Frazzle Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 (edited) This happened awhile ago but I want to review the situation to see what I could have done differently and if I read things correctly. Here's the story: I met this girl in college through a mutual friend and we didn't really talk until I met her at a lecture. We sat next to each other and exchanged small talk. I later added her on FB that night and we chatted a little bit. Then, I asked her to have lunch the next day and she agreed. The lunch was pleasant enough but nothing special. During the lunch, she said something interesting though. She said she'll take me to an ethnic festival but added that people would wonder if I'm her boyfriend. I thought that was a weird thing to say and have no idea if it means anything. When we finished, I suggested we go eat again and she sounded enthusiastic about it. However, when I called her to ask her to go eat that weekend, she said she was busy. I tried again the next week and got the same answer so I decided to cut my losses and move on. I didn't contact her at all for awhile. Then, out of the blue, she left a message saying that we needed to go eat and that she missed me. Now, this is weird because we've only met twice in person. I never really followed up on that and put the ball in her court by telling her to let me know if she ever wanted to go eat. Time passed and then she messaged me again saying she saw me in the parking lot and that she lost my number. We finally tried to arrange something before both of us graduated. We set a date but when that day came, she asked me to move it to another day. This conflicted with my schedule and so we had to cancel again. That was our last chance and so I told her to give me a call if she ever came to my area (I live in a different area 4 hours from where I went to school). Then, on graduation day, she left me a post on my Facebook saying that she saw me at the graduation and that "her heart ached a little bit." I have no idea what that even means... and it seems really weird for her to be posting something like that on social media... not even on private message. Therefore, I'm wondering if she was ever interested in me because she gave me a lot of mixed signals. In her defense, from what my mutual friend told me, she does seem like a really busy girl who was active on campus and all that stuff. What could I have done differently? Like I said, we're really far away from each other now and all of this is just water under the bridge. I want to take this as a learning experience for the future. Edited September 27, 2013 by Frazzle
Author Frazzle Posted September 28, 2013 Author Posted September 28, 2013 Anyone? Any feedback would be appreciated.
cif Posted September 28, 2013 Posted September 28, 2013 It wasn't meant to be. I don't think you could've done anything differently. Perhaps she did like you but the timing was wrong. Just one of those things.
PinkCarnations Posted September 28, 2013 Posted September 28, 2013 It's clear she likes u. Just try harder.
TB Rhine Posted September 28, 2013 Posted September 28, 2013 It's possible that the timing really was just off. It's also possible that she was testing you, then backing off when you failed her tests, then trying to give you more opportunities down the road (I don't condone this sort of game-playing, mind, but you'll encounter it a lot, especially among younger women). When she said the boyfriend thing, you should've joked around with her, said something to the effect of "Nah, they'll just assume I'm a married man you're having a torrid affair with." It's *just* possible she was trying to goad you into asking her to be your g/f, but more likely, I think, that she was testing and hoping you WOULDN'T do so. She wanted you to play along and beat her at her own game. The whole "leaving the ball in her court" thing will never, EVER work with women. As a man, feminism be damned, you are expected to take the lead at all times. The moment you try to let her lead, it's over. It's very possible she took your "let me know when you wanna hang out," etc. as a soft rejection - that you were basically letting on that you were no longer interested in her, hence no longer willing to chase. I get what you were trying to do - I used to do it myself back then - you're trying to shift the power imbalance by getting her to start initiating things and create a give-and-take. There *is* a give and take involved when a girl likes you, but that's not the way to do it. 1
truth_seeker Posted September 28, 2013 Posted September 28, 2013 I say she likes you and was testing you to see if you would really go after her. OTOH you did the right things asking her out and she never accepted (she was busy) and once you "moved on" she then chased you. Was she seeing someone else during this time? She looking for attention only? The Facebook comment was odd. She mentally stable? Socially inept?
StanMusial Posted September 28, 2013 Posted September 28, 2013 This happened awhile ago but I want to review the situation to see what I could have done differently and if I read things correctly. Here's the story: I met this girl in college through a mutual friend and we didn't really talk until I met her at a lecture. We sat next to each other and exchanged small talk. I later added her on FB that night and we chatted a little bit. Then, I asked her to have lunch the next day and she agreed. The lunch was pleasant enough but nothing special. During the lunch, she said something interesting though. She said she'll take me to an ethnic festival but added that people would wonder if I'm her boyfriend. I thought that was a weird thing to say and have no idea if it means anything. When we finished, I suggested we go eat again and she sounded enthusiastic about it. However, when I called her to ask her to go eat that weekend, she said she was busy. I tried again the next week and got the same answer so I decided to cut my losses and move on. I didn't contact her at all for awhile. Then, out of the blue, she left a message saying that we needed to go eat and that she missed me. Now, this is weird because we've only met twice in person. I never really followed up on that and put the ball in her court by telling her to let me know if she ever wanted to go eat. Time passed and then she messaged me again saying she saw me in the parking lot and that she lost my number. We finally tried to arrange something before both of us graduated. We set a date but when that day came, she asked me to move it to another day. This conflicted with my schedule and so we had to cancel again. That was our last chance and so I told her to give me a call if she ever came to my area (I live in a different area 4 hours from where I went to school). Then, on graduation day, she left me a post on my Facebook saying that she saw me at the graduation and that "her heart ached a little bit." I have no idea what that even means... and it seems really weird for her to be posting something like that on social media... not even on private message. Therefore, I'm wondering if she was ever interested in me because she gave me a lot of mixed signals. In her defense, from what my mutual friend told me, she does seem like a really busy girl who was active on campus and all that stuff. What could I have done differently? Like I said, we're really far away from each other now and all of this is just water under the bridge. I want to take this as a learning experience for the future. Nothing you could've done differently really. Maybe the scheduling was just a no-go, maybe she never intended to really give you a chance, who knows. Good job trying.
coolheadal Posted September 28, 2013 Posted September 28, 2013 Her intent was more like causal fun time, then a real date. You can clearly see what she was doing. She's not ready for anything right now. But she does seem to be interested in you, but not what you really want, because of how her situation is. Either stay in a friend zone with here or be patient with her. But if you can't way then move on. This is not full time dating more like part-time or just hanging out whenever it suites her not you!
Author Frazzle Posted September 30, 2013 Author Posted September 30, 2013 I say she likes you and was testing you to see if you would really go after her. OTOH you did the right things asking her out and she never accepted (she was busy) and once you "moved on" she then chased you. Was she seeing someone else during this time? She looking for attention only? The Facebook comment was odd. She mentally stable? Socially inept? She seems to be pretty normal is popular socially so I'm not sure what the deal is.
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