chris58 Posted November 28, 2004 Posted November 28, 2004 Hi, I seem to have a problem of thinking that girls are attracted to me when they are actually just trying to be friends with me. A couple of times I've started to really like a girl I was becoming friends with, and wrongly starting thinking they liked me too, which (no need to fill in the gaps) leads to some very awkward rejections. They didn't have a clue that I felt that way about them. I don't have many female friends, so I guess I'm not used to being close to girls at all really, and I've never had a girlfriend or dated or anything ... so this makes it all a bit hard to understand how girls are acting with me because I've got nothing to compare with, if you know what I mean. How can I stop reading too much into "normal friendliness" from girls? Anyone been in a similar situation? (For the record, I'm 23.) Thanks very much for any comments. BTW, I started writing about this on another thread before, but I was rambling a bit (it's long) and don't think I really had a clear idea what I was asking, so it didn't get many replies, but here it is if anyone wants more info: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t51623/
Tony Posted November 28, 2004 Senior Moderators Posted November 28, 2004 If you state your intentions early on, you won't have to worry about how you read these ladies. Let them know after the first few encounters that you are interested in dating them, in getting to know them better. You don't have to overstate this but say enough to make it abundantly clear that you are not around just to be their buddy. You've probably passed up many women who would have been overjoyed to have had a romance with you because YOU did the same thing you are upset about them doing...not making your intentions clear. If you don't want to be just a friend, don't act like just a friend. After a date or to, go for a kiss. Use your intuition as to the right time. If you get rejected then, well, that's OK. You won't hit a home run every time. But you can't get a home run unless you make it clear to the league that you're not up to bat just for exercise.
Author chris58 Posted December 1, 2004 Author Posted December 1, 2004 Thanks Tony ... Originally posted by Tony After a date or to, go for a kiss. But the thing is, I'm not talking about girls I'm "dating" (hell I've never been within miles of going on a date I don't think), it's just girls I meet as friends of friends, or in class, or something like that. Besides, if I'd been on a "date or two" with a girl, wouldn't it be clear (to all concerned) that we were both interested in being more than "just friends"? No? I never really spend time one-on-one with a girl at all, "date" or "just friends" or whatever ... I'm not sure I'm on the right wavelength here. :-( Please, any comments/reactions would be hugely appreciated. I really need to hear from someone about this. Please. As mentioned above, more info here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t51623/
Author chris58 Posted December 12, 2004 Author Posted December 12, 2004 Hmm nothing for a while ... I'll just use this as a space to write out some of my own thoughts and see if anyone has any comments then. I'm starting to wonder if maybe the reason I keep "falling for" female friends is that I don't meet many girls, definitely don't go out deliberately looking for a girlfriend, and it's human nature to fall for someone every now and then, so my friends are sort of the only option. (At the end of the day we're all "programmed" to find a partner right?) I haven't really met any new people for two or three years now, and I'm basically happy with the social circle I have, but if I must fall for someone it's going to be a friend. Do you think we're bound to fall for someone every now and then, even if we're not meeting anyone new (this is what I'm starting to suspect), or do we just fall for someone when we meet the right people, be that frequently, rarely or never?
Merin Posted December 12, 2004 Posted December 12, 2004 Chris, you seem like an intelligent, reasonable individual.. I think the problem here is when you have an interest in a girl, you don't approach and make it clear from the start what your intentions are. While I can understand that people do fall for friends they've known for some time.. IF you are reading her body language and signs there won't be the mistake of thinking she is romantically interested in you only to discover later on, it wasn't the case. To start with Chris.. think about what kind of things YOU do when YOU have an interest in a girl romantically.. this will help you out a lot when reading other people more accurately. Watch for the signs of romantic interest.. 1) She meets your gaze often and smiles 2) She touches you when there really isn't a "need" to This could be on your arm, back, shoulder, hand.. and she seems to do it often 3) She mirrors your body language.. faces you directly with her body aligned with yours 4) She may touch or "play" with her hair often (grooming primping to appear attractive to you) 5) She asks questions and has a genuine interest in knowing you 6) Look at her eyes.. does she look directly at you.. are her pupils enlarged 7) Her cheeks may appear flushed 8) She doesn't ask your opinion on other guys.. or want your opinion on her last break up and what you feel went wrong Bottom line here Chris.. IF and when you have a romantic interest in a girl.. watch for the signs of her returned interest and when you see them.. act accordingly in making it clear to her you have a romantic interest, not just a friendly one. Good Luck
Recommended Posts