Is this considered abuse?

[TheMoonBug]

Hey everyone,

 

I've recently broken up with my boyfriend, and I'm not sure if it was the right thing to do. First off, our relationship was long distance and it stayed that way for two years. I have wanted to meet him for so long, but due to being a starving student it was nearly impossible. However, during the summers I would work and save my money while he didn't. I saved so I could go down and see him. We lived almost two countries way (him in Florida, I in northern Canada), so it was a very tedious distance to travel(and I would of had to jump from plane to plane to plane to get there) but I was 100% willing to do it. Only if he was willing to get off his ass, stop playing video games and find a job, so that he would have money when I visited. And when he actually did have video games he would always blow it away on video games, or on his computer.

 

Speaking of money, I would have to wait months to get birthday presents from him. And I mean, my birthday is in December and for the first present I had to wait 9 months to receive, and the second was 6 months, and only after weeks of me bitching about it would he finally send them. Oh, and he never made me forget how selfish I was for doing so. But, I sent him things like ****ing crazy. Birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries, etc etc etc. I even wrote out a rough estimate of the gifts he got from me, and it was around the $500 range.

 

After our first anniversary I wanted to end our relationship. I tried to very neutrally tell him that I'm becoming depressed and I need time to take care of myself, but I would be guilt tripped into staying with him. He would say things like, "you are the most perfect girl for me," or "without you I'll be lost forever," and "I would never be happy ever again." So I stayed. I stayed for another 7-8 months. By this time I was not in a good point in my life. I was bed ridden with depression, and having a clingy boyfriend that I had to worry about 24-7 was putting me over the edge. I was making him happy, but he would never even attempt to consider making me happy.

 

What would of made me happy? For him to finish school, since he dropped out. Or to find work so I could come and visit him, or vice versa. I never asked for diamonds, pearls, money. I secretly wished that he would maybe play me a song on his guitar for my birthday, or even just write a love letter. But all of that would of been taking time from him playing video games. This spring I would try breaking up with him often, and he would always say things like, "you'll never find anyone who will love you as much as I do," and I believed him.

 

I think he knew I was having difficulty with some self-esteem and self-love issues, and he took full advantage of that. He would say absolute beautiful and romantic things to me, and I would often be head over heels for him. Also, he was controlling. I was not allowed to do things without him knowing, and (I am a gamer) when I wanted to play a game, I needed his approval. I also wanted to learn to play violin, and when I told him I wanted to take lessons, he claimed that he wanted to learn with me at the same time. What that meant was I had to wait for him to physically be with me in order to learn to play an instrument.

 

I waited on him for nearly two years when I finally asked him if there was another girl in his life. Naturally, he got mad and so we took a break. Well, I found out about a few lies and secrets he held from me, and I snapped like a twig. I blew up, and I said some awful things to him... And I apologized like crazy afterwards, and I also got him a couple gifts to prove that I was sorry.

 

But as of now, I haven't heard from him in nearly two months. No goodbye, no I love you, nothing. I don't know what to think or what to do. As of right now I moved to a new town for school, and for weeks I was completely alone. He still has his family, his friends to talk to, everything. Yet he still games as if nothing is wrong and he finally got a job, according to his mother.

 

His mother also said something to me which has made me lose my mind. I asked her if he is doing okay, and if he has been thinking about all of this. She said he was fine, he is trying to improve himself and that he is learning that he needs to make his NEXT girlfriend to feel like the most important girl in the universe. I quit all contact with her, since all she did was dangle my ex in front of me.

 

Now here I am. I have finally made friends to talk to, but there were nights where it felt like I was ready to jump off a bridge. Coming out of this relationship I feel completely worthless, and I don't know if its guilt or that I was taken advantage of. I see all of my friends getting married, and new happy relationships starting and its making me feel ill. It just sucks because I thought he was the one, and I thought we were finally going to get together, grow old together and die knowing I was with my best friend. I learned to cook for specially for him, I was willing to help him through all of his endeavors, and I was willing to sacrifice anything to make our relationship work. I know what love is, and he had my love. It just ****s knowing that his is how I get repaid.

 

Any advice, or input would be very much appreciated. Thank you.

Edited September 26, 2013 by TheMoonBug
Forgot things

[HokeyReligions]

Sounds like you were used. It sucks but there are people out t here who are master manipulators and really don't care about t he other person. Time to wise up and move forward. It'll get better.

[Mr Scorpio]

Yes, I would consider that to be abuse. Abuse committed by you against yourself. I'm not pointing fingers. I can relate in a way. Nevertheless, you should have left that situation a long time ago.

[KathyM]

I wouldn't call it abuse per se, but he definitely neglected you and was too controlling. Sounds like he is also addicted to gaming, and that can take over a person's life and cause the person to put everyone and everything else aside or neglect everyone and everything else because of the video game addiction. Video games are his priority right now, and there is no room in his life for a relationship, school, or anything else. Time to move on and find someone who has his life and his priorities in order.