rate my dating profile text

[madeintheus67]

This is what I have for my online profile on 2 websites, need unbiased opinions.

 

"Online dating has been an interesting experience to say the least. It really is more difficult than I expected, and probably more difficult than it should be. Although I have very few deal-breakers, I have discovered some things during the adventure. I would probably be more compatible with someone who was married before, has or had children. Also, command of the English language earns bonus points lol.

 

I'm looking for an intelligent, classy woman. You must have a great sense of humor and laid back personality. Can't stress that enough. I am looking for a long term relationship, possibly more if goes that way. I have a 10 year old daughter half the time so kids are welcome. I love animals. (some of them medium rare) : ) Not the "average guy", not loud or obnoxious, I don't go out with the boys every weekend, don't party or drink to excess, I don't really care about sports. I enjoy spending time with my girlfriend and I enjoy my alone time too. I work in open heart surgery which can be intense sometimes (Ok, most of the time lol) so I really appreciate my downtime.

 

Originally from New Jersey, no accent but retained that Jersey edge. Been in Florida since 1988. I’m an easy going person with a good sense of humor, guaranteed to make you laugh. I'm looking for a woman with similar interests. I'm all about having fun, laughing and having a good time no matter where I am or who I'm with. I live a pretty peaceful life and want to share that with the right person.

 

Things I like: being a father, coffee, politics, book stores, skiing, comedy clubs, movies, amusement parks, shooting, snorkeling, minigolf, water parks, trips to Orlando, dining out, Netfix nights, weekend trips, stormy weather, reading newspaper, snuggling, holding hands, kissing, a warm smile, making you laugh. I'm up for anything fun. It's really more about the company than the activity.

 

Music: Classic rock, alternative rock, 80's hairbands lol

 

Food: Not a foodie but like a good steak, good slice of pizza, Italian, Japanese Hibachi.

 

I would say my best feature would be my wit/sense of humor which runs from dry to silly to sarcastic.

 

So if you are looking for a normal guy, who is responsible and trustworthy, with a job, sense of humor, morals and zest for life, bring it baby......

 

As a social experiment, if you actually read my entire profile and we go out, I will give you $20 if you ask. Let's see who actually reads these....lol Did I mention you need to have a sense of humor?"

[Mascara]

Reword this bit " I enjoy spending time with my girlfriend", sounds like you already have one...and remove the last bit, verges on lighthearted bitter.

 

And take off the photo of your daughter, even if her face is blocked out. I really hate seeing that on profiles.

 

Above is personal views only

[nescafe1982]

I stopped reading after the first paragraph opened with what sounded like complaining.

 

Just being honest. Lead with something positive.

[madeintheus67]

Love appetizer idea. lol Overall I feel my profile is well written. I wanted to post pictures here but don't think I can. Can always give you my profile name to look.

[Mascara]

Where did you get this part about the picture of his daughter?

 

Google the text

[PlumPrincess]

Online dating has been an interesting experience to say the least. It really is more difficult than I expected, and probably more difficult than it should be. Although I have very few deal-breakers, I have discovered some things during the adventure. I would probably be more compatible with someone who was married before, has or had children. Also, command of the English language earns bonus points lol.

Too much disclosure. I would delete the whole paragraph.

 

I'm looking for an intelligent, classy woman. You must have a great sense of humor and laid back personality. Can't stress that enough. I am looking for a long term relationship, possibly more if goes that way. I have a 10 year old daughter half the time so kids are welcome. I love animals. (some of them medium rare) : ) Not the "average guy", not loud or obnoxious, I don't go out with the boys every weekend, don't party or drink to excess, I don't really care about sports. I enjoy spending time with my girlfriend and I enjoy my alone time too. I work in open heart surgery which can be intense sometimes (Ok, most of the time lol) so I really appreciate my downtime.

I don't like the term "classy". It always makes me wonder where people hang that they meet so many people who have no class that they find it necessary to mention it in their profile. Most of the time it makes me think that these people have very low self-esteem and try to hide that by be being extra-classy.

 

And I would delete "can't stress that enough" when looking for a laid-back woman. That doesn't make you sound very laid-back.

 

I strongly dislike this: "I love animals. (some of them medium rare) : )"

 

"not the average guy": I'm not sure why you would make so many assumptions about the average guy. I would say most people are average and most people are decent people. And guys who have a 10 year old daughter should usually be past drinking buddies and being party animals anyway.

 

"I don't really care about sports": Does that mean you don't like watching sports or that you don't care how you look?

 

My suggestion:

I'm looking for an intelligent and laid-back woman with a great sense of humor for a long term relationship, possibly more if goes that way. I have a 10 year old daughter half the time so kids are welcome. I love animals. I enjoy spending time with my girlfriend and I enjoy my alone time too. I work in open heart surgery which can be intense sometimes (Ok, most of the time lol) so I really appreciate my downtime.

 

Originally from New Jersey, no accent but retained that Jersey edge. Been in Florida since 1988. I’m an easy going person with a good sense of humor, guaranteed to make you laugh. I'm looking for a woman with similar interests. I'm all about having fun, laughing and having a good time no matter where I am or who I'm with. I live a pretty peaceful life and want to share that with the right person.

 

Things I like: being a father, coffee, politics, book stores, skiing, comedy clubs, movies, amusement parks, shooting, snorkeling, minigolf, water parks, trips to Orlando, dining out, Netfix nights, weekend trips, stormy weather, reading newspaper, snuggling, holding hands, kissing, a warm smile, making you laugh. I'm up for anything fun. It's really more about the company than the activity.

 

Music: Classic rock, alternative rock, 80's hairbands lol

 

Food: Not a foodie but like a good steak, good slice of pizza, Italian, Japanese Hibachi.

 

I would say my best feature would be my wit/sense of humor which runs from dry to silly to sarcastic.

 

So if you are looking for a normal guy, who is responsible and trustworthy, with a job, sense of humor, morals and zest for life, bring it baby......

Sounds good.

 

As a social experiment, if you actually read my entire profile and we go out, I will give you $20 if you ask. Let's see who actually reads these....lol Did I mention you need to have a sense of humor?"

This is not particulary funny. It's pretty awkward humor. You do not make jokes about money with people you don't know well and who you want to date.

Edited September 28, 2013 by PlumPrincess

[madeintheus67]

All good ideas. Implementing changes as this thread progresses. I know there is way more emphasis on photo's so f anyone can see them, please critique.

 

Thanks ladies........

[miss_jaclynrae]

Take down the pics of the ballerina.

The ones of the feet too, it is a couples shoot.

[PlumPrincess]

What pictures are you guys talking about??

[madeintheus67]

I think if you google my initial text it shows my profile.....

[KatZee]

Honestly, I stopped taking this seriously after I Google'd your text and found it on POF. (I'm only half kidding here.)

 

You're looking for a serious relationship and you're on Plenty of Fish? You are aware that the point of POF is to score as much action as possible with as many people as you can?

 

If you want to be taken seriously get on something a bit more serious. I'd say OKCupid. It's also free.

 

I think it's also way too wordy. My eyes kind of glazed over as you ramble on and on. I get that you want people to know who you are but I think there needs to be something left to the imagination.

 

I also think your headline is kind of corny. It made me roll my eyes. "Not like the rest." Usually the one's who have to point out the fact that they "aren't" like the rest, turn out to be just like the rest, and THEN some.

 

I checked the profile again and you seemed to have trimmed a lot off the "About Me" section so that is good.

But I would remove this: (Since they are already listed in your "Interests" list and the following paragraph is just redundant.)

 

"Things I like: being a father, coffee, politics, book stores, skiing, comedy clubs, movies, amusement parks, shooting, snorkeling, minigolf, water parks, trips to Orlando, dining out, Netfix nights, weekend trips, stormy weather, reading newspaper, snuggling, holding hands, kissing, a warm smile, making you laugh. I'm up for anything fun. It's really more about the company than the activity."

[MalachiX]

I'm a guy (so I'm not gonna be very helpful) but i do want to say I'm happy that you didn't say you were "living life to it's fullest." I get so tired of reading that on every freaking profile. There has to be a more unique way for people to talk about themselves.

 

Not to mention that if you're really living life to it's fullest, you're probably too busy building a homeless shelter or swimming with dolphins to have time to catch a movie.

[Lokie]

I agree with most of what Plum said. I'd stop calling women ladies or lady and don't use the word classy. I don't think you mentioned being in the military in your ad, but I would suspect that could get some women hot - not this California liberal pacifist - but the rest of the female population, even though the photos say it for you.

 

Good luck. :-)

[FitChick]

I'm happy that you didn't say you were "living life to it's fullest." I get so tired of reading that on every freaking profile.

Me, too. If they want to impress you they might say, "Carpe Diem." Those are the ones who are the most boring. What they mean is, "I'm not dead yet."

Edited September 29, 2013 by FitChick

[princess_peach]

In general, keep it short and sweet. My specific comments are below in bold.

 

This is what I have for my online profile on 2 websites, need unbiased opinions.

 

"Online dating has been an interesting experience to say the least. It really is more difficult than I expected, and probably more difficult than it should be. Although I have very few deal-breakers, I have discovered some things during the adventure. I would probably be more compatible with someone who was married before, has or had children. Also, command of the English language earns bonus points lol.

 

Delete. Giving your opinion of online dating accomplishes nothing at best, and is a turn off at worst.

 

I love animals. (some of them medium rare) : )

 

This is okay ONLY if vegetarianism is one of your deal-breakers. Otherwise, delete.

 

Not the "average guy", not loud or obnoxious, I don't go out with the boys every weekend, don't party or drink to excess, I don't really care about sports.

 

Stop talking about what you're not and don't care about, and instead tell us what makes you unique. If you really aren't average, prove it.

 

I enjoy spending time with my girlfriend.

 

This statement implies that you already have one. Delete.

 

Originally from New Jersey, no accent but retained that Jersey edge. Been in Florida since 1988.

 

Unnecessary backstory. Delete; save it for the first date.

 

Things I like: being a father, coffee, politics, book stores, skiing, comedy clubs, movies, amusement parks, shooting, snorkeling, minigolf, water parks, trips to Orlando, dining out, Netfix nights, weekend trips, stormy weather, reading newspaper, snuggling, holding hands, kissing, a warm smile, making you laugh. I'm up for anything fun. It's really more about the company than the activity.

 

Music: Classic rock, alternative rock, 80's hairbands lol

 

Food: Not a foodie but like a good steak, good slice of pizza, Italian, Japanese Hibachi.

 

This is all redundant unless your profile doesn't have a dedicated interests section.

 

So if you are looking for a normal guy, who is responsible and trustworthy, with a job, sense of humor, morals and zest for life, bring it baby......

 

Don't call anyone baby unless you're a songwriter or you know the color of their underwear. Don't say that you're responsible and trustworthy, let your dates decide that for themselves (only an idiot would take your word for it).

 

As a social experiment, if you actually read my entire profile and we go out, I will give you $20 if you ask. Let's see who actually reads these....lol Did I mention you need to have a sense of humor?"

 

Delete. Just delete.

[SarcasticAbby]

Google the text

 

You're so smart why didn't I think of that?

 

Sounds like a good profile to me...

[pteromom]

I disagree with some of the other responses. I LOLd at "some of them medium-rare" (and I am a vegetarian). I liked the "Jersey edge" comment - it gives an idea of who you are.

 

And I like that it is "wordy" as well. I can't stand a profile that doesn't give you an idea of who someone is.

 

I would delete the opening paragraph about your online dating experience because it sounds negative, and I would delete the $20 comment (sounds hookerish!) but otherwise, I like it.

 

And I disagree about pics being most important. Obviously it's important to be attracted to someone, but a good looking guy with a boring or arrogant profile is quickly NEXTed. Profile is the most important part for me.

[Janesays]

I'd ax the first paragraph completely (sounds whiny) and get rid of every time you said 'lol.'

 

You don't ask for an 'intelligent' woman while simultaneously using teenager netspeak.

 

The rest is fine as is.

[crederer]

I stopped reading after the first paragraph opened with what sounded like complaining.

 

Just being honest. Lead with something positive.

 

I agree. The first paragraph sounds kind of whiny.

 

If you work in open heart surgery, just say that. I'm sure the ladies will come flocking lol