Is it really outdated to speak with a girl's father?

[Kinley]

I've been dating my gf for almost 6 months, we're both 19 and have not yet met her father and don't think he is interested in knowing me either. I only know her mother and grandparents while my gf knows all my family members.

 

Anyway when we were going out on our 20th date or so, I decided to one time call her home phone and spoke to her father but he was very cutting. When I told him about how I was currently dating his daughter and thought about forming a relationship with her, that I really like her and wanted to to be her bf, he replied with an And what I have to do with this? Shouldn't you be asking her this? and then added She's not available, bye.

 

Both my mother and aunt were surprised when I told them this. In their time, my grandfather was super interested in know who they were dating, he would sit down with the guy and the both had a curfew. I guess in a way it's good that I don't have to do all that presentation but felt embarrassed for even wasting my time trying to introduce myself, only to get dismissed right away.

 

I recently told my gf and she had a weird look in her face. She told me that he never gets involve unless it has to do with life altering events. She has no curfew either.

[thefooloftheyear]

I've been dating my gf for almost 6 months, we're both 19 and have not yet met her father and don't think he is interested in knowing me either. I only know her mother and grandparents while my gf knows all my family members.

 

Anyway when we were going out on our 20th date or so, I decided to one time call her home phone and spoke to her father but he was very cutting. When I told him about how I was currently dating his daughter and thought about forming a relationship with her, that I really like her and wanted to to be her bf, he replied with an And what I have to do with this? Shouldn't you be asking her this? and then added She's not available, bye.

 

Both my mother and aunt were surprised when I told them this. In their time, my grandfather was super interested in know who they were dating, he would sit down with the guy and the both had a curfew. I guess in a way it's good that I don't have to do all that presentation but felt embarrassed for even wasting my time trying to introduce myself, only to get dismissed right away.

 

I recently told my gf and she had a weird look in her face. She told me that he never gets involve unless it has to do with life altering events. She has no curfew either.

 

Her father is a dope...plain and simple..You did the right thing.

 

As the protective father of a daughter that isnt of dating age yet, I think its a very mature and responsible thing to take that upon yourself. If you are an upstanding kid, then there wont be any issue.

 

At that age I would expect that I know who my daughter is dating- whether she/you likes it or not...If she moves out of the house then Id still like to know, but I wouldnt have any control over it. If I see or feel something isnt right, I am going to make my opinion known. If the guy is an azzhole, then I might even tell him to go fck away..I can be pretty scary looking..

 

 

 

Sorry, I am not letting my kid get hoodwinked by some jackass player type without some intervention. Aint happening under my watch..

 

TFY

[Kinley]

Thank you thefooloftheyear, you sound like an awesome father. Even for a guy, my parents were interested in meeting my gf and she's liked by them.

 

It's weird that a man would careless about who his daughter is dating or maybe there are certain fathers that are like, all absent-minded and ''whatever, she's already an adult'' types.

[thefooloftheyear]

Thank you thefooloftheyear, you sound like an awesome father. Even for a guy, my parents were interested in meeting my gf and she's liked by them.

 

It's weird that a man would careless about who his daughter is dating or maybe there are certain fathers that are like, all absent-minded and ''whatever, she's already an adult'' types.

 

 

Hes a moron....Im sorry..Kids forget that parents were once kids, too..

 

All I can say is that most of the girls that were stoners, drunks, got dragged out of car wrecks at 3AM or got handed around like a used up old car came from parents who had his attitude...Sure, there were exceptions, but that wasnt my experience..

 

You sound like a nice and respectful kid..I dont think I would have put you in a headlock!.....

 

Good luck, man..

 

TFY

[samsungxoxo]

That's quite a big assumption. The reason for her father's indifference towards the OP can also be due to the fact they're both young and more than likely he might not even be the man she'll get a proposal from later on.

 

Why bother trying to meet random strangers your child might break up and meet someone else? I think once the relationship gets serious and a man talks about proposing to his gf, that's when the father will more than likely start getting involved. I know mine would definitely would. He would not care much anymore if we're dating than he would if I were getting proposed to.

 

Maybe he is just thinking like I would ''Why bother, he's just a bf she'll probably break up at one point, get to the real talk and then we'll see from there''.

 

I can be going out on a date and that doesn't mean my father will talk to every single guy I'm hanging out with. I would feel like a handicapped and offended if a man had to even ask for my father's permission to go out with and be my bf. This isn't 1950 anymore.

Edited September 27, 2013 by samsungxoxo

[bubbaganoosh]

When my youngest daughter was in the ninth grade, she played in the high school band and I used to attend and watch her. I was a proud Dad.

 

One night I saw her sitting in the stands with the band and she yacking up storm with some kid next to her and, after a while I went to the refreshment stand and my ex wife was working there. Well the Ex and I are on good terms and I told her about my kid and this boy and I was informed that he was her boyfriend. She told me she met him and he's a really nice kid and she likes and trusts him. So after the game is over I went down to the school and waited for my daughter and when she cam out I gave her a hug and kiss and then asked who the kid was. She then told me about him and I asked if Mom had met him and she said that she did and she likes him. I then looked into my kids eyes and said "well I haven't so why don't you get him so I can meet him." Now my kid knows that I am a "chain yanker" so he was kind of nervous but she went and got him. He came out and she said "Dad, this is _____ and this is my "Father."

 

He extended his hand and I shook it and promptly asked him what his intentions with my daughter in a voice that was kind of stern but not mean. He then told me everything including his grade average, his intentions of going to college to be a chemist, that he goes to church and on and on and on. Finally I stopped him and my daughter came out of the hole that she dug because she knew what I was going to do and I walked away and I liked the kid. He's now my son in law and he's a good guy and she is very happy. He was an old fashioned kid and he was very respectful and I thought that he was a quality kid for being that way.

 

So maybe her Dad is a twit, but you showed manners and respect. Good for you.

[thefooloftheyear]

That's quite a big assumption. The reason for her father's indifference towards the OP can also be due to the fact they're both young and more than likely he might not even be the man she'll get a proposal from later on.

 

Why bother trying to meet random strangers your child might break up and meet someone else? I think once the relationship gets serious and a man talks about proposing to his gf, that's when the father will more than likely start getting involved. I know mine would definitely would. He would not care much anymore if we're dating than he would if I were getting proposed to.

 

Maybe he is just thinking like I would ''Why bother, he's just a bf she'll probably break up at one point, get to the real talk and then we'll see from there''.

 

I can be going out on a date and that doesn't mean my father will talk to every single guy I'm hanging out with. I would feel like a handicapped and offended if a man had to even ask for my father's permission to go out with and be my bf. This isn't 1950 anymore.

 

No fcking way.....

 

Sorry...Ive lived longer and know more about life than any teenager ever would...We all were there and we thought we knew everything about life..

 

If I had that type of attitude and she winds up in a box because the kid is a thug or a jackass how am I going to feel? Maybe I could have had some say..?? No curfew? Wrong...Want to have no curfew, then go and get your own place...Until then, parents need to set the rules..Talk to a cop...When it comes to kids. NOTHING good happens after, say..1 or 2 AM...Nothing.

 

Maybe parents gave more of a shyt about their kids in the 1950's.?..If they dont today, well thats a shame..Call me old fashioned..I want to know who my kid is hanging with...

 

I only have one kid(not that it matters), but I am going to do my best to make sure she is raised right..

 

TFY

Edited September 28, 2013 by thefooloftheyear

[Eggplant]

I personally would not call the parents of the man I was dating on my own. I would wait for him to decide he was ready to introduce me to his parents. If he's not ready to introduce me to his family, I don't press it (and I also take that into account when evaluating how serious he is about me). Similarly, I might be a little off-put if a man I was seeing suddenly decided that my parents should meet him, before I was ready to bring him back to them. You are in serious relationship with her, I gather... Did you tell her you wanted to meet her dad? Then she could have made the introduction. If his daughter had said, "Dad, this man is very special to me. I want you to meet him," maybe then you'd have a better angle.

[Tayla]

As young Adults , the Parents have to learn to let go with love. It sounds like the Father was doing just that. Minding his own business and trusting his daughters judgment in whom she dates.

 

Its mannerly for the boyfriend to create a social introduction. Beyond that though I do have to say...Most young adults dont want their parents intruding or getting to involved with their relations.

 

My sons knew when they were dating at young ages that I did not intrude , instead I let them set the pace for the introduction and the relationships were stable. Tongues must be held as a parent and must be spoken when harm may be involved, otherwise most parents are wise to keep a back seat to their young adult childrens relationships.

 

I see both sides and learned thru out the years....welcome the dates at arms length .

[thefooloftheyear]

As young Adults , the Parents have to learn to let go with love. It sounds like the Father was doing just that. Minding his own business and trusting his daughters judgment in whom she dates.

 

Its mannerly for the boyfriend to create a social introduction. Beyond that though I do have to say...Most young adults dont want their parents intruding or getting to involved with their relations.

 

My sons knew when they were dating at young ages that I did not intrude , instead I let them set the pace for the introduction and the relationships were stable. Tongues must be held as a parent and must be spoken when harm may be involved, otherwise most parents are wise to keep a back seat to their young adult childrens relationships.

 

I see both sides and learned thru out the years....welcome the dates at arms length .

 

This is clearly an area where a double standard exists. Girls dont get "vetted" the same way boys do..And rightfully so. There is much less of a risk...

 

What if you had a daughter that was dating a drug dealer and she didnt tell you until you had to bail her out of jail and hire a lawyer to get her out of trouble ? or an ex con with a rap sheet for domestic battery? You say you have to hold your tongue until harm is involved? Huh? So rather than being proactive and knowing who your kids are associating with, you decide to wait until the shyt hits the fan? Im not doing it..

 

Understand...No one is saying not give them the autonomy they want/need, but there is absolutely no reason to not be proactive and vigilant..

 

The OP is a stand up young man, and just like the other poster mentioned that when he met his current son in law, he didnt freak out or anything once he saw that the kid was a nice kid...Id be willing to bet that if he gave off the wrong impression that the poster in that case would have intervened in some way...

 

Its just the right thing to do as a parent..Kids(even good ones) sometiimes make bad judgements and some of these can resut in very serious consequences..When they get older and are out on their own, then you have relinquished some vigilance, but its still a good idea to voice an opinion if need be..If they trust and respect you, they will listen.

 

TFY

[happydate]

I've been dating my gf for almost 6 months, we're both 19 and have not yet met her father and don't think he is interested in knowing me either. I only know her mother and grandparents while my gf knows all my family members.

 

Anyway when we were going out on our 20th date or so, I decided to one time call her home phone and spoke to her father but he was very cutting. When I told him about how I was currently dating his daughter and thought about forming a relationship with her, that I really like her and wanted to to be her bf, he replied with an And what I have to do with this? Shouldn't you be asking her this? and then added She's not available, bye.

 

Both my mother and aunt were surprised when I told them this. In their time, my grandfather was super interested in know who they were dating, he would sit down with the guy and the both had a curfew. I guess in a way it's good that I don't have to do all that presentation but felt embarrassed for even wasting my time trying to introduce myself, only to get dismissed right away.

 

I recently told my gf and she had a weird look in her face. She told me that he never gets involve unless it has to do with life altering events. She has no curfew either.

 

A father with a daughter who is a GIGS will do exactly that. Are you sure your GF does not have a history of GIGS? Why bother to introduce and get to know you when you will be replaced possibly by a new guy? Personally I wouldn't worry about it. I would start worrying IF you guys dated for a long time and planning to marry.

 

My last few girlfriends were like that and I was wondering why I got the cold shoulders. Thankfully one of the dad told me frankly that he said this to me.

 

I hope you're going to last a little longer than her last boyfriends. I was surprised to hear this, but when I got dumped, then I started to realize why he was not even interested in me. He was actually doing me a favour by preventing my heart break -- I was ready for the last one though. If I am a dad and my daugther is a GIGS, I would become really tired meeting all her new temporary boyfriends too! The dad knows her daughter more than you ever will in such a short period of time.

Edited September 28, 2013 by happydate

[samsungxoxo]

Maybe parents gave more of a shyt about their kids in the 1950's.?..If they dont today, well thats a shame..Call me old fashioned..I want to know who my kid is hanging with...

 

I only have one kid(not that it matters), but I am going to do my best to make sure she is raised right..

 

TFY

It's great to hear you want to raise her right but I'm not sure why at the age of 26, I would still need permission from my father to go out on a date or have a bf.

 

I agree with the last poster who mentioned about how the OP's gf could possibly be a GIGS and it might not even be her first bf nor the last guy she's broken up with. It makes sense. Why would the father want to meet someone that will be replaced and will not be heard from again? Nowadays girls don't necessarily end up marrying the first guy that introduced himself to her family.

 

If I can't count how many guys I've gone out on a date in total, I think it's around 8-10. They definitely weren't guys I wanted to be serious with.

Edited September 28, 2013 by samsungxoxo

[thefooloftheyear]

It's great to hear you want to raise her right but I'm not sure why at the age of 26, I would still need permission from my father to go out on a date or have a bf.

 

I agree with the last poster who mentioned about how the OP's gf could possibly be a GIGS and it might not even be her first bf nor the last guy she's broken up with. It makes sense. Why would the father want to meet someone that will be replaced and will not be heard from again? Nowadays girls don't necessarily end up marrying the first guy that introduced himself to her family.

 

If I can't count how many guys I've gone out on a date in total, I think it's around 8-10. They definitely weren't guys I wanted to be serious with.

 

I dont know why this is so difficult....Its about courtesy and concern..Courtesy on the part of the kid and concern on the part of the parent. It has nothing to do with controlling behavior. I dont care of she is going to replace him or not..GIGS has nothing to do with it. It only takes one day/date to cause a life altering event that will change the persons life forever. Its just good to know. Period. They are your kids and its your responisibility-especially if they are living in your house.

 

Ill agree on that aspect..there is quite a bit of a difference between a 19 year old and a 26 year old.. If you are still living with your parents though, it might be a good practice to let them know who you are with..People you date are just strangers in the street..They arent your family and you dont always know what their intentions are..Again, its about communication and mutual respect, thats all.

 

If they are good parents they care and want to know..

 

TFY

[happydate]

I dont know why this is so difficult....Its about courtesy and concern..Courtesy on the part of the kid and concern on the part of the parent. It has nothing to do with controlling behavior. I dont care of she is going to replace him or not..GIGS has nothing to do with it. It only takes one day/date to cause a life altering event that will change the persons life forever. Its just good to know. Period. They are your kids and its your responisibility-especially if they are living in your house.

 

Ill agree on that aspect..there is quite a bit of a difference between a 19 year old and a 26 year old.. If you are still living with your parents though, it might be a good practice to let them know who you are with..People you date are just strangers in the street..They arent your family and you dont always know what their intentions are..Again, its about communication and mutual respect, thats all.

 

If they are good parents they care and want to know..

 

TFY

 

A child is an individual. It is NOT the property of this father of hers. The only thing is that is that the father is the biological parent of her. That is it. If someone feels that my daughter is my property and he is her father, that is a CONTROLLING issue. She is an individual with individual rights and freedom and free will to do whatever she likes to do.

[thefooloftheyear]

A child is an individual. It is NOT the property of this father of hers. The only thing is that is that the father is the biological parent of her. That is it. If someone feels that my daughter is my property and he is her father, that is a CONTROLLING issue. She is an individual with individual rights and freedom and free will to do whatever she likes to do.

 

Congratulations...What is the prize for the dumbest post of the year?

 

 

What an idiotic response..Calling a concerned parent controlling is just immature and dumb. Why dont you tell that to the parent of the kid that is in a coma from a drug OD...Or dead...

 

Yep....Just let them do whatever they want...Because according to you all parents are is sperm and egg donors..

 

Ive said all I can say about it...Im happy with how I operate..You all do whatever you want...My only advice for you is dont have kids..

 

 

TFY

Edited September 28, 2013 by thefooloftheyear

[TheGuard13]

There's a world of difference between the father making the effort to get to know you and your intentions, and you just outright calling him and stating it upfront. Upstanding or not, that's more than a little socially awkward.