chasxy Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 She broke up with me after almost a year of dating because she said she never loved me. I was hurt and tried to get her back at the time, but she said she no. She said we could remain friends, but it seemed like she wanted this on her terms. For example, I could feel free to call her for coffee sometime, but when I asked her if she would ever call me, she said her life was "too full." I was stunned and hurt, but I wanted to keep things civil because we are in the same circle. I was also holding out hope that she would maybe come around in time. Months of NC passed and then I started seeing her at some social funtions. It was awkward, but civil at first. Then a month passed when I saw her again. This time she turned ice cold on me, even rude. I later heard that her friends told her I was dating someone. I was not, but I did go on dates and was seen socializing with other women. But, so what? My ex dumped and if I knew there was a chance in hell she would come back, I would not have dated anyone else. But, I did not want to make the first because she dumped me and because she told me she was used to guys, even exes who were now married, chasing her. I did not want to continue feeding her ego and be like those guys. After she was cold to me, I continued to take the high road and would smile/say hello (but never approach her again to make chitchat). She also told one of my friends that I was "too nice", whatever the hell that means. While lately she does smile/say hello back, I feel it's kind of fake and silly how we give each other these plastic smiles and I have to act like she is an old pal while she is anything but. She was also cold to a mutual friend because he is now friendlier with me than he is with her. Should I continue to take this (fake) high road, or should I simply ignore her going forward. Perhaps give a curt nod with no smile. I know this may come across as immature, but I hate being so fake. She and I clearly do not like each other and resent each other.
lindsay1990 Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 She has no right to be upset at you for seeing or pursuing other people. When it's over, it's over. My impression is that this girl likes the drama. If, as you say, she enjoys being chased by her now married exes, she probably expected to have some sort of blurred boundaries dynamic with you once it was "over". Don't be fake. Just follow her lead, or do what you feel you should do in the moment. You seem to be at an okay place where you do not want to be rude, so maybe thinking it like this can be helpful: being polite is not being face, it is you showing this pitiful person that you are decent and don't play games. Unlike her, if that is the case. I say if it is the case because it is possible that she doesn't know how to act with you either, and maybe her own nerves and awkwardness come off as cold. Anything is possible so you just focus on being a polite, decent person towards all - and this is not fake. good luck. 2
Sugarkane Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 I find it funny when dumpers react bad when the dumpee might be seeing others. What did they expect? You are broken up!
Author chasxy Posted September 27, 2013 Author Posted September 27, 2013 Thanks for the response. I will give her the benefit of the doubt that this is awkward for her, too. I'll continue to give a quick hello/smile and nothing else. Of course, if she seems first and says/does nothing, I will reciprocate.
Author chasxy Posted September 27, 2013 Author Posted September 27, 2013 Yes, I don't get it....I guess this does happen?
harrybrown Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 Go NC with her. Get her out of your head, and move on. 1
KCCK Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 out of courtesy and as a gentleman, just smile... dont talk, dont start a conversation, do nothing... just a smile if bump into one another. if she reply the smile than just walk pass her, if she doesnt reply the smile, just walk pass her also... if she wanted to talk, it depends on you but better don't start a conversation unless you are already all over her and had move on... focus on more important things in your life...
Author chasxy Posted September 28, 2013 Author Posted September 28, 2013 Yes, thanks, KCCK, that seems to be the best course of action and one that I have been implementing. One time I spotted her out of the corner of my eye looking at me. I know she would have kept walking without saying hello had I not flashed a smile and said hello first. Harrybrown, I did go NC with her and it helped somewhat. However, like I said before, we are in the same social circle. So, either I leave the circle, thereby handing her the ultimate victory, or deal with her in way that does not betray any bitterness on my part. No one said this would be easy!!
Author chasxy Posted September 28, 2013 Author Posted September 28, 2013 Nevertheless, I am hurt by how things turned out. In the absence of her coming back to me and making things up to me, I wish she would go away. But, of course, this is not an option. I know I was not the perfect boyfriend, but I hate being nice to someone who clearly resents me, and to whom I now I know feel also feel resentment despite my better conscience.
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