Mike400 Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 My girlfriend had an online friend, a guy, for a number of years before we started dating. When we started dating, I told her I was not comfortable with being with someone who messaged men who she doesn't really know. Six months into our relationship, she told me I could take a look at her Facebook account so I did. She and this guy had been messaging about meeting for five months into our relationship, and he lives halfway across the country, we was going to fly here to meet her. She says it was only going to be as friends, but I could tell from the messages he had a lot more planned than coffee. He would ask when was a good time to come see her and she would reply with, "I have to check my work schedule", but eventually he stopped asking. He did know she was seeing someone, but she never brought it up in the chat. What should I think about this? I don't want to over-react, but I feel like I should kick her to the curb.
Author Mike400 Posted September 27, 2013 Author Posted September 27, 2013 For being friends with a guy?... for not telling me she was going to meet with a guy who had other intentions.
heartshaped Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 Maybe I read things differently, but imo, the whole "I have to check my work schedule" thing is a brush off. Perhaps she should have been firm with him and said, "I don't think that's appropriate as I'm in a relationship", but I'm guessing she values him as a friend and didn't want to hurt his feelings. Do you believe her when she says she only views him as a friend or do you feel like there's more to it?
SincereOnlineGuy Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 My girlfriend had an online friend, a guy, for a number of years before we started dating. When we started dating, I told her I was not comfortable with being with someone who messaged men who she doesn't really know. Six months into our relationship, she told me I could take a look at her Facebook account so I did. She and this guy had been messaging about meeting for five months into our relationship, and he lives halfway across the country, we was going to fly here to meet her. She says it was only going to be as friends, but I could tell from the messages he had a lot more planned than coffee. He would ask when was a good time to come see her and she would reply with, "I have to check my work schedule", but eventually he stopped asking. He did know she was seeing someone, but she never brought it up in the chat. What should I think about this? I don't want to over-react, but I feel like I should kick her to the curb. Clearly the guy's interest was to bang her... but that alone doesn't reveal her own interest. The part about your being uncomfortable being with someone who "messages men she doesn't really know" is blatantly unfair. Consider the vast realm of the internet today, and that there are millions of permutations of scenarios where males and (gasp) females message one another despite having never met. Probably fair to say that most such messages are innocent in the eyes and minds of the females involved in them. If, suddenly, every woman in your area who presently messages men online who they've never met, were to fall off the face of your earth - you'd be terminally single. Were your girlfriend talking about flying to his location to meet him, that would be a whole different story. As we don't know if you live in Peoria, Illinois, or Hollywood, CA... we can't discern the possibilities of this guy's having had other reasons to be in the area. And if they have been online friends for "a number of years" then you are probably wrong in threatening their friendship until it threatens your relationship. You should probably "kick her to the curb" rather than merely continuing to arm her with reasons for kicking you to the curb.
CC12 Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 for not telling me she was going to meet with a guy who had other intentions. Was she really planning on meeting him, though? Sounds like he got the hint and stopped asking to meet after she repeatedly blew him off. Also, his intentions matter very little. Her intentions are what you should focus on. Do you think she would cheat on you? If yes, break up.
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