Tomassi Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 I've joined this forum as I am in need of some serious advice regarding a recent break up. My now ex-girlfriend recently broke up with me, we were an incredibly happy couple and whilst I am not one for believing in 'the one.' I finally thought I had found someone I could settle with for the foreseeable future. A major change occurred in her life recently, one with which she has effectively had to carry the burden of. Following on from this change, which took place last week she has been incredibly distant. This week she then proceeded to break up with me, telling me she feels the need to be alone. She has since acted very cold and showed no emotions, despite the fact I have tried telling she isn't thinking straight and that other events in her life have clouded her judgment. She has gone on to make several very strange and very erratic statements: She told me she doesn't love me or want to be with me anymore, though when I asked she said 8 days before she would never have dreamed of saying this. She has told me she doesn't want me to be around to try and help her dealing with her problems and that she isn't struggling to deal with them. She has continued to ignore me and has offered me no real explanation despite the fact I have offered to walk away, I just need some closure and understanding of how it's all ended so suddenly. Effectively I'm beginning to worry she is becoming depressed. She is surrounded by friends who are effectively yes men. She says everything is fine and no questions are asked. She has no-one else in her life around her in terms of family any more and I am worried that perhaps she has pushed me out because she knows she can't hide how she really feels from me. She continues to act cold and it's just not normal considering the huge changes her life has gone through. I have come to accept that perhaps she will remain adamant on not wanting to be with me but I am worried for her in general. She is all over the place and I'm worried that if I don't fight for her and help her face her problems she may well just crash and burn in the near future. She's clearly not dealing with things and I feel I am part of the solution, not the problem. But if there is literally no-way of getting through to her, do I just walk away and let that happen? Knowing that at least I tried.
Philosoraptor Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 First, she's not yours to save. If she wants to be alone all you can do is respect it and move on with your own life. What was this big change? That's a big piece of information left out and it's impossible to give anything but vague advice without it.
Author Tomassi Posted September 27, 2013 Author Posted September 27, 2013 A family member of hers has committed a crime against her, the end result was a prison sentence and I feel like she is blaming herself for everything. You're correct in the fact that she is not mine to save however I genuinely feel that unless someone tries to get her to talk she will go into a meltdown. Regardless of everything as someone who loves her I don't want to see this happen. Perhaps I am in denial and perhaps she doesn't love me anymore, but it's all to coincidental in my opinion. To finish with someone a few days after such a huge event, the only person really left close to her seems crazy and a tad self destructive.
Ansem Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 If this "family event" is as serious as I imagine it to be then there is nothing you can do. The best piece of advice would be to find someone she will listen to/reason with and get her to see a psychiatrist about her problems.
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