Fugee Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 so my ex contacted me because she wanted her things back. i got pretty upset with some of the things she said and sent her this text.."first off stop talking to me like i'm one of your students. contacting me after a month after we had that argument, i've been in so much pain from what you said, now you're acting like nothing happened? you are the one using emotional blackmail, not me." she responded by saying things like "you haven't grown up, you're crazy. i'm reaching out platonically. you don't care that i'm hurting too. i never threatened you, i was telling you my plan to break up. i used nothing to be manipulative, so since you're still acting out, forget ever seeing me again, and forget you, i regret thinking you could cooperate." she says i blackmailed her into staying or else i'd kill myself. this is bs, i told her that when she wanted to break up, i'd just be depressed and had a history with suicidal thoughts. the truth is she stayed with me on her own terms, because she cared about me, and wanted to work it out. i never forced her like that. i don't know why she twists things up like that. i told her "i'm willing to cooperate with you if you just gave me time to gather my emotions..." i want to talk to her, and try to clear things up. how should i handle this?
Philosoraptor Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 Let her take her things back and move on. Better yet, pack them up and have a friend deliver them or just drop them on her doorstep. This is not a healthy dynamic and you'd be best to sever all ties. 2
JDPT Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 She clearly has this whole situation by the balls because you are simply allowing it. It appears that she is the one that likes to address you in a very condescending manner. Take your time to sort out your emotions, you need to do this for you. And if she isn't willing to stick around for something as imperative as this than quiet honestly this moment was inevitable. In other words, she is only willing to stick around when it's sunny and not when us gloomy, eerie, and rainy. 3
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 so my ex contacted me because she wanted her things back. i got pretty upset with some of the things she said and sent her this text.."first off stop talking to me like i'm one of your students. contacting me after a month after we had that argument, i've been in so much pain from what you said, now you're acting like nothing happened? you are the one using emotional blackmail, not me." she responded by saying things like "you haven't grown up, you're crazy. i'm reaching out platonically. you don't care that i'm hurting too. i never threatened you, i was telling you my plan to break up. i used nothing to be manipulative, so since you're still acting out, forget ever seeing me again, and forget you, i regret thinking you could cooperate." she says i blackmailed her into staying or else i'd kill myself. this is bs, i told her that when she wanted to break up, i'd just be depressed and had a history with suicidal thoughts. the truth is she stayed with me on her own terms, because she cared about me, and wanted to work it out. i never forced her like that. i don't know why she twists things up like that. i told her "i'm willing to cooperate with you if you just gave me time to gather my emotions..." i want to talk to her, and try to clear things up. how should i handle this? Philo pretty much has it on the money here. I'd pack up her stuff and let a friend drop it off. What she is doing right now is reversing the blame onto you and making you look like the bad guy so she feels justified for breaking up with you. She has probably wanted to do this for awhile but never pulled the trigger. There are better things out there man. Give her the crap she wants and go no contact. I would definatly stay away from saying anything about how she hurt you or how you're willing to do anything type talk because it makes you look like a doormat. Keep strong. 1
lindsay1990 Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 Philo pretty much has it on the money here. I'd pack up her stuff and let a friend drop it off. What she is doing right now is reversing the blame onto you and making you look like the bad guy so she feels justified for breaking up with you. She has probably wanted to do this for awhile but never pulled the trigger. There are better things out there man. Give her the crap she wants and go no contact. I would definatly stay away from saying anything about how she hurt you or how you're willing to do anything type talk because it makes you look like a doormat. Keep strong. I agree with this. 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 ^^ Yup. Blame shifting and villainizing. Classic behavior. Complete BS!!
Author Fugee Posted September 27, 2013 Author Posted September 27, 2013 so i shouldn't beat myself up and feel guilty? she's the one who brought out my depression. i was told about women who are 'Professional Victims." Urban Dictionary: professional victim would you say this is her??
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 so i shouldn't beat myself up and feel guilty? she's the one who brought out my depression. i was told about women who are 'Professional Victims." Urban Dictionary: professional victim would you say this is her?? Don't try and read into anything too much. All that's going to do is create more questions without any answers and drive you mad. Focus on the what's important which is you. She made her decision, and now its time to work on you. Go out with friends, get a big streak, whatever makes you happy: DO IT.
Author Fugee Posted September 28, 2013 Author Posted September 28, 2013 when i ever use no contact, she always finds an excuse to reach me. i told her straight up yesterday, i'm using no contact to heal, then she stop responding. i'm going have a talk with her regarding her thing in 2 weeks, when i'm ready and calm to do so.
coolheadal Posted September 28, 2013 Posted September 28, 2013 Sounds like she doesn't want to let you go yet off her leash yet. This type of women you just don't need unless it's okay with you. Her nonsense is a simple one. But somehow you allow her nonsense to get a grip on you still. NC doesn't always work. My EX tried to get me when she could talk from her job, to her SUV then all the way back to her new Condo while still had me on the phone that was like 4 to 6 hrs. I know bad move but it was interesting how she missed me. Haven't spoken to her since. NC means NC so she can't even call since I have changed my cell number, cell service and phone. Women that are like yours and mine was will try to reach out to you and like to control you. NC was there for reason.
Author Fugee Posted September 28, 2013 Author Posted September 28, 2013 Sounds like she doesn't want to let you go yet off her leash yet. This type of women you just don't need unless it's okay with you. Her nonsense is a simple one. But somehow you allow her nonsense to get a grip on you still. NC doesn't always work. My EX tried to get me when she could talk from her job, to her SUV then all the way back to her new Condo while still had me on the phone that was like 4 to 6 hrs. I know bad move but it was interesting how she missed me. Haven't spoken to her since. NC means NC so she can't even call since I have changed my cell number, cell service and phone. Women that are like yours and mine was will try to reach out to you and like to control you. NC was there for reason. sounds wayyyyy too familiar, my girl would call me on her drive home for work and we would stay on the phone for hours, arguing while she sat on the phone in her garage.
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