skarleta Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 My sister has been dating an American guy with Chinese ancestry. She is 51 and he is 46. She has 3 adult children and he has none. They have been dating for almost 2 years and although he treats her well, he has some strage behaviors. He is a fireman, yet he is heading out of town for special training every 6 weeks. Once he said he was going away and could not be contacted because he was on a "survivor" trainig camp in which they can't use phones and recently he told her that he is going to Argentina for training. What is up?
KatZee Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 Soooo...knowing a few firemen and having dated a fireman I have never heard any of them say they go out of town every 6 weeks for training. A LOT of firemen cheat. One I know is married and he still trolls bars for hookups. They know they are desired by so many women and it often goes to their heads. Going away and not being able to contact her is crap. Any fireman who is married will find at least 5 minutes to check in at the end of the night or between calls. Firefighter shifts can vary: either 24 hrs, 72 hrs straight... But I've never heard of "survival training camp in Argentina" for American firefighters. This whole thing sounds so outrageously far fetched. Is he a real fireman? 1
Philosoraptor Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 Has he done anything else to make it seem that he's not trustworthy? Has she asked to join him during his training and get a hotel or something near by? But going all the way to Argentina for training sounds quite fishy.
KatZee Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 (edited) It honestly sounds like he has two lives going on simultaneously. Your friend just accepts the fact that he leaves every six weeks with no questions asked. I'm willing to bet he has another naive woman somewhere also believing that he goes away for training every six weeks. And a trip to Argentina just gives him the perfect opportunity to take this woman on a vacation or something Without your friend even questioning him at all. Quite convenient that she is unable to even contact him. Not to mention the station house needs their firemen available to go on-call they're not going to send them out of the country. Argentinian survival training camp? What is this, the zombie apocalypse? Edited September 27, 2013 by KatZee 4
Author skarleta Posted September 27, 2013 Author Posted September 27, 2013 Thank you very much for your input. You make a lot of sense and I am glad to hear from someone who has dated firemen before.
soccerrprp Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 All signs of a man living a double life. Who in the world goes all the way to Argentine for training when the best training in the world is right here in the USA?! There are very few, if any that have a budget to send firemen abroad for training let alone training every 6-weeks. Such frequency is way over-done and unnecessary it seems to me. I suspect double life. I hope I'm wrong. 1
clia Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 In the two years she's been dating him, has she met any of his coworkers and their significant others? It seems that would be a good way to find out about this special training, because surely he isn't the only one going, if it is happening. Which I doubt. I agree it sounds like he's living a double life. Also...what does his Chinese ancestry have to do with anything?
KatZee Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 That's a good point. Has she ever been to his firehouse? Met his station buddies? Has she accompanied him to house events like picnics or cook offs or dinners with other fire girlfriends/wives? If none of this is happening she's just a piece on the side. This guy may even be MARRIED and she may not know it. You say he "goes for training every 6 weeks." Aside from that "training" how frequently do they see each other? Once a week? Few times a week?
KatZee Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 Not to mention, when firemen have to go and train, they are sent to designated areas (LOCALLY) where they light crap on fire. Cars, buildings, etc. Then the firemen train to put the fires out, they train in the use of hydraulic rescue tools... they don't do jungle survival training.
KatZee Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 Not to mention, when firemen have to go and train, they are sent to designated areas (LOCALLY) where they light crap on fire. Cars, buildings, etc. Then the firemen train to put the fires out, they train in the use of hydraulic rescue tools... they don't do jungle survival training. I'm kind of confused how your friend hasn't questioned this before. I mean, dating for 2 years? And she buys this story about Argentina and jungles? I dated a fireman for mere months and I know the in's and out's now.
Author skarleta Posted September 27, 2013 Author Posted September 27, 2013 She is naive, but she is also desperate to believe in him. She has been to about 3 events where other firemen were with their wives. There are some things about the guy that seem normal and then there are these red flags. The reason I mentioned that he is Chinese is because I was wondering if there could be some families who would oppose to he dating outside his race. He will sometimes put her up in a motel and will join her for hours but then leaves for two hours to check in on his sick mother who she has never met and who lives with him. He then returns to the motel to spend the night. He gets away for 24 hours at the most and then goes away and comes back.
Author skarleta Posted September 27, 2013 Author Posted September 27, 2013 The reason I mention that he is Chinese is because when telling these details to a Latino friend of mine he said that he thinks that a traditional Chinese family would frown upon he dating outside his race and that this could be a reason that he is hiding her from his mother, ect.
2sunny Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 She is naive, but she is also desperate to believe in him. She has been to about 3 events where other firemen were with their wives. There are some things about the guy that seem normal and then there are these red flags. The reason I mentioned that he is Chinese is because I was wondering if there could be some families who would oppose to he dating outside his race. He will sometimes put her up in a motel and will join her for hours but then leaves for two hours to check in on his sick mother who she has never met and who lives with him. He then returns to the motel to spend the night. He gets away for 24 hours at the most and then goes away and comes back. If your sister is going along with this charade - that's her business. Why are you involved in assessing her life?
Author skarleta Posted September 27, 2013 Author Posted September 27, 2013 Oh "sick mother who lives with her" [whom she hasn't seen], there we go! This is also known as "my house is messy, you can't come in yet" "i have a suicidal roommate and her family is not cool with guys staying over" "i have a reason to disappear and you can't know about it." Oh man. So easy to see these things now, once you've gone through one. I know I shouldn't, but I am laughing.....
Author skarleta Posted September 27, 2013 Author Posted September 27, 2013 If your sister is going along with this charade - that's her business. Why are you involved in assessing her life? Because I care. Its that old fashioned thing that families used to do.
KatZee Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 Chinese, not Chinese, fireman or no fireman. He's definitely hiding a double life. If she's so desperate to believe him, then that's her problem. Nothing more you can do.
Author skarleta Posted September 27, 2013 Author Posted September 27, 2013 Many cultures remain attached to their families no matter what age they are. I live in a largely middle eastern area, and believe me, most of them will not marry outside their culture. They will string along other nationalities, but will only be true to their own, and they care very much what their mothers think. If their mother does not approve, then its basically over. I believe that a traditional Chinese family would have similar reservations about not only dating outside the race, but being involved with an older woman who cannot give him children.
KatZee Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 Many cultures remain attached to their families no matter what age they are. I live in a largely middle eastern area, and believe me, most of them will not marry outside their culture. They will string along other nationalities, but will only be true to their own, and they care very much what their mothers think. If their mother does not approve, then its basically over. I believe that a traditional Chinese family would have similar reservations about not only dating outside the race, but being involved with an older woman who cannot give him children. You can rationalize it all you want. But at the end of the day, I'm about 95% sure this guy isn't traditionally Asian, he's just a liar. If his family is traditionally Chinese, he wouldn't need to make up stories about being in fireman training every 6 weeks. He wouldn't need to invent lies about going to Argentina and saying she can't contact him. He is strategically making sure that he sees her periodically and then has stories for the time he's most likely with someone else.
soccerrprp Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 Many cultures remain attached to their families no matter what age they are. I live in a largely middle eastern area, and believe me, most of them will not marry outside their culture. They will string along other nationalities, but will only be true to their own, and they care very much what their mothers think. If their mother does not approve, then its basically over. I believe that a traditional Chinese family would have similar reservations about not only dating outside the race, but being involved with an older woman who cannot give him children. Then he's simply a liar. Still, time for your friend to move on or challenge him on his peculiar behavior/actions.
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