Why do they never regret it?

[Fufu]

It just simply meant they are not the right person for you. Doesn't matter they choose to leave you, call this a "blessing in disguise" I would rather the person end the relationship, then lying to him that he loves me but at my back having other strings of relationships.

 

By the way, you remember me? It's been so long I've visited this forum.

[Sugarkane]

It just simply meant they are not the right person for you. Doesn't matter they choose to leave you, call this a "blessing in disguise" I would rather the person end the relationship, then lying to him that he loves me but at my back having other strings of relationships.

 

By the way, you remember me? It's been so long I've visited this forum.

Thankyou. Yes I do remember you!

[LostOne1]

The thing is...they aren't doing as great as they make it seem.

 

Sometimes it's all an act, to themselves and to those in their lives and to you, their ex.

 

Its highly possible they play the role of getting a new girlfriend right away, to sending you hate messages or to not talking to you ever again because they're trying to move on as quickly as possible.

 

It's a quick fix for them and usually it fails.

 

And you never know if they regret breaking it off with you at all. Most are prideful and wouldn't even dare tell their ex they regret breaking up with them. Because it'll make them look weak. So they go through their lives normally while coping by doing the things you've stated.

 

I'll give you an example, my first ex..he was my first lover and when he broke it off with me he would say the most terrible things about me and to me, like he was a completely different person. On top of that he picked up a new girlfriend 2 weeks after we broke up (we were together for a little over a year) ..she had come up to him and he thought might as well. They ended up breaking up several months later.

 

Yet, even through what he did to me I knew he was hurting as much as I was. I was lucky to know this because he would talk about his pain and regret on his blog he has.

 

Just because your ex seems as if they're moving on doesn't necessarily mean they're happy or doing as well as they show it.

 

They're not going to show you the pain they're in.

 

And you'll most likely never know if they regretted their decision. Unless they speak it out towards you.

You "might" be right.

 

I found out that my ex did in fact cheat on me with another guy. It's been one year now with the BU and she just engaged the guy.

 

I just found it odd that she was willing to spend 3 yrs with me to even think of that point. And with this new guy within 1 year.

 

But now that you bring this thought up.. I'm thinking it's her way of being selfish and to get over me faster.

 

I personally just feel bad for her in a way. I mean she's going to through her life away for the hate against me after she BU with me? LOL

 

I'd think she would spend 2-3 yrs with the guy before marrying or engaging him. No way I could marry a girl knowing her for only a year.

[LostOne1]

You did NOT do everything right. You did everything right for THEM. For your partner, not for you. You were focusing on them instead of on you.

 

If you want a good partner, why don't you try to choose one who treats YOU right?

 

Yeah, some guys will treat you like sh*t and will not end up being stroken by God in the head. How they treat you tells a lot about themselves. MAybe they need to be treated like sh*t in return to be happy, who knows?

 

But,if a guy treats you like crap, he is a crappy person, ok, how about you? Why would you take that abuse? If he treats you like crap, you still take it, apparently.

 

Re-read your posts. You never accuse the guys of the bad treatment, you accuse them of leaving you. That, to me, sounds like huge abandonment issues. Plus really low self esteem, to be putting up with their crap.

 

why the hell will you still be thinking of a guy whom you dated 3 years ago? I'll tell you why. Because of the rejection. It's the rejection that makes you hurt like hell, not his leaving.

 

Think about that and read some self help book about self confidence and getting over abandonment fear. It'll change your life, because it'll help you to center on yourself.

 

take care

Agreed.. I felt rejected and that made it worse. But what got me going again was the fact that she is just ONE girl.

 

I can't let myself feel down over ONE girl, when tons of other girls out there are waiting for a guy like me.

[Sugarkane]

I still feel like keeping your mouth shut helps them. Players do what they do because they know they'll be no consequences as long as they can lie, cheat and steal. Keeping your mouth shut, just seems to give them even more lack of consequences.

[Nancy87]

i feel bad for what happened to me.. i cant explain just hurts

[RiceaRoni]

i feel bad for what happened to me.. i cant explain just hurts

 

It does hurt...and I'm sorry you are hurting, but all you can do now is take it a day at a time

 

Look at the positives, even if they are small.

Do something nice for yourself everyday as well.

Maybe pick up a new book or hobby you may enjoy, hang out with friends and family as mucho as possible too!

 

And if you ever have the urge or temptation to break NC, tell yourself NO! and then write a letter about everthing you want to say, get all of your feelings out and then throw the letter away. It feels nice instead of bottling everything up or breaking NC.

 

"Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional"

[J21]

Not all dumpers have no regrets.......

 

I was the dumper in my previous relationship and I for one, regret it a lot.

 

Long story short: she switched jobs which required extremely long hours, and it really strained our relationship. She was always busy, stressed, or in a bad mood. I tried my best to make the relationship work, but it really felt one sided for a long time (me putting in all the work). I genuinely felt neglected, taken for granted, uncared for, unrespected and was miserable at what the relationship has become. I bared it as long as I thought I could bear it but a breaking point eventually came.

 

Whenever I feel like I'm ready to move on, the thought of her pops back into mind.

 

I would like to have her back but I'm afraid of opening up more wounds (for myself and/or her). After 9 months of NC, the chances are pretty slim and I'm aware of that.

 

I still think about her and genuinely miss her. I was such a fool; I should have been more patient and endured it a little longer....

Edited October 7, 2013 by J21

[Nancy87]

He has always been an ahole when ever i break NC.

 

But then when i feel horrible i just wana go back n ask him to be a lil sympathetic but phew anyways.

 

I gona join library from today. hope it will get better

[Never Again]

You often find that the people you think you know and care about the most, are the people you don't really know at all.

 

Often, we allow ourselves to be used by those we love because we remember all those happy times, and brush everything else off as the occasional nuisance.

 

I had a partner that I THOUGHT was great. We challenged and inspired each other, gave each other affection AND loads of space to pursue our own interests. I held myself responsible for my own happiness, and supported her personally and professionally. But that didn't matter in the end because, when the relationship stopped being easy...she decided I wasn't worth it. I didn't learn about all her negative characteristics until the breakup. I only saw how immature, impulsive and selfish she was once it was too late.

 

They never regret it because they wanted out. Sometimes it just didn't work out, sometimes there were incompatibilities...but usually it's because they're happy taking the easy way out.

 

Work at a relationship? Take the other person into consideration and love them for their flaws? Realize that a relationship can't make you feel happy, excited or "in love" 100% of the time? A dumper rejects those notions. They often want perfection, they want it NOW, and they want it to be easy.

[Nancy87]

SHOULD NEVER EVER DATE ANYONE WHO IS BELOW UR CLASS! Once they get what they want from life, see their arrogance.

Sometimes i just want to see him dead. like dead. feels bad to see him alive even for what he did to me.

[candie13]

I still feel like keeping your mouth shut helps them. Players do what they do because they know they'll be no consequences as long as they can lie, cheat and steal. Keeping your mouth shut, just seems to give them even more lack of consequences.

 

Of course you shouldn't shut up and stand your ground. But if you date a man whom you know is a player, how can you be mad or surprised at this lying and cheating?

 

I'd never recommend you to keep at your mouth shut at abuse. However, you cannot change people. You can only look out for yourself. If you date a guy and you understand he has a tendency of being abusive, then you should confront him and ask him to treat you properly. If you continue to stay and take the abuse... that is your decision. It is obviously WRONG of them to abuse you, but nobody is forcing you to stay in an unhealthy relationship.That is your issue.

 

If a "friend" dumps you because you have morning sickness, than you need to kick his butt for being an arsehole, not excuse yourself for being pregnant.

 

People like that cannot take any place in any person's life, waste of space and air.

 

People with problems attract other people with problems. Solve your issues and screen for people who have the potential of being good to you.

[Sugarkane]

Of course you shouldn't shut up and stand your ground. But if you date a man whom you know is a player, how can you be mad or surprised at this lying and cheating?

 

I'd never recommend you to keep at your mouth shut at abuse. However, you cannot change people. You can only look out for yourself. If you date a guy and you understand he has a tendency of being abusive, then you should confront him and ask him to treat you properly. If you continue to stay and take the abuse... that is your decision. It is obviously WRONG of them to abuse you, but nobody is forcing you to stay in an unhealthy relationship.That is your issue.

 

If a "friend" dumps you because you have morning sickness, than you need to kick his butt for being an arsehole, not excuse yourself for being pregnant.

 

People like that cannot take any place in any person's life, waste of space and air.

 

People with problems attract other people with problems. Solve your issues and screen for people who have the potential of being good to you.

You don't get it. I didn't know the guy was abusive/player, or obviously I would never had dated him in the first place. The one who harassed me- no mutual friends. The ex who brought me here, everyone talks so highly of him.

 

I don't know this psychotic ex is now playing happy relationships with someone. And I don't know why if you call a dumper out on their psychotic behaviour, that makes you a psycho? Which is the answer I've always got on here. But if you stay in NC, everyone thinks the sun shines out of their butt and you're the psycho?

 

Why is there no karma?

Edited October 8, 2013 by Sugarkane

[Sugarkane]

I really wish someone on here had suggested that I go to the police, with the ex that was harassing me by text. Just so much regret.

[melell]

SHOULD NEVER EVER DATE ANYONE WHO IS BELOW UR CLASS! Once they get what they want from life, see their arrogance.

Sometimes i just want to see him dead. like dead. feels bad to see him alive even for what he did to me.

 

Elaborate..

[organizedchaos]

You often find that the people you think you know and care about the most, are the people you don't really know at all.

 

Often, we allow ourselves to be used by those we love because we remember all those happy times, and brush everything else off as the occasional nuisance.

 

I had a partner that I THOUGHT was great. We challenged and inspired each other, gave each other affection AND loads of space to pursue our own interests. I held myself responsible for my own happiness, and supported her personally and professionally. But that didn't matter in the end because, when the relationship stopped being easy...she decided I wasn't worth it. I didn't learn about all her negative characteristics until the breakup. I only saw how immature, impulsive and selfish she was once it was too late.

 

They never regret it because they wanted out. Sometimes it just didn't work out, sometimes there were incompatibilities...but usually it's because they're happy taking the easy way out.

 

Work at a relationship? Take the other person into consideration and love them for their flaws? Realize that a relationship can't make you feel happy, excited or "in love" 100% of the time? A dumper rejects those notions. They often want perfection, they want it NOW, and they want it to be easy.

 

Very well said and similar to my story. They will continue to chase that "high" instead of working on the good thing they already have. They'll never be truly satisfied.

[Never Again]

Very well said and similar to my story. They will continue to chase that "high" instead of working on the good thing they already have. They'll never be truly satisfied.

 

Now I realize that many relationships end for very valid reasons - toxic behaviors, neglect, incompatibilities, growing apart, and the like. However, it feels like more and more are ending because our hierarchy of needs is totally out of wack - the better, easier and more complex the rest of our lives are, the more we expect from our relationships.

 

Expectations kill relationships.

 

Not all expectations, I suppose. The expectation to be loved and respected is general and reasonable enough. I'm talking about those expectations that are premeditated resentments.

 

Expecting to feel a certain way at a certain time, expecting your relationship to always "click" or always have that "spark/chemistry", expecting to "just know" when you're with the right person, expecting your partner to be your source of happiness and inspiration, expecting your partner to always give you what you need without ever being told because they should know exactly how to support you and when (because if you're "right for each other" or they're "the one", they'll know what you need all the time, right?! HA!)

 

So many are chasing the fantasy of "romantic love" that lasts forever with no peaks/valleys.

 

It becomes all about how they FEEL RIGHT NOW. The bonds that were formed, level of compatibility discovered, memories shared and possibility for future feelings cannot compare to the sheer release of immediate gratification.

 

The bonfire of passion will, most often, fade within 1-3 years to the embers of companionship. Instead of being hot and fiery, it becomes warm and compassionate. All it takes is a little poke to get the fire roaring again, but few want to wait for that. If you don't excite them NOW, they'll move along. I'm sure they contribute more than their fair share to the divorce rate with their "I'm not IN love with you anymore" antics.

 

Serial monogamists are a growing plague. It's frustrating and hurtful to those of us willing to love without expectation, willing to build on substance instead of relying on passion alone.

 

I understand my tone is bitter, but I'm more resentful at the state of things than my own relationship. So many people experiencing so much heartbreak because the embers are seen as "settling". I understand that most will find somebody someday, but it's discouraging to see so much pain because of foolish, shallow, fantastical beliefs on love.

[Sugarkane]

Because I want to know why they never regret it and why there's never any karma.

Yet it was ok for the dumper to be psychotic to me, dump me by text,

then gloat that they're life was better without me and harass me by text. How is this nutjob even in a new relationship?! Great way to dump lol.

 

I do my fiancé and thank god he isn't a psycho. I wish I gloat the same!

 

 

You are engaged and have a baby on the way. This should be one of the happiest times of your life. Yet here you are creating threads / posting about your Ex still. Your Ex dumped you and was immature about it and moved on with his life... Big Deal! Do you think you are the only one who has ever got hosed before? Why do you choose to be bitter and angry? Why are you unable to laugh about what immature morons you and your Ex were? Seriously... Let it go and get over it already!

 

 

 

 

What you are doing now is far worse than what your Ex did. If my Fiancé who was pregnant with our child was on a place like LS posting about her Ex... I would think she is crazy, I was a rebound, she was settling, using me, a liar and feel betrayed on every level. Do I even need to mention how quickly you would gone?

 

As much you go on and on about what your Ex did / didn't do and how you didn't deserve it... Live by your principles and the way you say you want to be treated and call of the wedding and break up with your Fiancé.

[Sugarkane]

Again, how does that make me the psycho, when the dumper thought it was hilarious to breakup and do that to me?

[Leigh 87]

Because we were not right for them... That's why they don't regret it.

 

My ex and I love each other very much - just in a different way now.

 

We don't regret the break up!

 

Not all couples end up so lucky as us, and one or both people grow to resent each other and never want to have anything to do with each other again.

 

I personally practice positive interactions with people around me. I avert the negative energy people give out, and keep interactions positive or walk away from them fast.

 

For your ex to turn your friends against you and other mean spirited stuff, have a look inside yourself and figure out WHY you overlooked the signs that these people were bad news and not nice people..

 

I try to only get involved with positive and kind people who seem very nice, and who have friends who are also seemingly lovely.

 

Some people put on a façade, however; most people who seem genuinely warm and genuine ARE. People like this DO NOT turn your friends against you and Fcck you over.

 

Most people are NOT uncaring monsters.

 

You just pick awful people, or people who are pretty hapless and apathetic and have very little empathy towards others.

 

Truly decent and nice people do not have selective empathy; where they treat u like poo and other people like gold.

 

u just picked a bad batch of men.

[travelonic]

Because we were not right for them... That's why they don't regret it.

 

 

IMO, yeah being nit-picky, this is a gross oversimplification - though it is important to recognize this when in fact it is the reason why.

[Stealth3]

I don't think you will know if they regret it or not. Most of the time even if they do, things have long gone and it will be too late, they won't bother speaking about it so you will never know.

 

If they regret it, it will be silent and no one but themselves will ever know. Regret or not, it shouldn't matter or affect you in any way.

[Salvatore85]

There's several reasons why...

 

Someone else in the picture

 

They've moved on mentally long before the break up

 

It just wasn't working

 

GIGS

 

And many other factors. People are different and that's evident by the fact that some completely move on and others come back. It's not as simple as saying "we were not right for them" but in some instances that could certainly be the case. The reality is they leave and don't regret it for many different reasons but I'm willing to bet many more regret it however their ego won't allow them to admit it.

[Nancy87]

They do regret eventually but would be after ages i.e years literally and u have long moved on by then.

If u were a nice and sweet girlfreind, remeber that ur ex will always miss u coz men always miss those sweet perfect lovers.

 

But they do not regret the v moment coz of GIGS mostly!

[Sugarkane]

I honestly hate taking the high road, when the dumper was allowed to be a complete **** to me. And dumped me by text then later gloated their life was better without me and more. With the harassment, I don't know why no one suggested going to The cops? Dumpers do.