NotSoSouthernBelle Posted September 28, 2013 Posted September 28, 2013 I recently decides to try online dating due to a career move to a new city. I thought it might be an easy way to meet some new people. After a little time on the site, I ended up talking to a guy with a fair amount of common interests. We decided to meet up for a drink a few nights ago. Drinks turned into dinner and we had a pretty good date. I don't know if I should wait for him to text me or if I'm supposed to text him to let him know I had a good time? I tried to let him know that I am interested without actually saying anything by going to his profile and rating him with the little 5 star thing on OKC. I know that is ridiculous but I don't want to seem needy and desperate but I also don't want to mess it up because I'm trying to play by all the stupid dating rules. So what do I do?
mammasita Posted September 28, 2013 Posted September 28, 2013 Well did he mention meeting up again during dinner? If I genuinely have a great time, I'll send a text after meeting saying "thank you I had a great time".....for me that's always opened the line of communication for the man to set something else up if he's also interested. I say text him and see if he wants to meet up again. The worst that can happen is he doesn't respond or he says no thank you. In which case, you keep it moving......on to the next!
Author NotSoSouthernBelle Posted September 28, 2013 Author Posted September 28, 2013 Neither of us actually talked about a next time. I kind of kicked myself afterward because as we were leaving we hugged and I didn't even say something like maybe we can do this again. I just thanked him for drinks and dinner. I think I will send him a text though and let him know I enjoyed it.
Brown-Eyez Posted September 28, 2013 Posted September 28, 2013 what i've learned from LS and other dating sources is that it depends on what type of relationship you're looking for.. if you're interested in a guy where you don't have to worry about his intentions with you then you wait for him to make his moves and then you response positively or not if you set the stage for being the one to reach out first it often sets you up to the wondering & worrying thing so let him reach out to you (i can guarantee he will if he's interested..why would he let a good thing go???) if he doesn't reach out first, then he's either too passive (is that ok with you?) or is not that interested 1
henderson14 Posted September 28, 2013 Posted September 28, 2013 He will contact you if he is interested. You sending him a text is nice, but not necessary. Really it only has any affect on me if I am borderline about a girl, and she shows little interest or excitement at the end of the date. Then I might not call her.
hppr Posted September 28, 2013 Posted September 28, 2013 Send him a text saying you had fun and then maybe contact him again after a couple days just to see 'what's up'. people talk about all sorts of dating 'rules' but you are better off just approaching it casually. Don't expect much and if nothing happens well no big deal, on to the next one. 2
Author NotSoSouthernBelle Posted September 28, 2013 Author Posted September 28, 2013 Well then I have already screwed myself over because I sent him a message that said something along the lines of had a great time the other night. Maybe we can do it again sometime. So, whatever, if he gets all freaked out and decides he can't pursue someone that texted him first then he's probably not someone I want to date anyway. It's just a text. I'm not declaring my love. 3
FitChick Posted September 28, 2013 Posted September 28, 2013 Send him a text saying you had fun and then maybe contact him again after a couple days just to see 'what's up'. Yes to the first part and NO to the second part of that sentence. If a man likes you he will grasp at the slimmest of straws to find out if you are interested and contact you again. 1
cif Posted September 28, 2013 Posted September 28, 2013 Well then I have already screwed myself over because I sent him a message that said something along the lines of had a great time the other night. Maybe we can do it again sometime. So, whatever, if he gets all freaked out and decides he can't pursue someone that texted him first then he's probably not someone I want to date anyway. It's just a text. I'm not declaring my love. If that's all your text said i dont see the problem. has he responded yet? 1
coolheadal Posted September 28, 2013 Posted September 28, 2013 Just take time, so much rushing. Why don't you see what he's doing. Text talk or call talk. Text him and say" HI (your first name (here) what's up?" I was thinking we need to hook-up again soon, and what do you think? This gives you idea of what's going through his head and plus you can see if he's free to go. Your intent is to see him again. But what is his intent? That is the question you need to get answered. By knowing this you would make your decision to either more on or continue?
Eternal Sunshine Posted September 28, 2013 Posted September 28, 2013 If I genuinely had a good time, I always text to tell them so (that is if they don't beat me to it ). I am not into game playing and I don't think it ever hurt my chances. If they are interested, they respond promptly.. 1
Author NotSoSouthernBelle Posted September 28, 2013 Author Posted September 28, 2013 Well thanks to iPhone I can see that he read the text but no response. It's been about 2 hours so I'm assuming I got my answer. So on to the next I guess.
henderson14 Posted September 28, 2013 Posted September 28, 2013 Well thanks to iPhone I can see that he read the text but no response. It's been about 2 hours so I'm assuming I got my answer. So on to the next I guess. Give him more time.
ChessPieceFace Posted September 28, 2013 Posted September 28, 2013 I think a clear text saying that you had a good time and would like to do it again makes sense. Not texting at all is a terrible idea and could send the wrong signal. Texting multiple times without a response would also be bad though.
Robynhood Posted September 28, 2013 Posted September 28, 2013 It was right of you to send a text and express your feelings about a date. If someone doesn't like the idea of communication and expressing your feelings and think its needy you dont want to be around them. Those who contacts who are garbage dating rules that should not apply! 1
Author NotSoSouthernBelle Posted September 29, 2013 Author Posted September 29, 2013 Okay well it's been nearly 12 hours now. I'm not obsessed with him texting me, however, I am trying to be realistic about it. Typically if a guy is interested he will make it known. I do not negate the fact that he has a life beyond pining over a date. So turn down your condescending tone. If it takes him some time to communicate with me again, that's fine. But unless he's just being a douche bag most guys that aren't playing games usually have the decency to respond. Even if it's a dismissive response.
movingalongnicely Posted September 29, 2013 Posted September 29, 2013 lol all these "rules" are so funny... I went out with a girl on Wednesday night last week, drank wine for 3 hours and I had a legitimate great time! Soon as I got home, I sent her a text thanking her for a great time and that I really enjoyed myself. Next day, I waited until around 2-3PM since I didn't want to seem eager or needy, but I totally asked her out on a second date and surprise! I got it The woman I'm after will appreciate some honesty and genuine communication. If she's not interested, then she'll let me know! However, if she's going to ignore me because I broke some arbitrary rule about waiting and blah blah blah... it's a great way to filter out the shallow ones
Author NotSoSouthernBelle Posted September 29, 2013 Author Posted September 29, 2013 lol all these "rules" are so funny... I went out with a girl on Wednesday night last week, drank wine for 3 hours and I had a legitimate great time! Soon as I got home, I sent her a text thanking her for a great time and that I really enjoyed myself. Next day, I waited until around 2-3PM since I didn't want to seem eager or needy, but I totally asked her out on a second date and surprise! I got it The woman I'm after will appreciate some honesty and genuine communication. If she's not interested, then she'll let me know! However, if she's going to ignore me because I broke some arbitrary rule about waiting and blah blah blah... it's a great way to filter out the shallow ones Why can't you be the guy I went out on a date with...
Author NotSoSouthernBelle Posted September 29, 2013 Author Posted September 29, 2013 It wasn't a condescending note. I was actually smiling when I wrote that [think more compassionate/playful tone]; I just don't like using emoticons that is all. Anyway. I think 24 hours [or a day or a day and a half, max] is a good time frame to expect a response to a text [esp. if he has a smart phone, like most people, and check his email there]. Exceptions are when someone goes away for a trip [forgetting the charger - even then no more than 2-3 days] or if you are in the hospital or something. I am not saying your gut feeling is wrong, I was just commenting on the 2 hour panic, as an isolated parameter. I just noticed that girls [who tend to text more] panic a lot about texts and don't realize that you might be napping or at the gym or traveling [with plane, where your phone is off] etc. Hmmm....I see your point. I think I'm so bagiddity about this situation because it was one of the nicer dates I've been on. He was extremely attentive like when I ordered a drink jumped immediately to pay for it and even ordered my meal for me. And I will admit that sounds ridiculous like I am fully capable but the way he did it was simply just being polite since we were in a crowded pub. After he paid the tab and we were leaving he even looked back a couple times to make sure I was still with him in a crowd of people. Maybe I'm just use to dating crappy guys and super simple things like that make an impression on me. I guess time will tell. He is a good guy though so its hard to be offended by the situation. It could all just come down to simple attraction. For him, it may not be there. No harm no foul.
Author NotSoSouthernBelle Posted September 29, 2013 Author Posted September 29, 2013 Attentiveness, care, taking charge and making sure you are okay and comfortable - those are great qualities indeed and I understand why he is on your mind. I re-read all of your posts here and I have to say [with this new info as well] it seems like your date went well and there is a chance he is just waiting to ask you out again [but perhaps with a "I really like this girl but I'd rather wait a day or two or I'll look desperate" mindset]. Also, [i don't know your texting history but] maybe he is not a texter, like me, and he will give you an actual call to ask you out. Either case, I can tell you you didn't/don't come off as desperate or too eager whatsoever. You only sent one 'thank you' text, right? That is kind of the norm, I think. Most of the time, my dates send me a text [yes, even after personally thanking me on the date night] for the lovely time they had. And then the next offer [from my end] comes within 1-4 days depending on how busy my week is. But I have to say from time to time, I get a "Aren't you gonna ask me out?" type of anxious texts from girls I actually liked and was going to ask out again anyway. [i guess girls like to hear back from the guys they liked sooner than later?] I honestly would give a good 1 to 3 days before I started to think negatively. I hope it works out for you. Good luck. Thanks...that actually made me feel better about the situation. And yes, that is the only text I have sent him since the date. Even before the date the only texts I sent him were in response to msgs he sent me. Definitely no cling from my end.
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