My husband is too good for me.

[ThreeL]

Hello all.

 

Really need your help and thanks in advance.

 

 

I'm 28, I’ve been married for 2 years and have no kids. Do you know these romance movies where the protagonist is good, smart, makes you laugh and he doesn't look at other women because he trully loves you? Well, my hubby is all that and more.

 

But here is the problem.

 

I'm average. I mean i have an average face and body, also i'm not interesting person. And I'm so afraid, so afraid that he will begin to realize soon or later that i'm nothing more than an ordinary woman and wife.

 

He is as a King, i'm a 'Ugly Betty'. Besides many women want him for themselves. I just cannot fight these beautiful, smart, interesting women out there. And i don't want to lose my hubby because he is my whole world.

 

I even started to ask him two months ago why he does love me. Me and not someone else? He answered me - 'because it's you and cannot explain it'.

 

Probably what i just wrote sounds stupid but i need your thoughts and help guys - Could I keep my husband without being beautiful woman? Is love enough?

 

Because love is all i have and i can give him. Cannot give him beauty or smart conversations. I'm so afraid I'm going to lose him.

[TigerCub]

You obviously give him something that he hasn't found anywhere else.

 

Looks fade, people get old - it happens, and whatever you are giving him on an emotional and mental level seems to be all he needs to choose you.

 

If you keep letting your doubts and low self esteem eat away at you, it will show and it will become a pain for him to constantly have to reassure you and build you up.

 

Keep treating him and loving him like you always have done and trust in his love for you.

 

I've known guys that are the better looking of the couple (their gfs or wives aren't super hot) but they are in love and they are happy together.

 

Work on your own self esteem and don't find problems where there aren't.

 

He loves you, he chose you, trust in that.

[Zapbasket]

All I know is that I have had two partners say to me during the relationship, "Maybe I'm not good enough for you," and I can say with confidence that that insecurity contributed to the demise of the relationships.

 

When someone says they love you, don't question why.

 

Your husband CHOSE you, when as you say he could have chosen from a glut of intelligent, interesting, beautiful women. He picked you, and continues to pick you every day. That says it all.

 

No one picks someone to date or to marry with the thought, "They're not good enough for me but I'll date them anyway." They find the person interesting and desirable just as they are.

 

Take care not to let your own insecurities about yourself undermine your trust in your husband and faith in your relationship. Better to feed yourself with thoughts that your husband loves you, therefore you must be pretty awesome.

[Silly_Girl]

I'm not good enough for my husband, I reckon, but I'm darned if I'm going to give him the chance to think that too! He says I'm awesome and the best wife in the world so let's go with that!!

 

Have you spoken to a counsellor about this? I think, based on my own experience (I nearly broke up with my now-husband through insecurity), it would be extremely useful. She helped me see what I brought to the table, to see me through his eyes. It made a huge difference. I think you need to learn a new perspective

[Eivuwan]

Is being average so bad? Most people are average. What is important is that he loves you for who you are. I think you should think about why you are so down on yourself.

[Clockwork]

I think my wife is prettier than I am handsome. I have what I am told is a "cuddly" look to me. I'm a big guy, like a football player, I make her feel safe and sound but unless I am provoked I am a teddy bear. Girls like this kind of stuff. Put it this way, girls make the poor decisions with the guys who treat them like doormats. They do this in high school, college and even after for a bit. Eventually they come around to us good guys, the "teddy bears."

 

My wife did some of that as well. Made some poor decisions with a couple of guys that were jerks and then fell in love with someone who treated her right.

 

The same goes for guys. We like to hit the home run with the bi*ch and despite being told by everyone that she is controlling, has us whipped and is just downright rude to people we still stay with her because she's good in bed, or hot. Eventually we get sick of these girls and go after the "girl next door" that has been there the whole time.

 

Bottom line is this, he married you. That's a big step, the BIGGEST step. If he were just living with you for 10 years and not wanting to marry you then I can see the aprehension, but he made a statement to marry you in front of everyone. Believe it or not, us guys think about that stuff, so it wasn't a light decision. That being said, there are probably things he loves about you that only you can do. Maybe certain facial expressions, your personality, your laugh, a certain twitch you do, who knows. But just accept that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

 

And don't drive him away. Insecurity is not exactly a sexy quality.

[ThreeL]

Your fear and ONLY your fear will drive him away faster than anything else.

 

You are right.

Recently i can't control my fear of losing him, i'm weak and i don't like myself the way i am now.

 

Don't let your fear rule your life. Be yourself because YOU are the woman he loves. YOU are good enough for him.

 

Thank you beenkilled. I'm trying and it's hard, but i will work on myself to remove my insecurity and these awful fears i have on my mind.

 

 

If you keep letting your doubts and low self esteem eat away at you, it will show and it will become a pain for him to constantly have to reassure you and build you up.

 

 

Right now i'm just that way TigerCub, i let my fears, doubts and low self-esteem to eat me up and my husband sees it and it hurts him.

 

During these two months (August and this month) he started saying to me - 'I love you L.' at least a few times a day and he is very careful with me as if i'm a fragile vase. I feel more and more guilty for making him acting like that.

 

Thanks for your help and time TigerCub, as if you read my mind, i agree with each word of yours.

 

Take care not to let your own insecurities about yourself undermine your trust in your husband and faith in your relationship. Better to feed yourself with thoughts that your husband loves you, therefore you must be pretty awesome.

 

GreenCove, i really appreciate your opinion and thank you very much.

I want to be a positive person and don't let my insecurities and fears to ruin my marriage or hurt my husband. Only that it's hard. But i'll do my best.

 

I'm sorry for your two partners, i'm in their shoes right now and i know that we hurt our husbands(boyfriends) because we are weak and low self-esteem people at this moment of our lives.

 

Have you spoken to a counsellor about this?

 

I haven't spoken to a counsellor yet, Silly_Girl. But i'll do everything to remove my fears and don't allow them to ruin my marriage. I'm glad you don't have this insecurity anymore, new perspectives are always useful.

 

 

Is being average so bad? Most people are average. What is important is that he loves you for who you are. I think you should think about why you are so down on yourself.

 

Is being average so bad? Honestly, i don't know Eivuwan.

I've always wanted to be someone special and when i fell in love with my hubby i wanted to give him good reasons to love me.

 

I don't know why i'm so down on myself, maybe i allowed some things affect me badly.

 

 

Eventually we get sick of these girls and go after the "girl next door" that has been there the whole time.

 

Clockwork, your wife must be a lucky woman with you being "teddy bear".

 

Your perspective about what you men think about the "girl next door" helps me a lot for understanding some things. That's me - i've been there the whole time for him without asking nothing in return except his presence.

 

My hubby works in big software company with many beautiful and smart women they have there. I know some of them and one of them almost always raise an eyebrow when see me with him. I don't care of course.

 

Two months ago the same woman sent him a message on his phone - 'i love you' and 'i miss you'. He said he has nothing to do with her and she is b**ch because she wants him to be intimate with her. Unfortunately this affected me and here i am. But i'm responsible for my fears, not someone else no matter how she acts around him.

 

Bottom line is this, he married you. That's a big step, the BIGGEST step.

 

I will remember this.

 

 

And don't drive him away. Insecurity is not exactly a sexy quality.

 

I agree. It is not.

 

 

 

Thank you very much for your time and help Clockwork!

 

And thank you all again, you are the best! :)

Edited September 29, 2013 by ThreeL

[TigerCub]

Sweetie, we all have insecurities, but we're not all lucky enough to have someone that loves us completely for who we are - and you are lucky to have him as he is lucky to have you.

 

Work on the things you don't like so much about yourself and try to improve what you can. I think everyone should be doing that.

 

Don't beat yourself up and make yourself feel even more guilty for being insecure, just remind yourself of all your great qualities and all the great blessings you have in your life and just work on the rest

 

***HUGS***

[Got it]

You need to learn on liking yourself better. I second IC to help you through that process but you need to learn to be your own best advocate. I am sure there are many wonderful things about yourself and I would bet, dollars to doughnuts, you are smarter and prettier than how you see yourself.

 

I have struggled with an eating disorder so I know that I see myself like one would looking through a funhouse mirror, and I know this is not how others see me. At some point you do have to just accept that maybe your summation is just wrong?

[Eivuwan]

You say that you want to be special. Why do you have to be special to be loved by a good guy? No one is special. Even if you were 1 in a million, there are 7000 people like you.

[ThreeL]

Work on the things you don't like so much about yourself and try to improve what you can. I think everyone should be doing that.

 

I'll work on the things i don't like about myself, thanks for your great advice TigerCub. And thank you so much for your time and effort on my problems, you help me a lot!

 

I'm glad i'm not alone with my insecurities and have you here on loveshack. God bless you!

 

 

You need to learn on liking yourself better. I second IC to help you through that process but you need to learn to be your own best advocate.

 

I like this - to be my best advocate. Never occurred to me before.

 

I'm sorry for the eating disorder Got it and i'm glad you're over it. Your analogy to the fun-house mirror is so familiar to me - i also see myself through a 'fun-house mirror' and then i think to myself others see me this way too.

 

I wish i were brave and smart to accept that my conclusions about myself are wrong. But i'm not able to do it right now. I only listen to your opinions on here guys and i'm so grateful for your help. I'll definitely do whatever you all say because this makes sense.

 

 

You say that you want to be special. Why do you have to be special to be loved by a good guy? No one is special. Even if you were 1 in a million, there are 7000 people like you.

 

I know i'm an ordinary woman and this bothers me a lot.

 

When i started falling in love with my hubby i realize that we both are on different levels.

He - very smart, good man with great sense of humour + other positive things.

I - average at everything.

 

Yes i wondered and i still wonder(stupid me i know) how is possible such man as him to love me if there are hypothetically 7000 people like me out there?

 

Then i wanted to be special because i was thinking - i want it badly, i mean to keep this man in my life but can't do it if i continue to be on lower level.

 

Why do you have to be special to be loved by a good guy?

 

Because my husband is special and he needs someone special too. At least i think so, i don't know if i'm right or not.

Edited September 30, 2013 by ThreeL

[ThreeL]

Last night my husband got more messages from the woman i mentioned earlier.

 

This time - nine 'i love you' messages. Nine! WOW!

 

We've been woken up because of the sound of his phone and we saw all the messages.

 

He told me this must stop, he will take care of it. Then he hugged me, kissed me and all, but this morning when i'm alone in our house i worry about the messages.

 

Why this woman bothers us in the middle of the night? Why is she so obsessed from my hubby? What does it mean?

 

I don't understand these 9 messages.

[TigerCub]

I hate to do this.

 

I know how fragile you are and I really hate to get you to feel worse, but the whole I love you texts from another woman obviously raise some flags.

 

You mentioned that she's texted him that message before and he just brushed it off and said that she just wants to be intimate with him- so why didn't he tell her to **** off and block her number then?

 

I think it is fishy that he didn't block her number and therefore there were the 9 messages last night.

 

I don't know if she is the other woman (because most OW don't get all crazy and text I love you 9 times a night). She seems like she could be an admirer that's a little nuts, but either way, I don't like the idea that he didn't put a stop to it and block her from the beginning. Also, why does she have his personal #?

 

I really am sorry and I really hate to make you feel worse, but I just don't want you to get hurt and I think this needs looking into a bit more.

 

When I gave you my replies in the beginning, I really just thought you were letting your insecurities get the best of you and I wanted to support you and reassure you (as best as I could as a stranger on the web ), but the mention of the messages from the other woman raise a flag.

 

I'm sorry. I do think that this is something you need to look into further.

[ThreeL]

I hate to do this.

 

I know how fragile you are and I really hate to get you to feel worse, but the whole I love you texts from another woman obviously raise some flags.

 

You mentioned that she's texted him that message before and he just brushed it off and said that she just wants to be intimate with him- so why didn't he tell her to **** off and block her number then?

 

I think it is fishy that he didn't block her number and therefore there were the 9 messages last night.

 

I don't know if she is the other woman (because most OW don't get all crazy and text I love you 9 times a night). She seems like she could be an admirer that's a little nuts, but either way, I don't like the idea that he didn't put a stop to it and block her from the beginning. Also, why does she have his personal #?

 

I really am sorry and I really hate to make you feel worse, but I just don't want you to get hurt and I think this needs looking into a bit more.

 

When I gave you my replies in the beginning, I really just thought you were letting your insecurities get the best of you and I wanted to support you and reassure you (as best as I could as a stranger on the web ), but the mention of the messages from the other woman raise a flag.

 

I'm sorry. I do think that this is something you need to look into further.

 

Ok, thanks TigerCub but i beliеve in my husband, there is nothing wrong with his behavior to me. All his actions, time, thoughts, emotions to me are the same, even stronger than the 1st day we moved in together. But anyway, thank you for your post, i really appreciate it.

 

As for this woman, i feel sorry for her. Have no idea why she got his phone number but it doesn't matter. I have to remove my fears and insecurities anyway because my husband loves me and he deserves my love too not these fears of mine.

[Got it]

(((((ThreeL))))))

 

I am sorry, I don't know what to say but I don't like the messages regardless of what your husband is saying or doing. I am not saying he is cheating but there is trouble in Denmark.

[TigerCub]

Ok, thanks TigerCub but i beliеve in my husband, there is nothing wrong with his behavior to me. All his actions, time, thoughts, emotions to me are the same, even stronger than the 1st day we moved in together. But anyway, thank you for your post, i really appreciate it.

 

As for this woman, i feel sorry for her. Have no idea why she got his phone number but it doesn't matter. I have to remove my fears and insecurities anyway because my husband loves me and he deserves my love too not these fears of mine.

 

So that means you wont ask him why she has his number and why he didn't block her or tell her to leave him alone?

 

Is it because you don't want more reason to have doubts?

 

I'm really not attacking you - this seems like something that really bugged you just yesterday and now you want to turn a blind eye.

 

I hope that I'm wrong.

 

I wish you the best, I truly mean that

[TigerCub]

OP,

 

You say that you don't know how she got his number and it doesn't matter. So I guess that means that you wont ask your husband why she has his number and why he hasn't blocked her or told her to leave him alone?

 

Are you afraid that by asking questions you will add to your doubt and insecurities?

 

This seemed to bother you a lot yesterday, but now it seems like you want to turn a blind eye.

 

I'm not attacking you and I hope that I'm wrong about all this.

 

I wish you the best

Edited October 1, 2013 by TigerCub
The first post didn't show up - so I reposted....Sorry (oopsie)

[Silly_Girl]

Now I don't know any clinically insane people right now, but that's the only explanation I can think of as to why someone would message a person (married or not) many times to say they love them when there is no history and no reciprocality to it.

 

It doesn't happen. I don't generally make sweeping statements, I am more of a 'grey, grey, greyer' type of a person but I think there is a hige problem here.

 

If my husband was getting messages like that and was innocent of any wrongdoing I'd be asking him to report them to the police!

[Eivuwan]

I know i'm an ordinary woman and this bothers me a lot.

 

When i started falling in love with my hubby i realize that we both are on different levels.

He - very smart, good man with great sense of humour + other positive things.

I - average at everything.

 

Yes i wondered and i still wonder(stupid me i know) how is possible such man as him to love me if there are hypothetically 7000 people like me out there?

 

Then i wanted to be special because i was thinking - i want it badly, i mean to keep this man in my life but can't do it if i continue to be on lower level.

 

 

 

Because my husband is special and he needs someone special too. At least i think so, i don't know if i'm right or not.

 

I think you completely missed my point. I am saying that no one is special. Even if your husband were one in a million, there are 7000 people like him out there. You are so invested in this idea of specialness. Where does that come from?

[TigerCub]

Ok. Honey this is HUGE red flag.

She wants you to know that there has been inappropriate behavior between them. A coworker texting I Love You to another is because they have crossed the "friend" line.

 

If he truly hasn't had an affair with her (Emotional or physical) then she should be fired for pulling that ****. I'm afraid he isn't telling you the truth about her and she is getting desperate for more of his attention. He has given her the idea that something could happen between them if it hasn't already.

 

I'm sorry.

 

Sadly, I agree that something fishy seems to be up.

[ThreeL]

(((((ThreeL))))))

 

I am sorry, I don't know what to say but I don't like the messages regardless of what your husband is saying or doing. I am not saying he is cheating but there is trouble in Denmark.

 

I don't like the messages either but can't just tell this woman - hey, stop right now because i'm the wife and you are just nobody. That's her call to send or not messages, i don't want and can't control her, she is not a kid.

 

 

So that means you wont ask him why she has his number and why he didn't block her or tell her to leave him alone?

 

Is it because you don't want more reason to have doubts?

 

I'm really not attacking you - this seems like something that really bugged you just yesterday and now you want to turn a blind eye.

 

Many people including other female coworkers in his company have his phone number. I haven't asked him if he already blocked her number but he already called her on his phone speaker in front of me.

 

I never asked him to do that because as i said i love him and trust him, faith is just a little part of love, and besides my husband never gave me a reason to not trust him.

 

He asked her on the speaker why did she send him these messages, he is married as she probably knows and he never gave her any signs of attention beyond their work. The only thing she said was - 'omg, omg, what about the flowers you sent me two weeks ago?' and then she turned off her phone.

 

My husband got angry and told me - he will report her to her boss for her lies, save their conversation for me, and see what happens. He also said she pursues him since about four months or so but he doesn't need to pay any attention to her behavior then.

 

I have my fears and insecurities mostly because i consider myself for an ordinary person and have low self-esteem. Yes, i compare myself with other women (with these smart, interesting and beautiful women actually) but some people on here told me that i have to believe in myself and that my husband already married me, so why bother with these fears anymore?

 

Clockwork on here said: "Bottom line is this, he married you. That's a big step, the BIGGEST step."

 

Yes, he married me.

It's time for me to lose my fears why he loves me but not someone else.

 

Yes, this woman worry me and she is one more reason to have fears, but this doesn't mean that i have doubts in my husband. I know he has nothing to do with her except their work because he never gave me a reason to have doubts in he himself and our marriage.

 

 

OP,

 

You say that you don't know how she got his number and it doesn't matter. So I guess that means that you wont ask your husband why she has his number and why he hasn't blocked her or told her to leave him alone?

 

Are you afraid that by asking questions you will add to your doubt and insecurities?

 

This seemed to bother you a lot yesterday, but now it seems like you want to turn a blind eye.

 

I'm not attacking you and I hope that I'm wrong about all this.

 

TigerCub, it's my husband business what numbers he has on his cell phone. I just don't want and can't control him, that's not me, he is free having whatever contacts on his phone he wants to.

 

I'm not afraid asking questions. Just this is my understanding for love, my husband must have freedom. The only freedom he shouldn't have is to be with someone else intimately but this is obvious because we're married.

 

Yes definitely these messages and my questions why this woman acts this way add more insecurities in my mind but i trust my husband.

 

No, you are not attacking me, i've never thought you did. I really appreciate your opinion. Thank you very very much for your support and time!

 

And have a great day

 

 

Now I don't know any clinically insane people right now, but that's the only explanation I can think of as to why someone would message a person (married or not) many times to say they love them when there is no history and no reciprocality to it.

 

 

Silly_Girl, i thought the same. This must be some crazy woman maybe? I don't know for sure. I don't want to put labels on people before knowing more about them.

 

My husband will report her today. I'll write you guys what happened as soon as possible.

 

 

 

I think you completely missed my point. I am saying that no one is special. Even if your husband were one in a million, there are 7000 people like him out there. You are so invested in this idea of specialness. Where does that come from?

 

I'm sorry Eivuwan, i didn't mean to miss your point.

 

Where does that come from? I guess deep inside of me i've never wanted to be ordinary and sometimes it's not easy to live with myself because of this persistent wish to be another, much better version of myself. Since i married this wish is bigger. I want to reach my husband who is let's say on level 9 out of 10, and i'm on level 5 out of 10.

 

And yes, we people are similar and you are right - probably there are 7000 people like my husband out there. But to me he is the One and that's why he always will be number 1 of these 7000 people.

 

When i fall in love with him, i took a decision - he will be the One, no matter how he looks, acts, thinks from now on and how similar he is to other men.

 

You met someone, get to know him(her), fell in love with him because of him, married him because you realize that he is the One from these 7000 people and you don't care that there are men as him out there, because you already love him.

 

I'm sorry if i'm confused, i'm a little clumsy with words.

 

I know what you are probably thinking, that say in 50 years i'll not be blind anymore and see how not special my husband is. Well, we'll see

Please, let's meet in 50 years here on Loveshack to talk again.

 

 

She wants you to know that there has been inappropriate behavior between them. A coworker texting I Love You to another is because they have crossed the "friend" line.

 

beenkilled, she definitely wants something, i have no idea what it is, and honestly i don't care about her wishes.

 

I don't think that my husband and she are even friends. I know all our friends. We're going out, they visit us in our house or contrariwise, and my husband and i have single friends(one woman and two men) and she is not amongst them.

 

I feel sorry for her, yes precisely because of this reason - that she could easily be fired because of her behavior.

 

Yes, I think she is desperate for his attention but not because they had an affair. I already said it - all his actions, thoughts, emotions, time are the same to me, even stronger and bigger than the 1st day we moved in together in our house. I don't see much point to believe they had an affair, because my husband is in love with me.

[TigerCub]

Thanks for taking the time to answer things ThreeL.

 

I was one person that told you from the beginning that your husband chose you, trust in his love and don't let your insecurities make you feel unworthy of love.

 

However, later on you mention this woman. The whole story with the woman seems fishy.

It's cool that he called the woman in front of you, but what she said isn't really that comforting.

 

So either he sent her flowers, or

She's crazy.

 

See if he really takes this to his boss.

 

I never meant to imply that you should control your husband's phone - but if I was in a serious relationship and I was getting I love you texts from someone else I would a) tell that person to stop that immediately, b) block them if they don't - because just allowing it is disrespectful to my partner. Especially if my partner was already insecure and fragile and felt threatened by other people fawning over me, and felt that they didn't deserve me. I just seems like the common sense, respectful thing to do.

 

The only reason to keep the person with that level of infatuation would be to get an ego boost or to leave the door open for anything later on.

 

That's what I was getting at, I don't think you should control him, but if it was the other way around, and you were getting those texts from some guy, would you really not block them, and just let them say those things?

 

Honestly, I'm not married, I don't know what it's like to have blind faith in someone, but if that is what you truly need to do and that is what feels right for you, I hope it brings you peace and doesn't backfire.

[Got it]

ThreeL - I disagree that you can tell her to stop. Or have your husband tell her to stop. It may be worthwhile for you to read Infidelity section here and even the Surviving Infidelity website to look at boundary crossing and how to handle it. I would recommend reading "Not Just Friends" as well.

 

There may be nothing and just this person that is very inappropriate but this is a very good lesson to address together to make sure boundaries are black and white and both of you know how to handle when someone crosses the line; creating a game plan.

 

And if there is more when you look into it, the above suggestions will be a great place to support and advise you.

 

Take care of yourself ThreeL (((((threeL)))). Remember, you have to be your own best advocate.

[Eivuwan]

And yes, we people are similar and you are right - probably there are 7000 people like my husband out there. But to me he is the One and that's why he always will be number 1 of these 7000 people.

 

When i fall in love with him, i took a decision - he will be the One, no matter how he looks, acts, thinks from now on and how similar he is to other men.

 

You met someone, get to know him(her), fell in love with him because of him, married him because you realize that he is the One from these 7000 people and you don't care that there are men as him out there, because you already love him.

 

How do you know your husband doesn't feel the same way about you? I also noticed that you apologized twice just because you misinterpreted what I said. That is fine. You don't need to apologize for minor things. Do you do that a lot? (You are going to feel tempted to apologize when you respond now right? ) Just wondering. I suggest therapy to help you work on your insecurities. Why do you compare yourself to people all the time? Why not just focus on your own goals and dreams? I think once you do, you will start to feel more and more accomplished and your insecurities will go away. Sure, you might have to work a bit harder than those "smarter" people if they are indeed "smarter," but who cares. Everyone is born with different strengths and weaknesses. The smartest, most beautiful, and most interesting person might be an ass just like the woman who called your husband. A good character is not as easy to develop as you may think and you seem to me to be a decent person (from what I can tell over the internet).

[ThreeL]

I was one person that told you from the beginning that your husband chose you, trust in his love and don't let your insecurities make you feel unworthy of love.

 

I know and thank you for that TigerCub!

 

So either he sent her flowers, or

She's crazy.

 

I know, either my hubby sent her flowers or she's too obsessed with him and tells people lies. And i personaly think the second is true because we are in love, there's no point for him to send her flowers.

 

My husband will talk with her boss today and will show him all the messages from her, accusing her of sexual harassment. This according to my husband means unwelcome, intimate verbal or nonverbal act. My husband thinks that her texts and calls affect his dignity and authority at work, and as husband too. I think it could get ugly, if this woman continues to pursue him - i know him, he is angry at her right now and think she's lost her mind.

 

As for the ego boost, my husband has an ego of course but for other things, not woman's attention.

 

He doesn't want to delete the messages or block her phone yet because he wants to show them to her boss and hire an lawyer if case she continues to bother us. I told him - 'let's forget about her, she acts ridiculous' but he wants to talk with her boss about her behaviour and make her stop.

 

 

That's what I was getting at, I don't think you should control him, but if it was the other way around, and you were getting those texts from some guy, would you really not block them, and just let them say those things?

 

Yes you are right, if i get messages from someone at my work, i immediately will tell him to stop right now with all that nonsense, or my husband and my boss will take care of him. Then i'll block him like forever.

 

I hope he'll block her these days after meet her boss. I already told my husband she bothers me with those messages and this must stop.

 

Yes, i have blind faith but this is my husband. If i don't trust him, this means i don't love him which it's not the case. It is not about me and what brings me peace, but it's all about trust and love in marriage.

 

Thank you so much for your post and time, TigerCub! Without all you guys on here i would be so helpless in this.

 

 

It may be worthwhile for you to read Infidelity section here and even the Surviving Infidelity website to look at boundary crossing and how to handle it.

 

Got it i see your point and thank you, but infidelity section is not what my husband and i need. Because we are in love. I'm sure there is no third person between us, people who are in love just don't need other person in their life. My husband hasn't crossed any boundaries, and i don't need his phone logs or emails to be sure.

 

As for this woman, she is responsible for her actions. I'm a little afraid of her obsession though.

 

Thank you for your time, take care too!

 

 

How do you know your husband doesn't feel the same way about you?

 

You are right, I really don't know but now it occurs to me - i can see his actions, hear his words, feel his emations to me. Your question Eivuwan just make me realize that i actually know how he feels about me.

 

 

You don't need to apologize for minor things. Do you do that a lot?

 

Yes, i do it a lot. But i won't say sorry now for saiyng sorries before, although i want to say 'a sorry' right now but i'll bite my tongue

 

 

I suggest therapy to help you work on your insecurities. Why do you compare yourself to people all the time? Why not just focus on your own goals and dreams?

 

You are right, i definitely need some therapy to help me remove or at least decrease my insecurities. And i'll try to focus on my own goals and world as you say, it's hard not to compare to people and not to want to be better version of myself, but your advice sounds wisely.

 

Thank you so much for your opinion Eivuwan! It's very useful to me. I read it like 10 times to remember it well lol and it does make much sense!

 

Have a great day