andy1981 Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 I had been single for quite a while after making a promise to myself never to let anyone get close to me after being hurt in the past. This was working out great for a while, but, I joined an OLD site and met someone....who lives half way around the world. Initially it was simply chatting, but as time went on I found I really liked her. The thing thats getting to me now is that after months of spending hours and hours chatting, Ive fallen for her hard. I know she feels the same but my problem is this....how do you deal with all these emotions at once? Im 32 so not new to dating or anything, but this feeling is very much new to me and has really knocked me sideways. Ive tried to be rational about the situation....but that hasnt worked. She is coming to see me next month and we have already planned numerous visits to see each other, sometimes for weeks on end with a view to her moving here. How do I switch of the negative feelings of falling for someone? Im terrified of getting hurt, letting her get too close...... Should I just call it a day now before anyone gets hurt??
CherryT Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 You can't ever protect yourself from never getting hurt again. If that's the case, you better have a 1/1 shot with the next relationship you get in. I understand why you're being guarded. I was too when my ex and I broke up. But eventually, I knew what would make me happy is to be in a healthy, loving relationship. It was going to take some time and some work to find that person. I wanted a relationship and I didn't want to be single anymore but I wasn't willing to just give my heart to anyone. I had been on dates with a number of men prior to my fiance. But for whatever reason, maybe there wasn't a connection or maybe I was afraid, it never lasted long. Then I met my fiance... from the beginning we knew we would be long distance. But everything lined up... who he was as a person, what he wanted in a relationship, how he treated the people he cared about, etc all connected with me. I was afraid of letting my guard down and getting hurt because there were a lot of negative people saying long distance never works. But there was something about him and about us that just made me feel it was worthwhile to try. Fast forward a few years.. we're engaged, closing the distance, and getting married. I am happy I took that leap of faith because I could've missed out on something so wonderful. And even if it didn't work out, I wouldn't regret having experienced even half of what I have experienced with him. If you truly feel a connection and there isn't something that is giving you red flags and making you want to bolt, I say give it a shot. Ending it before it starts will guarantee you of losing someone you feel connected to. Is it worth the risk of potentially finding someone who is a truly good companion to you? Would it hurt in the long run being alone when you made a connection with someone? I've self sabotaged myself and relationships in the past because I was afraid. I'm very glad I didn't do that this time... you just have to identify if there are real reasons why you feel it's a lost cause or if you're just self sabotaging yourself.
emi Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 You will fall inlove again no matter how much you try to stop it. All of us will go through things like that. I think you just need to be happy to pick her up at the airpot. Its comming very soon. And see how thing turn out. Who know maybe that the person you met online can totally change your life and make you regret with the thought '' i will never fall inlove again''
FitChick Posted September 28, 2013 Posted September 28, 2013 You need to check out your country's immigration policy if she will be moving there. Might not be so easy. Unless you plan to get married.
Author andy1981 Posted September 28, 2013 Author Posted September 28, 2013 Thanks CherryT, I know its that instinct of self preservation that is giving me these doubts, nothing else. Even thinking about things long and hard there are absolutely zero red flags with this girl - apart from the distance and that can be overcome. I know I need to just let go and see what happens as I know I will be wondering "what if" for the rest of my life if I dont. @ Emi - couldnt agree more. Ive tried my hardest not to fall for this girl but nothing could have stopped me....as cheesy as this sounds there is a huge element of fate with this. @Fitchick - We have both been looking into this already. There could be visa issues as we can only get visas to each others country 4 times a year each....so seeing what happens over the next few months will decide on how we tackle this. x
FitChick Posted September 28, 2013 Posted September 28, 2013 Every time you are together document it with photos of the two of you in different places. Have strangers take pics if you have to. Easy to do in a tourist spot. You will need them later if you decide to get married. I do that even now just meeting someone in whom I have no serious interest, just in case!
Author andy1981 Posted September 28, 2013 Author Posted September 28, 2013 Every time you are together document it with photos of the two of you in different places. Have strangers take pics if you have to. Easy to do in a tourist spot. You will need them later if you decide to get married. I do that even now just meeting someone in whom I have no serious interest, just in case! Good thinking batman! I was planning on keeping all travel documents too, just in case they are needed in the future 1
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