Nubianangel Posted November 28, 2004 Posted November 28, 2004 Hello all, I am not doing so well tonight, the love of my life has ended things between us. Here is the gist of it, my BF and I have been together for five wonderful months--don't get me wrong it hasn't been a perfect union due to a lot of outside drama with jealous ex-girlfriends and friends who found it easier to tear us apart rather than congratulate us. I have to admit I've had a hand in our relationship unraveling because I'm insecure and so afraid of being rejected that I never really gave of myself completely or emotionally. This man treated me like a queen, there was nothing he wouldn't do to make me happy and sadly, I rarely did the same in return. The straw that broke the camels back was when I didn't visit him like I said I would on Thanksgiving day though I promised I would. I told him I'd call him at a certain time but ended calling him 9 hours later, this is not the first time I've done this to him when we made plans. It was a turning point in our relationship but we worked it out, atleast I thought we had but I now know it still bothers him. We were on our way to my house from a family dinner he invited me to, mind you it was the first time I'd met his extended family members, once again we got into a discussion about my not being considerate, as usual I became defensive the he became defensive and we blew things out of proportion. I became pissed and decided to give him the silent treatment the rest of the way there. It was immature of me I know but I got out of the car, slammed the door and walked away without another word. He called after me repeatedly, I ignored him and finally he yelled 'lose my number then'. Those words crushed me but it was more important for me to be stubborn and maintain my pride rather than apologize and try working it out and so I continued walking away. Guys, I really don't want to lose this man. I've kissed a lot of frogs and never really knew what true love with a man felt like until he came along. I've never been in ANY kind of positive relationship with a male, including my dad and so it was all so new to me that I never really realized it or appreciated it. Afterwards, he called my house and I picked up the phone with a nasty "WHAT?" and he says "I just called to let you know that your mom called my cell and would like for you to return her call." I felt like such an ass. Here I am ready to go at him with much attitude and he's being thoughtful. It was a short conversation and I haven't heard from him since. We're absolutely crazy about each other, this was the man I dreamt of marrying someday and vice versa. Several times we spoke of building a foundation in order to have a future together. Honestly, I have no doubt we will speak again but what do I say to get him back? I love this man with my whole being and the thought of never having the chance to love him each and everyday is killing me. Any advise please.....
moimeme Posted November 28, 2004 Posted November 28, 2004 You don't actually want to be in that relationship. For whatever reason, you are sabotaging it at every opportunity. Let him go and then see a therapist and figure out what's going on with you. Learn how to treat someone well before you get into another relationship. You cannot just keep mistreating somebody and expect that person to hang around in hope that one day you'll actually be decent to him. You kill love as effectively by causing a thousand small wounds as you do by causing one large one.
overseas2004 Posted November 28, 2004 Posted November 28, 2004 Forget the therapist and do what you have to do in order to get back with him. An apology would be good for starts ... in person... and then you can take it from there. Forget the therapist...
Sealy Posted November 28, 2004 Posted November 28, 2004 wow that was so close to my situation is scary, although i was on the other side.... it been about an month since i spoke to my ex. my gf did alot of the same things as you and i took it all on the chin, im a pretty tolerant guy but she mistook that for being a doormat and the night she crossd the line i let her know about it and she got REALLY defencive about it and walked out (she was also very drunk at the time as well). the next day she rang to say she was sorry (and blamed the drink) and i knew she was but i was still pissed at her about the night before and she said she was going to go over to my place to get her stuff while i was at work. i didnt fight it, i didnt have anything to say or any motivation to try and save it at the time. about a week later i went to see her and told her i didnt wanna break up but she told me it was over... even tho it was only 6 months we went thru alot in that time and it was pretty damn serious. for both of us it was te first time we had really loved someone so much and there was a bit of 'future talk' as well. if she had come back in that first week after i would definatly taken her back but as it is right now i couldnt go back to it... she really did treat me like s*** and she'd have to sort out her issues beforei could see her again... its a shame that she wont address them :/ if your serious about getting him back then you'll need to let him know that you know how you acted was unexcuseable, that you never want to do that to him again. if he had treated you so weel then its safe to assume he had some strong feelings for ya. gl!
Merin Posted November 28, 2004 Posted November 28, 2004 Tell him in person what you've said here.. Don't have further regret for what you should've said but didn't.. Don't sleep with your pride.. Best wishes
Author Nubianangel Posted November 28, 2004 Author Posted November 28, 2004 Thanks everyone for your responses and while I don't completely agree with moimeme, I do think therapy is a good idea. A lot of how I interact with men stems from my relationship with my dad who was an emotionally distant parent and so many of my relationships were with the same kind of men until my current love came along. He brought down so many walls and while it was wonderful to feel truly loved, I also felt very vulnerable and afraid. I will say that my inability to reciprocate wholeheartedly was a choice at times but it also had to do with the fact that I didn't know HOW to love a man. I was used to being used, verbally abused and taken for granted in past relationships that I thought his love for me was a farce and his 'true' colors would show and so I tested him by doing immature things like blowing him off or not calling for a day or two. Moimeme is right, I've always yearned for his kind of love but in the end I sabotaged it. I pushed him into rejecting me because it was what I expected and what I was used to. However, I will NOT roll over and deal with this. If he will have me, I will do whatever is necessary to have him in my life once again. Thanks for the advice guys and I will keep you updated.
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