MissingHerBad Posted November 27, 2004 Share Posted November 27, 2004 Its been almost 2 months since we broke up. I have been trying no contact on and off and then last week I found out that she was dating someone new. It has now been 1 full week of no contact. Thismorning I feel really week. I would do anything to get back in this girls life. I feel like going to her house with two tickets somewhere and saying fly away with me. What do I do? I have tried everything, even going out with new people, reading about relationships, posting on here. I changed my whole life around for her and I dont feel she understands the extent of my feelings. I posted earlier in the week saying that I was going to write her just telling her what I have done and how I have changed, I wrote it but never sent it. Can anybody help me. I have been on here almost everyday for 60 days and still wanna cry Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted November 27, 2004 Share Posted November 27, 2004 Sorry you're still feeling so badly.. I know you're really hurting.. and unfortunately there isn't anything magical I can tell you that is going to make you feel much better.. Tiempo.. time is the only thing that is eventually going to make you feel stronger and better. At this point you've said you've made a lot of changes in your life for HER.. you've got to get into a different frame of mind, and make positive changes for YOU. If the changes are something she can appreciate at some point in time, then good.. but don't change things about who you are for anyone else but you.. Hope you feel better soon:) Link to post Share on other sites
Puma Posted November 27, 2004 Share Posted November 27, 2004 good thing ya didnt send that letter..and if you still thinkin about it..DONT!! it will only be pleading to her..even if ya have changed shes with someone now and theres not much ya can do about it right?i dont know how strong ur love bond was or if there even was any, but she wont forget no matter who she is with. if shes movin on with her life..why shouldnt you? what was the reason for the break up if i may ask? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissingHerBad Posted November 27, 2004 Author Share Posted November 27, 2004 Our bond was mmmmm... really strong. From the day we met it was just like the movies. We did crazy ****...I bought a sailboat...we went on multiple trips. Skiing trips, dinner at least twice a week. She didnt tell me about this guy, she was still sending me msn messages and emails with song lyrics. I cant but help wonder if it was all just to get over the matter. She told me a week and a half ago, after getting all mad because I have a new job, she cant be friends with me because she has way to much of me in her heart...started going off. Getting jealous I thought and saying Ive changed...so go figure...shes strong though...very resentful. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted November 27, 2004 Share Posted November 27, 2004 Ahhh yes. The beauty of NC. It's wonderful, isn't it? F*CK IT! Send the letter. Silence leads to nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Puma Posted November 27, 2004 Share Posted November 27, 2004 in all reality..u do what you want to do. sometimes its best if ya talk to her to get over her..i know that can be helpful very much, but dont call just to complain and bitch about things. do what want man..do what you feel is right. we are all here to help each other as we are blinded by our own situations and others can help us like we cant. the whole no contact thing is really just to move on and avoid contact from her if ya cant take it well, but if ya can then fck it!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissingHerBad Posted November 27, 2004 Author Share Posted November 27, 2004 Originally posted by Puma what was the reason for the break up if i may ask? The reason for the break up was basically because I was a DJ. She also felt that I didnt love her like she loved me and that I didnt do the little things. Its pretty complicating. I wish I could go back in time. Shes the kind of girl where she needs all of you. Very powerful emotions! Link to post Share on other sites
Puma Posted November 27, 2004 Share Posted November 27, 2004 ahhh ok wel i understand then. u werent there for her as much as she would have lieked ya to right? well then thats just who she is..u siad it, she the type of person that needs all of ya. if ya cant offer her that then ya had to compromise for the sake of the relationship to work things out..and if then she couldnt handle it then perhaps it would be best to end it Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted November 27, 2004 Share Posted November 27, 2004 Well if you couldn't give her all of you, that's how it is, that doesn't make you a bad person, and it wasn't meant to be. You need to find someone who doesn't need all of you all the time, since you're a busy person. Hindsight's always 20/20 and it almost always sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissingHerBad Posted November 27, 2004 Author Share Posted November 27, 2004 Originally posted by UCFKevin Ahhh yes. The beauty of NC. It's wonderful, isn't it? F*CK IT! Send the letter. Silence leads to nothing. Wow...bad mouthing the NC. Thats unheard of...lol. I sometimes wonder that. Silence wont do **** I think people move on and dont look back but I agree that if I talk to her I cant bitch about anything. The thing is I dont even care about this new guy. I feel like sometimes I just want her in my life even if its just to talk once and a while. But in reality. She doesnt call me. She started dating this guy two weeks after? I dunno. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissingHerBad Posted November 27, 2004 Author Share Posted November 27, 2004 Originally posted by Puma ahhh ok wel i understand then. u werent there for her as much as she would have lieked ya to right? well then thats just who she is..u siad it, she the type of person that needs all of ya. if ya cant offer her that then ya had to compromise for the sake of the relationship to work things out..and if then she couldnt handle it then perhaps it would be best to end it I can give this girl everything now. I just didnt know what I wanted. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted November 27, 2004 Share Posted November 27, 2004 Think of it this way. She could be waiting for you to contact her. COULD BE. ANd if you don't, you're missing out on it. Then again, she could not want to hear from you at all. But the question is this: Are you willing to deal with "What if...?" for the rest of your life if you do nothing? Or are you willing to give this a shot and throw caution to the wind, if you do it, you do it, if it works, it works, if it doesn't, it doesn't? The letter may win her back. You never know. And NC ain't gonna do a god damn thing to fix that. Link to post Share on other sites
Puma Posted November 27, 2004 Share Posted November 27, 2004 i agree with that..if there ever is a "what if" in ur mind..then you gonna regret that more than anything cause its gonna be on ur mind. we have to take risks and challenges!! but only do so if ya in the right state of mind..ya have to be strong and confident in any situation Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted November 27, 2004 Share Posted November 27, 2004 Yes. Definitely. The right state of mind is very important. We all go a little mad when our hearts are broken, I think, and we may say and do or WANT to say and do some VERY stupid things. So wait for that to subside. Link to post Share on other sites
Puma Posted November 27, 2004 Share Posted November 27, 2004 kevin added some good points for ya..when we are angry, hurt, or any similar emotion...we tend to put aside our thinkin and just say or do things out of that emotion..which is bad cause we kick ourselves in the ass for it after we come to senses..which then may be too late. for instance when couples argue..there are different types of dealing with it. i think its always the best appraoch to cool off then jsut talk things out when both people are in right state of mind as to more will be solved from the situation. when a couple jsut goes at it back n forth yelling or even just tryin to prove their own point..what does that make ya feel after it all?? ya feel like nothin has been solved or taken care of and feel worse..amybe even might feel angrier. in the first approach..ya end up feelin like things are good cause ya communicated Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean Posted November 28, 2004 Share Posted November 28, 2004 Your relationship ended 2 months ago and she is now dating someone else, am I reading this right?...if she now has a new boyfriend, it puts a whole different spin on the situation. You are in pain, and struggling with the NC policy because it's not what you want, it just doesn't feel right does it? not being in contact with the person you love and miss...ah, but this is the first real step you've taken towards recovering from heartbreak. I know you're hurting, and you want to send that letter as a last-ditch attempt to win her back...do what you feel you have to do - just don't expect it to change anything, especially at this point. Remember that up until last week, you remained in contact without much success, hey - you've given it your best shot, okay? It's time to stop delaying the healing process. The journey will be long, and painful...you will shed more tears, and that's normal. Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted November 28, 2004 Share Posted November 28, 2004 son, there is nothing you can do aside from trying to "move on" and not dwell on the situation. I think you also need to see how she has acted since the breakup. I remember earlier posts where you mentioned how she was trying to screw around with you while you were DJing and that is just wrong. She is immature and selfish. I know it is hard to see the person you love like that but the fact is she has issues that you need to realize and you need to quit painting the image of her in your head like she is a goddess. I really don't know what you can do to start to feel better but I hope for your sake you do. As of this time that chick is not worth your trouble and hopefully you will see that. You control how you feel and you can't let her or any person on this planet control how you feel and control your life. Remember, you life went on before she was in it and your life can go on without her in it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissingHerBad Posted November 28, 2004 Author Share Posted November 28, 2004 I know I need to move on, but its like its just dawned on me as to what she was looking for. All I want to do is let her know that for what its worth, I realize. I am also going out to play right now so....maybe that will get my mind off things. Thanks for all the posts here. Maybe I should just go buy a book about getting back your love, read it, and leave you guys alone...lol. Doesnt anyone know of a good book for that?! Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted November 28, 2004 Share Posted November 28, 2004 I know the feeling of wanting to tell the person you are enlightened to everything and stuff but the fact is, 99% of the time the other person doesn't really care and it just ends up hurting more. I went through it. Realized mistakes I made in my relationship, told my ex I saw them and all that jazz and she didn't give a fug and made me feel bad. It'd be sad if you went through the same type of thing, that's all. Cant speak for anyone else but you aren't bugging me or anything with this issue. I want to help in any way I can and hope I can/do help in some way. Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean Posted November 28, 2004 Share Posted November 28, 2004 Originally posted by MissingHerBad Maybe I should just go buy a book about getting back your love Ummm...yeah...maybe you should do that. The replies to your post are recommendations made by others who probably have a lot more years of experience over you...but you don't have to listen to us (even tho you were the one who started this thread seeking advice) . I hope you find the answers you are searching for, and good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted November 30, 2004 Share Posted November 30, 2004 We don't always get the advice we want, but that is part of life. Life can suck, and the truth can hurt. Today I felt enlightened about my situation wtih my ex. Screw this fantasy of getting back with our exes. Funny how the mind can play tricks on us. Our denial is so strong because it is our way of protecting ourselves from pain. This is some tough love..but you need to hear this. She's just not that into you anymore. If she were, she would not have dated someone 2 weeks after the breakup. C'MON MAN! open your eyes. you are holding on to something that is not there anymore, at least from her perspective. Don't fall in to the trap of unrequited love. If she's not into you anymore, then screw her! Be realistic and don't fall into the denial game. We often don't want to accept that a person we had such a close intimate bond with would dare not want to be with us anymore! But its the sad truth of life.... Time to work on the healing process.... Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted December 1, 2004 Share Posted December 1, 2004 Hey Green horn I just noticed this thread was written by you, same person I replied to on the coming out of obsession thread. Please take into consideration what I said on my last post on the obsession thread. I think this last post on here is probably not appropriate for your situation now that I know this was a 7 year relationship..that makes things quite a bit more complex. Remember, ACT, PERFORM.....w/e you want to call it. FORCE yourself. You can do it! Read my last post on your other thread. Good luck sweetie. Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted December 1, 2004 Share Posted December 1, 2004 Okay now I'm confused. Where did I get that this author was Greenhorn? LOL. I tried to edit the msg but evidently I'm only allowed 20 minutes to edit a post. I have no idea where I got that notion, except that I haven't been to bed yet so I haven't slept in like 24 hours....guess I am delirious and out of it apparently, off in la-la land Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissingHerBad Posted December 1, 2004 Author Share Posted December 1, 2004 Well, a little enlightenment on the situation. I took your guys advice. Wrote all the letters held them, read the forums and yes, found a new woman. She is hot, were taking things slow and Im getting over the ex-bitch. Im alot stronger and will never get screwed again (not anytime soon anyways...lol). Sometimes when Im by myself I think about her but at least it is with a smile now and not with tears. Thankyou to everyone who help me along this process. It can be rough and I really respect you guys for being on here and giving good advice and mentorship. Take care and I hope it works out for everyone here. Support Loveshack.org! Link to post Share on other sites
butterfly4me Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 I totally feel for you. my ex left on Thanksgiving and I haven't heard from him since. I am a total basket case, and cannot eat or sleep. If you need me I'm here for you--we could email if you like Link to post Share on other sites
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