melell Posted September 28, 2013 Posted September 28, 2013 I may get slammed for this post.. My ex (8years together) started using drugs and alcohol heavily a few months before he left. Many BIG arguments about this later, and he left (I know, I know). I know his drug and alcohol abuse continued and worsened after the breakup (3 months since BU, I went NC). I am pretty much 99.9% sure there was no one else, just friends and drink/drugs. Now I don't want him back, I know he has changed for the worse. BUT now I am in a phase where I really only remember all the great things, and see him as better than me somehow (prior to this I was just angry). I won't contact him again under any conditions, trust me. But I just wonder if at any point it will hit him...or if at any point he will have to face what has happened? I want to know how all of you think drugs and alcohol during and after a breakup effects people in terms of caring, regret, or remorse? I know it shouldn't matter how he feels, and that's not the point, but I think I need some perspective here.
Author melell Posted September 28, 2013 Author Posted September 28, 2013 This sucks. It makes no sense to me how this can happen. I think it is the hardest part about it, even if my ex was to come back there is no way I can take him and go through it, it is just hard. I have already had repo people contacting me looking for him to take his car. And mail came here stating he had been fired from his (good) job, and court proceedings were underway for debt. He is 27. He was arrested at least 3 times in the last 4 months. I am in grad school, have an excellent job, no debt, and a few good assets. But I still feel as though I am less than him. It cuts me that there is no winning in this situation.
Author melell Posted September 28, 2013 Author Posted September 28, 2013 This is the thing, I tried to help for months and months. I tried everything. He didn't want it. And he would try for a week, and make doctors appointments etc, but it would all go out the window straight after. I offered him all the help I possibly could, and told him it was regardless of our relationship status. His answer to everything was to leave. It is as if when addiction is involved nothing matters. When it ended he really couldn't get through a few hours without taking something or drinking. If I was to reach out now and offer anything I am 90% sure he would ignore me. It would just leave me feeling lower than I already do. That is why I wondered if he would ever care, or feel remorse for anything that happened..
Author melell Posted September 28, 2013 Author Posted September 28, 2013 If I was your Ex or Mine... I would not have made the choices they have and will continue to make. For their sake, I hope they find the help they need. Back to you... One day someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else. Thank you for this
Kizza Posted September 28, 2013 Posted September 28, 2013 My first love. I was 17. I broke up with him because I wanted out and he kept using. I told him if he sorted himself out he knew where to find me. I loved him but I needed to look after myself. Today... I am alive and he has been dead for 10 years. My decision to not be involved with him (bless him) anymore could very well have saved my life. What I am saying is there is a point where he needs to be left to make his choices and you to take your path and all you Can do is hope for the best of both of you. You only have control of your destiny. His is up to him and him alone.... 1
BC1980 Posted September 28, 2013 Posted September 28, 2013 In most situations I've seen, you can't really help an addict. It's just that simple. Sure, you can be there to talk to them if they want, support them through rehab, ect. But you have to really protect yourself in these situations, which is why I would not recommend contacting your ex. Do you really think you can help him? I highly doubt it. People who are true addicts are not fit to be in relationships, and it will only hurt you and him for you to contact him. We all hear the statistics about how few addicts make it through rehab and actually stay clean. I've dealt with an eating disorder myself, and I was the only one who could help myself. I was my own worst enemy most days. Your ex boyfriend is his own worst enemy, and, sadly, there is not a thing you can do to help him. 1
Author melell Posted September 29, 2013 Author Posted September 29, 2013 Do you think they will ever feel anything about what has happened? From what I have experienced it is just a continual running away from emotions. I wonder if there will ever be a time when he reflects on this.
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