mimimo Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 Posting this on behalf of a friend who is also going through a rough time.. Any input is appreciated.. 3yrs ago, while we were still in our early 20s.. I broke up with my bf for another guy. I guess I got tired of leading this relationship. I shattered his heart when I left. And he was bound for training overseas. Gf left and he had to be alone overseas with constant training pressure. It was hell for him. He deleted me off facebook. I used to check up on him before he deleted me. At that time, there wasn’t instagram or twitter so we basically cut off all contact with each other. When he was overseas, I texted him for his address and sent him a care package. We started texting for a while, but I could tell he was still angry over the way we broke up. So, we stopped all contact again. A couple of months later, he flew back and I saw him in a club and we chatted physically for a while. We kissed and he was still telling me he missed me dearly. We met up for a movie and dinner, he introduced me to his friends in the club and all that. But I was still with the other guy at the time, so we didn’t keep in contact after that. I heard rumors about him being a womanizer (he’s very good looking) and sleeping around. He told me there were many wooing him while we were chatting. So I guessed that part is true. But what disturbed me.. a friend told me that those chats we had while he was overseas.. that person I was chatting with WASN’T him. He actually passed the phone to his friends and they were making a fool out of me. I guess he was still very very pissed with me.. But right now, 3 yrs later.. I am thinking of trying it out with him again. He changed, I changed. I had gotten out of 2 relationships since then. We could make it work this time.. Problem is..He just got into a serious relationship. I saw pictures on his instagram and I heard friends telling me the new gf is a very sweet girl. How do I even start a conversation with him now? Should I even try to get him back?
Misfortune Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 Posting this on behalf of a friend who is also going through a rough time.. Any input is appreciated.. 3yrs ago, while we were still in our early 20s.. I broke up with my bf for another guy. I guess I got tired of leading this relationship. I shattered his heart when I left. And he was bound for training overseas. Gf left and he had to be alone overseas with constant training pressure. It was hell for him. He deleted me off facebook. I used to check up on him before he deleted me. At that time, there wasn’t instagram or twitter so we basically cut off all contact with each other. When he was overseas, I texted him for his address and sent him a care package. We started texting for a while, but I could tell he was still angry over the way we broke up. So, we stopped all contact again. A couple of months later, he flew back and I saw him in a club and we chatted physically for a while. We kissed and he was still telling me he missed me dearly. We met up for a movie and dinner, he introduced me to his friends in the club and all that. But I was still with the other guy at the time, so we didn’t keep in contact after that. I heard rumors about him being a womanizer (he’s very good looking) and sleeping around. He told me there were many wooing him while we were chatting. So I guessed that part is true. But what disturbed me.. a friend told me that those chats we had while he was overseas.. that person I was chatting with WASN’T him. He actually passed the phone to his friends and they were making a fool out of me. I guess he was still very very pissed with me.. But right now, 3 yrs later.. I am thinking of trying it out with him again. He changed, I changed. I had gotten out of 2 relationships since then. We could make it work this time.. Problem is..He just got into a serious relationship. I saw pictures on his instagram and I heard friends telling me the new gf is a very sweet girl. How do I even start a conversation with him now? Should I even try to get him back? I was going to say it doesn't hurt to try after 3 years until I saw the bolded sentence. You broke his heart, don't add to his already bad perception of you by intervening in his relationship for your gain. If he was single, sure. He probably became a womanizer and let his friends mess with you for to protect his heart. He probably enjoyed being in control of the direction of the relationships so he could be sure that his heart wouldn't be broken again and he wouldn't be left again.
conf Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 How sure you are that this relationship is so serious? It has just started as you said. I have not been in similar situation, so maybe i dont have the experience and as a result i may give you a bad advice. First of all, you must be sure if you want him and why do you want him. It is not fair to play with his emotions and wanting him back only because you feel alone. In addition you must be willing to put more effort due to the damaged trust. If you are sure about what you want, I think you must express your feelings and let him know that you made a mistake and want him back again. Also you must show him with your actions that you want him and that he is not just an option but your choice. The possible outcomes are either he feels the same and you try again or he does not want to invest in a relationship with you. In the last case you must respect his decision and move on. Finally i would add that, whatever the outcome, from this experience you must learn how to appreciate the goods you have and dont leave them for something new and exciting but in the long run less valuable. (you said that you were on your early 20's and i suspect that you may regret making an immature decision) Good luck with this
Mariposa10 Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 He's in a relationship, there's nothing you can do....Sorry. This is a very interesting post, it's interested because you were the dumper, so I have a couple of questions. First, why did you keep contacting him when you broke his heart? Second, could you talk a little bit your rebound relationship? Third, when you saw him at the club, why didn't you break up with the rebound and try to have a relationship with you ex? Thanks, good luck!
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