Fentoozler Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 To be concise, I told my boyfriend I had a boyfriend and one past partner before we started dating. A year in, he still doesn't know that truth that he is my first boyfriend and first partner. Background: A year ago when we started dating I was 18 and he was 20. I didn't date around in high school, and he on the other hand lost his virginity young and is experienced. I had no shame for being an 18 year old virgin. I just didn't find myself compatible with any guys and was always too scared of rejection to try to intimate a relationship. I did about everything except have sex with older guys in highschool but nothing more and nothing romantic. Now I'm what some say young and in love. I've always been mature for my age and this relationship is serious. He has treated me better than I thought possible, we have a great healthy relationship and sex life, and we are not even considering a future together. When I first met him I never thought we would be together for the long term. He has hooked up with two girls before we were anything more than acquaintances. After he engaged to a girl he knocked up at 18, where she cheated on him twice, miscarriage, and they had a miscarriage, he said he had a lot of hookups. He even poked fun at mutual friends before we were dating for being virgins or not getting any in months. I didn't want to be treated different because I was a virgin. I wasn't religious and didn't put sex on a pedestal. I just don't believe on casual sex and hadn't found anyone, being a virgin at 18 is normal I know but I didn't want my boyfriend at the time to lose enthusiasm because he didn't want to deal with someone who was inexperienced or so unlike him. So a year later I find myself in a good relationship but discontent with the person I am. I am dishonest in general and this single lie in my relationship is something I can come clean about. He loves me and will forgive me On the other hand, I have little to no friends and have issues as it is. What if telling him makes me lose him? Either as a direct result or as a result down the line after he inevitable loses trust in me? If I lose him I will be devastated. A part of me feels as if I don't completely open up to him sometimes because I'm not completely honest. So my questions... Is the past the past in relationships? Is the now and future.what's important? Or are there no secrets in the relationship?
Carenth Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 He doesn't care about your "past" relationship right? He shouldn't and it doesn't really matter in the greater picture of things. I wouldn't lie to my partner like that personally however. What you need to focus on is your relationship now. Your past relationships real or fake are not really relevant. Though I wouldn't recommend making this a habit of lying about your past. You could come clean if it's eating away at you that much I don't know what that would really achieve though other than maybe making you feel better.
NoMoreJerks Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 I don't understand why you went out of your way to lie about it not being a virgin??? And won't he find out eventually? Have you never had sex? (Sorry, I just skimmed the post real fast, I might've missed some details). I had to tell my first partner that I was a virgin. I was too nervous and knew it was going to be painful to lose my virginity, and I told him when we got back to my place to have sex, the third night that we were out together. He didn't mind it. The new guy I'm dating, the first time we had sex, I told him I had only ever had one boyfriend, that I'd lost my virginity to him at 29. I don't care if he's gonna judge me for that... what's the point in lying?
bubbaganoosh Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 I don't know why the subject of "past experience," how many guys/girls her or she has been with. I always went on the assumption that if you had a past relationship before, then there's a pretty good chance that you had sex with them so what would be accomplished by bringing it up. You can't do anything about the past anyhow.
Author Fentoozler Posted September 27, 2013 Author Posted September 27, 2013 Because I know I write novels, yes, we have had sex probably because he didn't think I was a virgin and I was.ready to get laid, we has sex less than a month in... Oral within a week. If I could take back the lies knowing what I know now I would, but I see so many guys treating virgins differently and I didn't want to put up with that. And yes, coming clean will give me some peace of mind but would it not make the relationship better or more pure? Aren't "soul mates" supposed to not have lies? Wouldn't he appreciate me being honest?
Author Fentoozler Posted September 27, 2013 Author Posted September 27, 2013 And he asked me point blank and likes to share his past, almost too much. Avoiding the topic all together would have been my preference but not an option with him asking me directly. That's not the issue. The issue is that I lied and have continued harmless white lies along the way when needed because what started as me not wanting to be judged for something stupid became a series of lies. And now I want to know the right thing to do. I know I could have done much worse-lied about something that happened during our relationship or even cheat- but I still feel guilty. He has never lied to me of my knowledge.
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