I fooled around with a married man at work, now what do I do

[blossomingflower]

Okay, I have had a situation occur between me and a MM about a week ago and I have no idea what in the world to think or what to do. We both work together and one day we were in the office together alone. We always flirted because I think he is a very attractive man and he thinks I am a cute woman, but I never thought anything about it. Well to make a long story short on thing leads to another and we end up having oral sex in the office. A couple of days later I had to call him about signing some paper work to tie up loose ends and he sounds all excited to hear my voice. I asked him is there anything else I could do for him (cause he asked me to inital the areas of paperwork he forgot) and he said not over the phone you can't and I kind of laughed and left it at that. Friday and Saturday, we worked together at the same building and he was very friendly and nice but did not really say anything about what happened or even pull me over to the side to explain WTF was happening with this situation. I have to work with him tomorrow and I have no idea how to handle this "problem". A friend says he still is flirting but very low key (she is sleeping with a MM so she would know) Do I try to address this problem cause every once in a while he says some sexual things when he can get me alone and though I know it is wrong I would love to sleep with him once so I can get it out of my system. Or do I leave it alone and chop it up to one of those things that just happened and something that will not be talked about again?

 

 

Thanks for all of you guys help and sorry if I am not clear or leaving out something important.[font=times new roman][/font][color=blue][/color]

[Merin]

You want to sleep with this MM to "get it out of your system"

 

Well.. IF you've enjoyed the uncertainty and game playing thats taken place over the last week thats gone on with between you and MM and you're up for a whole lot more mind games and uncertainty for awhile longer, then by all means continue to persue this..

 

IMO sleeping with him is only going to further complicate the situation and in the end make you unhappy.

 

My two cents

[stormywind]

I know the feeling of what you're going through because recently I was in a similar situation sort of. But I have the feeling that sleeping with him won't get it "out" of your system but make it even harder to get it out of your system.

Unless of course you can have sex unemotionally. I can't.

[Patiently waiting]

Don't do it, you'll be sorry you did when you start REALLY liking him and he starts with the whole "you know I'm married sweetie, why can't you just be satisfied with the relationship we have and be happy when we are together" crap ! I'm telling you.....it's coming........save yourself now BEFORE it's too late.......

[indigo_moon]

So your female coworker is boinking a MM, you are giving BJ's to a MM coworker. Ain't life grand. Doesn't anybody respect boundaries these days?..that someone who's married is off limits? How would you feel one day if you're married and some workplace ho is wrapping her lipstick around your husband's dipstick? That would be okay with you? The moral issues aside, are you looking to get fired?

[supermom]

Definetly a horrible idea. Leave it alone and respect yourself enough to not go through with it. Do you like sloppy seconds? What do you expect to actually get out of this? You keep it up and you will start expecting a lot more that you will not ever have. Feelings can be strong and overpowering, back off now before it's too late, for your own good.

 

How many other women has he done this to?

[stormywind]

Originally posted by indigo_moon

So your female coworker is boinking a MM, you are giving BJ's to a MM coworker. Ain't life grand. Doesn't anybody respect boundaries these days?..that someone who's married is off limits? How would you feel one day if you're married and some workplace ho is wrapping her lipstick around your husband's dipstick? That would be okay with you? The moral issues aside, are you looking to get fired?

 

Whoa....these husbands aren't exactly innocent you know--not at all. In my case, they were the aggressor. It's not like they're just doing their job and this woman is throwing herself naked in front of them and they're just helpless. I don't think so.........

 

Btw, if someone does have a husband that is "victim" to these OW, then even if SHE says no to him, doesn't mean HE'LL change---he will very likely find himself another.

[indigo_moon]

Of course these MM aren't innocent, I surely never stated or implied they were. However,it's not the MM that's posting here asking if she should "have sex to get it out of his system" - it's the other woman who's here asking if she should become further involved with someone else's snake of a husband. It's a sad day when a woman has such little self control and self respect but to get caught up in the skanky flirtations of someone who has a wife at home - with such little self control that she magically finds herself sucking on his corn cob pipe - and then having to ask the question if she should go all the way and have full blown intercourse with him. What part of "married" do some people not get? Why would any woman want a sleazy married man who's betraying his wife and no doubt getting his rocks off by many different women? Are women so desperate for attention that they fall for this type of transparent attention? The guy couldn't care less about her, he's just looking for someone easy to give him a thrill - nothing more, nothing less. Sure hope he doesn't have a scorching case of herpes or some other STI that she may have contracted by sucking on bo-bo - never know where that dog's dick has been - literally.

 

Bottom line is: what kind of day and age are we in where people have to stop and ask others, "should I go ahead and play sink the sub with someone's husband?"

[SoleMate]

I have had a situation occur between me and a MM about a week ago...

Did this "just occur"? Probably not. Someone was driving it - likely him.

 

...and I have no idea what in the world to think or what to do.

Think: that he's a user, out for what he can get. Do: keep your distance from him, inform him that shenanigans are over. Look for your carnal fun outside the office. Sleeping with him will NOT get it out of your system.

 

This oral sex...I hope YOU were experiencing the orgasms, not him, but I fear that in this one-sided "relaqtionship", he's all about taking, you're all about getting taken...

[Patiently waiting]

Originally posted by indigo_moon

So your female coworker is boinking a MM, you are giving BJ's to a MM coworker. Ain't life grand. Doesn't anybody respect boundaries these days?..that someone who's married is off limits? How would you feel one day if you're married and some workplace ho is wrapping her lipstick around your husband's dipstick? That would be okay with you? The moral issues aside, are you looking to get fired?

 

 

Indigo moon is absolutely correct, I almost got fired based on a new form of sexual harassment, where if it disturbs someone to see something happen at work that is even ever so slightly sexual, like a kiss between 2 people not married to each other (lots of tattle tales with their own agendas out there.....) and they complain by WRITING A LETTER TO THE HEAD OF THE COMPANY AND ALL THE MANAGERS which ruins your professional reputation, so you file a complaint and say "it was not what it appeared to be, it was just a long hug between friends" to protect your reputation (their word against yours afterall....and they were at quite a distance when they claimed to have seen it happen), but the bosses believe them instead, after a lengthy investigation where all of a sudden more witnesses appear who happen to be best friends of the original complainant, and who have done this sort of thing to other employees to gain recognition from management and receive monetary awards for pain and suffering. Then you don't necessarily get fired......it's worse than that.....you will never move up in the Company no matter what. You are written up for "dishonesty" and given a suspension from work. All those years of hard work, down the drain.......! All for what......a guy who could really care less where he put his c-ck as long as it was convenient! Yeah, he got his suspension too, but he's already in Management, and last I heard getting a nice raise from his new boss who now happens to be a man who has had affairs as well! (last boss was a married woman). He sure lucked out that his last boss suddenly got a promotion! (she was involved in the investigation......hmmm.........brownie points...?)

[blossomingflower]

Wow......some very interesting comments from everyone. Thank you to everyone who has replied, nicely and not so nicely, it really is giving me a lot to think about in this situation. Though I do find him attractive, I do not think it would be good for me to sleep with this guy. I have never picutred myself being the OW, but then again I don't think anyone does. However, I do not know how to push him away cause we work very close together, at least 3 times a week, and I don't know if I am strong enough to not play his game.

 

As far as the job issue is concerned, today was his last day working for our company full time. He is moving to another company in town, but will be helping out every weekend at one of our companies (mainly the one I work at every Sat.) to make some extra money. No one knows what happened except us. We were alone, which is where the problem started. So, I am not concerned with losing my job cause no one will find out (at least I pray they will not). So right now, the plan is simply to keep weekends busy for him and me so neither one of us have time to think about it.

 

And BTW for SoleMate: It was a receiving on both ends. He was very generous in that area.

[littleflowerpot]

what do you mean when you say you're not strong enough to resist playing his game? you aren't even in love with this guy so what else would be the reason not do something you know would be a bad thing? do you mean you're not strong enough to control your own lust? in that case, go out and find another hunky dude (single) and bonk him all you want so you won't be tempted to with this married loser.

[StillHurtin]

Stay away from this MM. He will only cause you heartache in the end. I am not the OW, but the W, and my H had an A w/ one of his co-workers during our seperation. After H realized that the grass isn't greener on the other side he dumped the OW. He was her supervisor and after he broke it off w/ her she always thought he was out to fire her b/c she knew that I didn't like them working 2gether. Anyhow, she turned him in for harrassment. When they called H into the office to talk to him about the situation he admitted that he had an A w/ her and that he thinks her filing a complaint against him was to get him fired for getting back at him for dumping her. It caused a lot of problems. I read a few IM's that she sent to him and in all of them she mentioned she was worried he was trying to get her fired, which he wasn't. Anyhow, she did get him fired and H has a lawsuit against the co. b/c my family, H's family, and his lawyer feel that the company was too harsh w/ firing him over the situation (long story). It could of been, and should of been the OW that was fired also for sleeping w/ her supervisor. It worked out better for us in the end that he got fired b/c now he now longer works w/ the OW (who I have known for 3 years since H started working w/ her).

 

It's not worth loosing your job, your self respect, your dignity, to sleep w/ a MM, especially to get it out of your system. A few months b4 H and I seperated I flat out asked him if he wasn't married would he want to sleep w/ the OW. To my horror he said if he wasn't married he would want to sleep w/ her b/c he would be curious what she was like in bed! I was so upset and hurt! It's not worth it. Plz really think b4 you continue anymore personal relations w/ this MM.

[indigo_moon]

About your husband's major lapse in judgment, you wrote:

 

"It could of been, and should of been the OW that was fired also for sleeping w/ her supervisor."

 

In my mind, an authority figure should be more at fault as they're supposed to be a role model and set a professional example, no??

[StillHurtin]

Originally posted by indigo_moon

About your husband's major lapse in judgment, you wrote:

 

 

 

In my mind, an authority figure should be more at fault as they're supposed to be a role model and set a professional example, no??

 

I totally agree indigo. I guess what ticks me off is that she runs and turns him into the HR Dept for harmless "horseplay" (as his lawyer put it), and he gets fired but yet she can grabbed men's crothes (I heard it from several ppl who seen it and H has also told me she acts like that w/ all the guys she works w/.) and yet nothing happens to her. Why, b/c the men either like that their are getting grabbed by her and so they don't want to turn her in for sexual harrassment or they are just don't want to cause any problems.

[indigo_moon]

I understand, StillHurtin......wasn't there a movie about this kind of chick? With Demi Moore and Michael Douglas? Where she seduces him and tries to get him charged w/ sexual harassment - and he nearly loses his career and marriage but in the end she gets busted. Can't remember the name of it.

 

Women like her are a disgrace to our gender. Obviously quite bankrupt in the self-respect department, hey? Are you still with your husband?

[jellybean]

I dunno...I find alot of things you say to be quite disturbing and suspicious....

 

We always flirted because I think he is a very attractive man

 

YOU pursued him, didn't you? And you've probably been having sexual fantasies about him for a long time, haven't you?

 

I asked him is there anything else I could do for him (cause he asked me to inital the areas of paperwork he forgot) and he said not over the phone you can't and I kind of laughed and left it at that.

 

You said that to him knowing full well that is was meant as an invitation for a 2nd encounter.

 

I would love to sleep with him once so I can get it out of my system

 

And nothing or no one is going to stop you, right?

 

I don't know if I am strong enough to not play his game.

 

Oh puleeeze! you're the one who invited all this complication into your life, and you're enjoying it, you want it, you think it's fun and exciting, don't you?

 

Yeah, clearly you are a woman who has no boundaries - he's MARRIED! but that doesn't matter in your little head, all that matters is how you now feel sexy and desirable being physically involved with another woman's husband.

 

I really do hope you sleep with him...you'll end up getting exactly what you deserve - major heartbreak.

[stormywind]

I think she's asking for advice on her situation and I wish people on here could do that without just chastizing the person for being with a MM.

She wants advice on her feelings, her situation, why she's feeling the way she does, what might happen if she goes through with things, what his intentions are, etc...

 

When we yell at the person for doing or even thinking what they do, we close off the communication and she's on here because she wants to reach out to people. Let's not shut her out---let's give her specific advice and feedback instead.

 

She's maybe confused and vulnerable but is not evil. Most likely these types of responses are coming from the wives of MM who cheated. That's understandable (I too was in those shoes before). But it doesn't help this woman understand HER situation.

[jellybean]

I'm not the wife of a MM who cheated...I'm single.

 

Anyways, I'm sorry if I said anything to offend you, blossomingflower. I'm generally much kinder in my responses, please accept my apology.

 

I don't know why this subject is such an emotionally charged issue with me.

 

Maybe it's because I believe that marriage is something very special, and cheating is wrong.

 

I keep thinking about how devastated I would be if I was married, and learned that my husband had been unfaithful to me with some single chick at the office.

 

Anyways, I acknowledge that you are in an uncomfortable place right now...I can't offer you specific advice, only my own personal beliefs that may or may not be thought provoking.

 

Take care......

[StillHurtin]

Originally posted by indigo_moon

I understand, StillHurtin......wasn't there a movie about this kind of chick? With Demi Moore and Michael Douglas? Where she seduces him and tries to get him charged w/ sexual harassment - and he nearly loses his career and marriage but in the end she gets busted. Can't remember the name of it.

 

Women like her are a disgrace to our gender. Obviously quite bankrupt in the self-respect department, hey? Are you still with your husband?

 

 

Yea, I remember that movie. Haven't seen it in years. I can't remember the name of it either.

 

I agree about her being a disgrace to our gender. When the rumors were first going around (after H filed for a D and I kicked him out of our home) I called her and confronted her. She of course denied it and so did H. I don't know if they were having a physical A at the time but I know it was emotional. She said that she didn't care if she flirted w/ MM. She told me that she had an A a few years ago w/ a MM whom was also seperated from his wife. She became pg w/ another man's child shortly after that A and then she started seriously dating the father and then she married him. It didn't stop her from flirting w/ every guy she ran across. She told me that she can't walk into a store w/o some woman glaring at her b/c they think she stole their man/H. She laughed about it. She came out and told me that she didn't care if a man is married, if she wants him, she will go after him. So, my dh isn't the first MM she has had an A w/. I honestly can't see what these MM see in her, she's not very attractive and is "skanky (what my friends call her) Dh said he liked all the attention (flirting) she gave him.

 

To answer your ?, yes, I am still w/ my H. I guess he realized that the grass isn't greener on the other side. The A lasted about 2 months. He called me several times a week, every night and we would talk for hours. He wanted me and the kids back. At first I wasn't going to but I still loved him. I gave him an ultimanium, he was no longer to have a friendship w/ the OW, and he needed to go to counseling. He did both. Our marriage is better than it was b4.

 

Sorry for taking over this thread. To the original poster, I hope things are working out for you. Follow your heart.

[cheatersrsad]

Stormywind wants people to stop chastizing and start empathizing. Not gonna happen on my end. What makes people defend cheaters? Not sure I will ever get it. And why doesn't cheating make you evil? A cheater knowingly is intimate with someone who is "taken." Stop trying to put the blame on the MM or the W...YES the MM is guilty, but that doesn't make you any less! And who cares what the W has done to her H. If it were that horrific he would leave her; no excuses. Cheaters are people too...but barely. Feelings, emtions...yada yada yada. What do you think the wife, kids, and families are going through when affairs are discovered or Dad isn't always around? Do you think they signed up for total devastation? If a cheater learned from their actions and resolved to never be that person again that would be great. But when cheaters post in here and whine about their feelings...ick. Worry about the innocents involved-not yourself. You weren't walking around naked in a park, tripped and fell on the MM-you caused it to happen in your life.

[stormywind]

Originally posted by cheatersrsad

Stormywind wants people to stop chastizing and start empathizing. Not gonna happen on my end. What makes people defend cheaters? Not sure I will ever get it. And why doesn't cheating make you evil? A cheater knowingly is intimate with someone who is "taken." Stop trying to put the blame on the MM or the W...YES the MM is guilty, but that doesn't make you any less! And who cares what the W has done to her H. If it were that horrific he would leave her; no excuses. Cheaters are people too...but barely. Feelings, emtions...yada yada yada. What do you think the wife, kids, and families are going through when affairs are discovered or Dad isn't always around? Do you think they signed up for total devastation? If a cheater learned from their actions and resolved to never be that person again that would be great. But when cheaters post in here and whine about their feelings...ick. Worry about the innocents involved-not yourself. You weren't walking around naked in a park, tripped and fell on the MM-you caused it to happen in your life.

 

No, that's not what I said at all. I'll explain it but doubt that will do any good. OW come here to get help with how they feel, all the things they're going through with their situation, etc... . They're not wanting people to tell them what they're doing is ok --but they want help getting through a situation that most never intended in the first place.

Just to come on here and say: "You're wrong, wrong, wrong!" does not help them change or grow---and that's what most are here to do.

[StillHurtin]

I don't come here to bash the OW. I am not the OW, I am the W who's H had an A. I don't agree w/ OW having A w/ MM. They need a place they can come to vent, cry, get support, ect and so I don't want to come here and bash them at a place they come to seek help from. Now, if I ever see an OW post here how proud she is she can take a MM away from his W or something similiar, then I will be ripping into her. I have yet to see an OW coming here bragging how she had or is having an A w/ a MM. All I see here is heartaches from the OW. I haven't been coming to this forum very long and maybe there are post on OW bragging about having an A w/ a MM but I have never seen one.

 

When I called and asked the OW H was having an A w/ what was going on between them ( I had heard many rumors) she said nothing. She laughed and told me during our conversation she has slept w/ other MM and she can't walk into a store w/o some woman glaring at her b/c they think she took their H away from them. When OW sit there and brag about having an A w/ a MM that pisses me off. When they do this they have no feelings for anyone else but themselves. They don't care who they hurt, the W, the children, the MM. All they want is what makes them happy. May not be true for all OW but it is for the one that slept w/ my H. I knew her for 3 years b4 the A. She and my H were co-workers.

[Moose]

I am very guilty of popping in and out of this part of the community......and telling all of you how wrong, wrong, wrong you are. For that I apologize. I try my best to stay out of here really. But in all honesty, now that you know an affair, (no matter who's side is right or wrong ends up in hurting someone), it should be apparent that you learn not to fall into that trap again.

 

So why then, are there so many affairs, knowing how they all wind up? Because we're human.....that's why. We all make mistakes. It's what we do with those mistakes that counts. Learn from them.

[Mr Spock]

Originally posted by blossomingflower

Okay, I have had a situation occur between me and a MM about a week ago and I have no idea what in the world to think or what to do. We both work together and one day we were in the office together alone. We always flirted because I think he is a very attractive man and he thinks I am a cute woman, but I never thought anything about it. Well to make a long story short on thing leads to another and we end up having oral sex in the office. A couple of days later I had to call him about signing some paper work to tie up loose ends and he sounds all excited to hear my voice. I asked him is there anything else I could do for him (cause he asked me to inital the areas of paperwork he forgot) and he said not over the phone you can't and I kind of laughed and left it at that. Friday and Saturday, we worked together at the same building and he was very friendly and nice but did not really say anything about what happened or even pull me over to the side to explain WTF was happening with this situation. I have to work with him tomorrow and I have no idea how to handle this "problem". A friend says he still is flirting but very low key (she is sleeping with a MM so she would know) Do I try to address this problem cause every once in a while he says some sexual things when he can get me alone and though I know it is wrong I would love to sleep with him once so I can get it out of my system. Or do I leave it alone and chop it up to one of those things that just happened and something that will not be talked about again?

 

 

Thanks for all of you guys help and sorry if I am not clear or leaving out something important.[font=times new roman][/font][color=blue][/color]

 

I haven't read any of the other replies so I don't know if I'm repeating anything-first of all, it happens ALOT more than you think. This guy is looking for tail, and you put out. Of course he's excited to hear from you. I would be too. You won't get him out of your system by boinking him, it'll make it harder to stay unattached.

 

Just be thankful he's not your husband, pretend it didn't happen and don't do it again.