Online friend who's a girl, looking to further the relationship, Hmm.. (long)

[Spoob]

Hello,

 

Im sure my case isn't unique, but here it goes anyway.

 

Im an avid user of my computer (IRC specifically), I've got PLENTY of online friends, and friends who are online. Recently, lets say a month or two, I've been getting to know one. She's a bit different than most female computer users. Her entire online presence is anonymous. She does and will not tell anybody personal details. Name, apperance, etc. (Keep in mind, nobody is expected to do this online, this is just a very extreme situation) She will not let -anyone- get close to her. Nobody knows anything about her.

 

Except myself.

 

I've seen multiple photos of her, which she claims is VERY rare. She's shared personal details with me about her, which go very deep into detail. I know her name, where she lives, her past. Basically, everything. She asked me to never disclose any of it to anyone, nor her photos. (Which under normal circumstances, I would have shared the photo with a long time friend from the UK. Not this time, however) I haven't, nor will I ever. Even when we're talking in a public channel, I pretend I don't know anything. Anyway..

 

I think I've got a crush on her, and have since before I even saw her photo (She is absolutely stunning! Though, thinks quite the opposite). She's born and raised in the city from which I live in, but is currently 800 miles away for schooling.

 

In addition, she's never had a relationship. She's never let anyone get close to her (beyond family). She claims to not have any close friends, as well. She's never felt the love of another human being that wasn't related. We share things which seem to be on a "more than friends" level, even though we've never met. She knows all about myself, and her likewise. Likes, dislikes, loves and hates. Arg.

 

I just don't know what to do. We have alot in common, I would really like to meet her, and perhaps have something special. I've only been in one relationship myself (I'm 23 now), and it ended horribly. I don't really have the experiance to know what to do, or if it will even work. I feel very dearly for her.. I think it IS mutual, but she's the very timid type.

 

What should I do? (I can go further into detail about the kind of relationship we currently have, if anyone needs me to, to better assess things)

 

Thanks

[LucreziaBorgia]

First off: proceed with caution.

Secondly: proceed with caution.

and thirdly: proceed with caution.

 

Online stuff like this is tricky, and secrecy can either be genuine or hiding a huge variety of things from you. A lot of times the online fantasy partner you have will turn out to be very different when you meet them and get to know them as a real human being. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. It depends on how willing you are to let go of the fantasy and accept the flesh and blood person on the other end of that chat window.

 

If you are interested in this woman, ask her if you would be able to call her - establish a voice contact. If you talk to her and it seems to be going well - after a while ask if it would be possible to meet her in person. If she refuses to talk to you on the phone or meet you, well - then that leaves you with two choices:

 

continue your online only relationship or... break it off.

[Spoob]

Heh believe me, have been doing the caution thing.

 

Bout' the phone thing, no need. We converse on skype (voip prog, very decent http://www.skype.com) often, usually for hours at a time. Usually about nothing in general.

 

I understand how these online relationships can be, what can & can't happen. Thing im not sure about, is her. I've never dealt with her kind of person before, not sure how she'd react if told of my feelings. She's VERY lonely, yet still very afraid of people.

 

Blah.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Its good that you are talking to each other. Maybe you could drop an innocuous "you know, I'd really love to meet you in person sometime and we can hang out". And see what she says. That way maybe you can make plans to meet and then decide after spending some time with her if you want to take it further.

[Wolvesbaned]

Seems a little odd to me, the super-secrecy thing. Have you asked your friends about her? Ask casually if they know anything about her and see what they say.

 

If it all clears out OK: arrange to meet her at a public place (cafe, zoo, bookstore, theater, etc). People that like each other, meet each other. That's just my 2 cents After you get to know her a bit "in real life", you have more to work with.

 

Have fun!

[Spoob]

Yup, it is very strange indeed. My friends know nothing about her, other than she lives in another city. I've known her for quite sometime, and until we really started talking, i knew nothing as well.

 

She'll be in the city for christmas. Asked her if she wants to do something, play pool or hit a coffee shop. She did seem interested but never answered.

 

Hmm.. Maybe i should play it cool until that happens, meeting her IRL. Im afraid if i expressed myself over the net', it would frighten her and she would back out completely.

 

Ahhhh damn relationships and their complications

[MelodyJ]

Sounds weird. If the two of you are on skype, then you talking and getting to know one another about as much as you can over the net, so what is she so afraid of? Maybe those aren't her in the picture? Maybe she does this all the time with others? She is hiding something, and it is not just her I.D. Sorry, womens intuition. Or, maybe she just doesn't want to get involved with some one from her favorite chat room? You could be a freak for all she knows. This way, you can have a relationship she can end when ever she wants.

Sounds like you really like her, I hope you figure it out.

[Mary3]

She is keeping secrets for a good reason :

 

She is Married ?

She weighs 345 pounds ?

She is in prison ?

She is nontrusting with issues ?

 

Farrrrrr tooooo many things give it away.....she is either a famous movie star living the reclusive life ....or she has something BIG to hide !!

 

Either way....you were the ONLY fortunate one to get all the details about her life ?

 

Call her.....within 23 hours ....listen to her voice......without the voice its BS....then set a date to meet....spend the day with her....

 

You will find out what she is hiding.....or not