Deniedman Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 So here's my story. I was a believer that the first to each other in almost every way couple could be man and wife and live together forever. But she left me.. We started dating when we were 17 years old. I was first to her in every way. She was first to my except for the first kiss. We were very envious of each other, because we loved each other so much, and we were very young and didnt knew that a person should be free sometimes. But crazy envy passed away step by step and last year we understood each other mush better. We just keeped ourselves safe. But she never admitted that she was envious. Just me. Actually, i preserved her very much. Tried to know everytime, where she was, and if shes OK. She didnt let me to party very much - as i didnt let do that to her. But we didnt needed that. Well, especially me. She didnt had many girl friends - mainly because she lived in a place where there was no normal girls around. So only her sisters and a classmate was her friends. So she never came to meet with girls. Only at school. She has many sisters so i think that was enought for her. Also she said that she likes to sit at home most of the time. to study, watch films, etc.. After a year i moved to study to another city - she was afraid that i was going to leave her, find "a better girl". She was soooo afraid of that. But i even didnt thought about that, i was staying at home most of the time and waited for weekends to get back to my girl. This year, a few months ago, it was the time when she would come to the city where i studied, to study as well. We planned to live together. But before that, middle of the summer, she left me.. She said that she did it because she finally went to party with her few friends without my knowledge.. She did it because she had to answer fast if she is going there and there was no time to text me a message that she is going somewhere and with who.. She said that she felt freedom, where she doesnt have to text me a few times a night and if shes doing ok.. I was sleeping at home and didnt even knew what shes partying. Few weeks before that, i made a mistake - i left her at my home for a few hours and went to hang out with guys. She said that after that, she stopped loving me. I left her alone at home. But i was back few hours later and wanted to take her too, but she refused. That was the first time where i showed that my friends are more important than her.. In the past, every weekend was with her and i was digressed from my friends, so i wanted to finally hang out with them. She thought that i was envious all the time, but that was because she didnt had any friends and to go somewhere with girls. So there was almost no situations where she would ask me if she could go to party.. She never talked to me that i preserve her too much.. Bad things happen in our country, girls getting kidnapped, raped.. So i was afraid all the time, where she was ant with who. So, she left me by a text message.. After 2 months, we met for a few minutes.. She said me almost nothing, only that she is very happy now and "doesnt have to report where she is". Bad thing she forgot that i had to report too.. And she met me only because that i felt humiliated that she left me via text message.. So she said that now its not via message and said that i will not see her again. Strange thing is, all the time after she left me, she answers to my messages. Although she says that i am nothing to her, if something bad happens to me, she wouldn't care, etc.. The thing is, my life started to break down after she left me. I got nowhere to live (because we planned to live in big city this year and after she left me i didnt had time to find where to live and all places where taken by the students already). So i live at my sister. Ive got some more problems too, i started drinking, had a fine for driving drunk, etc.. Theres also no motivation to study.. And the main thing is that she doesnt care at all about me. I doesnt have any friends in big city, because last year i was waiting for her, not making new relations.. And she has friends now, she goes to party.. And i am sitting at home. Its impossible to forget her. Because she was too good. She was very beautiful, she was good girl, i was first to her, etc.. 2 and a half months passed and i feel the same bad way. I am desperately trying to find new love before she founds. But with no results. The biggest pain is that she doesnt care if i die, get sick or etc.. Btw, she loved me very much. Question is, how to turn myself to think that i could find a better girl? How to stop loving her? Thinking about what shes doing? Thing is, people say that i am handsome and kind hearted so i need a beautiful, clever, and most importantly - not a sluttish girl. She had all these. I think that theres no girl near me like that. I am so choosy. And if she finds another man before i found another girl, im in a deep deep depression..
lindsay1990 Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 (edited) So here's my story. she says that i am nothing to her, if something bad happens to me, she wouldn't care, etc.. Its impossible to forget her. Because she was too good. She was very beautiful, she was good girl, i was first to her, etc.. 2 and a half months passed and i feel the same bad way. I am desperately trying to find new love before she founds. But with no results. The biggest pain is that she doesnt care if i die, get sick or etc.. Btw, she loved me very much. Question is, how to turn myself to think that i could find a better girl? How to stop loving her? Thinking about what shes doing? Thing is, people say that i am handsome and kind hearted so i need a beautiful, clever, and most importantly - not a sluttish girl. She had all these. I think that theres no girl near me like that. I am so choosy. And if she finds another man before i found another girl, im in a deep deep depression.. Whoa. This girl is not worth your sadness and much less you keeping messing up your life. She isn't that good if she is treating you this way, you just thought she was good. I think you should reconsider if she actually did love you, because to me, it seems like she didn't. And if she did, she definitely doesn't now. Focus on your school and getting your life back on track. Edited September 26, 2013 by lindsay1990
Author Deniedman Posted September 26, 2013 Author Posted September 26, 2013 (edited) Thanks, well, she mentioned that she writes those messages that she doesnt care about me because she doesnt want to make me think that ill get her back. She doesnt want to write and say anything positive to me. She even wants to make me to think that shes a slut, that she is bad. But i dont get it how much psychologically strong she is. I said to her that i dont have a person to confide (but actually i have), that i am alone, that i dont have to live anywhere.. But she really doesnt care and doesnt afraid that i am going to fall apart. Edited September 26, 2013 by Deniedman
Stealth3 Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 This is a terrible situation that you're in. Its important to not let other people around you influence you negatively. You can't let her decisions get in the way of your success. You have to realize that you will find a better girl. Right now it's really hard, but one day you will wake up and you won't care about her. Every feeling you have for her will be gone and you will finally be free from her getting in your mind. You need to start giving up on any hope that you will get her back. Once you achieve that, you will finally be over her. She wants to go whore herself around, let her do that. Focus on yourself and never look back.
Author Deniedman Posted September 27, 2013 Author Posted September 27, 2013 Thank you all for your support. It was and will be a hard experience. But people like you help me to understand that she will not come back to me 100% and maybe there's no point for falling apart and ruining my life when shes having a good life. I still need to live forward.. Actually, most of the time i feel good by now. But sometimes, for example, when something remembers of her or i see her in the city somewhere, i just "black out" and feel very bad. But i think that in the future these occurrences will be rarer.
Author Deniedman Posted September 27, 2013 Author Posted September 27, 2013 That's understandable. Feelings are powerful and you need to acknowledge them and process them, however, they shouldn't be what dictates our actions. Glad to hear that the good days are outweighing the bad. I think that only a new love will clear out all the feelings for her.Theres no other way. Ive red that i shouldn't rush to find another girl. But i think thats a nonsense, because every thing at my home remembers her, every holiday, like Christmas, will remind her so much. Because ive spent so much time with her. She was everything to me. I dont want to feel bad at Christmas, so i made a goal to myself - find a new love before Christmas. I dont want to listen to this song by that time: Thing is, i am very picky. I dont go to parties, dont smoke, etc. and i always thought seriously about life, although i am 20 years old only. I think that finding the same girl as me, especially that young, would be very hard. So thats another reason why it is so hard to let her go.
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