GREAT first date... he flaked on second.. now what? Play hard to get?

[vdubb89]

I had a great first date with this guy... seemed like he did too from the signals... even sent me a 'courtesy text' after the date saying he had a great time. We were supposed to set up a second date on that Saturday. When I didn't hear from him I decided to text him myself with a funny text about a joke we had on the date (just a conversation starter). He then tells me that he is feeling sick and probably will have to wait to get together again. I agree and feel like an idiot for messaging him in the first place though. Was he sick or not... I dont know.. but he made it seem like he knew I was expecting a second date and kinda made it on his own terms

 

I dont hear from him for 3-4 days then he decides to text me only when he sees some pics I posted on facebook from an event we had talked about going together (obviously I wasnt going to invite him after he said he was sick and flaked on our second date). Then he mentions that "we should probably get together at some point" but doesn't specify when/where and proceeds to tell me that he might be attending a concert at the bar I work at on t he weekend. I mention I am not working but is still an option for me to attend. He says to let him know If I end up deciding to go. and I say sure.. and that was that.

 

MY QUESTION IS: first, does it seem like this guys is genuinely interested? I mean he says that he wants a second date, then flakes... then says that he wants to get together 'at some point' but doesnt actually initiate anything.. I mean I feel like if he was really interested he would definitely take action in setting up a for sure second date... not just maybe running into eachother at my work....

 

and secondly, do men REALLY actually like the chase? I mean if you had a great date with a girl, would you like it if she seemed a bit unavailable to you after? I am terrible at playing the hard to get card but it seems to be here that in this situation it would probably be my best bet to keep him interested? I know that sounds silly..... but it just seems so true!

 

soooo in addition to this question.. Should I let him know if I do end up deciding to go to this concert on Friday? (chances are I am probably going anyway because I had made plans with other friends) or should I just play it cool and pretend that I forgot to let him know? (I really hate playing these games, but it kinda seems inevitable? Thoughts?)

 

advice please.....

[crederer]

You're over thinking it. He was sick and cancelled. He got back in contacted with in you a reasonable amount of time, imo.

 

Just be yourself. If you want to let him know you're interested let him, if you want to play hard to get, then go for it. Both may work out for you and both may backfire but there is no point in trying to be or do something that feels unnatural to you.

[Mr.Mango]

MY QUESTION IS: first, does it seem like this guys is genuinely interested? I mean he says that he wants a second date, then flakes...

 

He didn't flake, he got sick and failed to communicate. Quote:

We were supposed to set up a second date on that Saturday.

You just stated the plans weren't even set, so explain how that's flaking. Not to mention he had a valid reason why he couldn't set something up.

 

then says that he wants to get together 'at some point' but doesnt actually initiate anything.. I mean I feel like if he was really interested he would definitely take action in setting up a for sure second date... not just maybe running into eachother at my work....

 

Him going to a concert and seeing you there was his initiation. He even asked you to tell him if you were going. It's maybe not your idea of getting asked to a second date, but it's not him doing nothing either.

 

and secondly, do men REALLY actually like the chase? I mean if you had a great date with a girl, would you like it if she seemed a bit unavailable to you after? I am terrible at playing the hard to get card but it seems to be here that in this situation it would probably be my best bet to keep him interested? I know that sounds silly..... but it just seems so true!

 

soooo in addition to this question.. Should I let him know if I do end up deciding to go to this concert on Friday? (chances are I am probably going anyway because I had made plans with other friends) or should I just play it cool and pretend that I forgot to let him know? (I really hate playing these games, but it kinda seems inevitable? Thoughts?)

 

Why bother playing hard? He's probably going to that concert either way, and it's not like you've seen each other too much lately anyway. You should definitely tell him if you're going, unless you want to plant the seeds of doubt in his mind when he sees you there.

 

advice please.....

 

See bolded.

 

In all honesty this sounds like you've just had an awkward start with this guy. The first couple of dates can be hardest, cause you don't know each other well enough. Maybe he thinks getting sick and having to postpone date number 2 turned you off, who knows. Maybe he mentioned the concert cause he wants to see if you're still interested. The only way you go anywhere is if you see this guy. No need to analyse the dickens out of everything.

[It's Just Me]

I had a great first date with this guy... seemed like he did too from the signals... even sent me a 'courtesy text' after the date saying he had a great time. We were supposed to set up a second date on that Saturday. When I didn't hear from him I decided to text him myself with a funny text about a joke we had on the date (just a conversation starter). He then tells me that he is feeling sick and probably will have to wait to get together again. I agree and feel like an idiot for messaging him in the first place though. Was he sick or not... I dont know.. but he made it seem like he knew I was expecting a second date and kinda made it on his own terms

 

I dont hear from him for 3-4 days then he decides to text me only when he sees some pics I posted on facebook from an event we had talked about going together (obviously I wasnt going to invite him after he said he was sick and flaked on our second date). Then he mentions that "we should probably get together at some point" but doesn't specify when/where and proceeds to tell me that he might be attending a concert at the bar I work at on t he weekend. I mention I am not working but is still an option for me to attend. He says to let him know If I end up deciding to go. and I say sure.. and that was that.

 

MY QUESTION IS: first, does it seem like this guys is genuinely interested? I mean he says that he wants a second date, then flakes... then says that he wants to get together 'at some point' but doesnt actually initiate anything..

 

A. He's not interested in anything serious. You're an option for this coming Friday.

B. Delete him from your FB.

C. I'm really offended by his characterization of seeing you, "at some point." Yeah, and I'm going to have to the oil changed in my car at some point, too. Oh, and maybe have my nails done, at some point.

 

People who are genuinely interested in making plans with someone show a genuine interest, want details, and are looking forward to seeing the other person. They even talk in between dates. When they have to cancel, they apologize and immediately make plans for another day. I don't see that here.

 

You sound like a very level-headed person, and deserve far better than this baloney.

[PlumPrincess]

A. He's not interested in anything serious. You're an option for this coming Friday.

B. Delete him from your FB.

C. I'm really offended by his characterization of seeing you, "at some point." Yeah, and I'm going to have to the oil changed in my car at some point, too. Oh, and maybe have my nails done, at some point.

 

People who are genuinely interested in making plans with someone show a genuine interest, want details, and are looking forward to seeing the other person. They even talk in between dates. When they have to cancel, they apologize and immediately make plans for another day. I don't see that here.

 

You sound like a very level-headed person, and deserve far better than this baloney.

I agree.

 

What I find surprising is that the other two male posters were not able to understand the situation and gauge his level of interest correctly. No wonder so many guys are posting here about the mysterious ways of women.

[NoMoreJerks]

A. He's not interested in anything serious. You're an option for this coming Friday.

B. Delete him from your FB.

C. I'm really offended by his characterization of seeing you, "at some point." Yeah, and I'm going to have to the oil changed in my car at some point, too. Oh, and maybe have my nails done, at some point.

 

People who are genuinely interested in making plans with someone show a genuine interest, want details, and are looking forward to seeing the other person. They even talk in between dates. When they have to cancel, they apologize and immediately make plans for another day. I don't see that here.

 

You sound like a very level-headed person, and deserve far better than this baloney.

Yeah, this. I think the "at some point" comment really gives it away. He almost sounds like a narcissist. What are you, his puppet, to go see him when it suits him, at a time of his choosing?

[nescafe1982]

I think the thing to do here is to not pursue him and let him set the next date. Or not. Ball's in his court.

 

In the meantime, don't wait up on him. Multi-date, and if he gets his head out of his butt and can come with something a little more concrete than "at some point," then you can decide whether to continue seeing him.

 

But for right now? He's under-pursuing and that's an indicator that either A) he's under-interested, or B) he's not date material. Either way, don't wait your headspace trying to figure him out until he presents a clear plan to you.

[deathandtaxes]

Psssh this guy seems very passive. Do you want to see him again? Be assertive! Invite him out on a date.

 

I, as a guy, do enjoy being chased. It's fun having a woman set up a date. It shows she is interested.

[FitChick]

Because he saw pics of you at an event you were supposed to be at with him but weren't because of his illness, perhaps he figures you don't care that much about him and he is unsure of your interest.

 

I'd try to pin him down, "Let's definitely get together again. I am free ______ and _____. Let me know if either works for you" or something like that.

[tlegend]

What I find surprising is that the other two male posters were not able to understand the situation and gauge his level of interest correctly. No wonder so many guys are posting here about the mysterious ways of women.

 

Oh, please enlighten us on how you know what his level of interest is (and correctly, I might add).

 

Noone can tell you from 1 date and a few comments what level this guys interest is in. Do not get into the mindset that people have to act a certain way in order for them to be genuinely interested.

 

Yes, men are fairly easy to read. As a general rule of thumb, and I concur, if we are attracted to someone, we will make it known and go out of our way to chase. That isn't necessarily true for all men however. I have quite a bit of friends who do NOT chase. They prefer women chasing them.

 

You want to know if this guy is interested or not? Go out on a few more dates. He may just be testing the waters with you as well. Just because we are guys doesn't mean theres a how-to manual on how to detect if we like you or not. Go find out. You'll know soon enough if this guy is just a tool or not.

[StanMusial]

Maybe the date was "great" from your perspective, and "eh" from his.

[tlegend]

Maybe the date was "great" from your perspective, and "eh" from his.

 

Quoted for truth.

[truth_seeker]

I just went out on a date and thought it went well. The woman even texted me right after the date to say how she had a great time. I told her I would call her to make plans to see her again. I called 3 days later and she never picked up. I texted her and she never replied. Go figure.

[meeji]

A. He's not interested in anything serious. You're an option for this coming Friday.

B. Delete him from your FB.

C. I'm really offended by his characterization of seeing you, "at some point." Yeah, and I'm going to have to the oil changed in my car at some point, too. Oh, and maybe have my nails done, at some point.

 

People who are genuinely interested in making plans with someone show a genuine interest, want details, and are looking forward to seeing the other person. They even talk in between dates. When they have to cancel, they apologize and immediately make plans for another day. I don't see that here.

 

You sound like a very level-headed person, and deserve far better than this baloney.

 

I agree. It seems he is feeling lukewarm about you and not completely sold. Guys leave their options open when they think they might find something better. He probably has his eye on someone who he is more interested in.

 

My opinion..

[deathandtaxes]

I just went out on a date and thought it went well. The woman even texted me right after the date to say how she had a great time. I told her I would call her to make plans to see her again. I called 3 days later and she never picked up. I texted her and she never replied. Go figure.

 

Ahh dating. It's such a sad show of character that people can't be assertive and say 'I enjoyed it. sorry, but, I just don't see it working. thanks!'

 

Instead there are so many passive people out there that just want to fade away. What a sad way to live. Next!!

[vdubb89]

Oh, please enlighten us on how you know what his level of interest is (and correctly, I might add).

 

Noone can tell you from 1 date and a few comments what level this guys interest is in. Do not get into the mindset that people have to act a certain way in order for them to be genuinely interested.

 

Yes, men are fairly easy to read. As a general rule of thumb, and I concur, if we are attracted to someone, we will make it known and go out of our way to chase. That isn't necessarily true for all men however. I have quite a bit of friends who do NOT chase. They prefer women chasing them.

 

You want to know if this guy is interested or not? Go out on a few more dates. He may just be testing the waters with you as well. Just because we are guys doesn't mean theres a how-to manual on how to detect if we like you or not. Go find out. You'll know soon enough if this guy is just a tool or not.

 

 

Yeah, I'd like to go on another date, but that's exactly the problem. He hasnt really asked me to go on a date... He said that he 'may' be stopping by the concert on Friday... He never mentioned actually setting up a date. Sure he said to let him know if I end up going but what good does that do if and when I go and he's not even there because he decided on doing something else. OR if In fact he is there its not like we can talk or get to know eachother. I'll be with friends, I'm sure he will be with friends, and it's a concert! It's loud. Not the type of setting to get a good conversation in.

 

The more I think about it and the more I read all your opinions, I honestly do think he is not that interested. I mean, sure he is interested enough to (kinda) keep in contact, leave his options open, but not enough to actually be a man and ask me on the second date! And I for a fact do know he wanted a second date because he even made subtle hints during our date, and actually came out and said "I definitely want to do this again" when we hugged an said goodbye.

 

Problem i think is here is that he's obviously USED to being chased! I can't see any reason why a guy would be so passive about a second date if he truly was diggin her! When a guy wants something, he gets it! For all I know, he's probably thinking... Gee this girl is 24, I'm 31... If I play my cards right she will probably fall for the handsome and charming older guy card and the cats in the bag! (he said he felt I was very mature for my age during the date) truth is.... I have absolutely no idea what's going on in his head which is probably why it's bothering me so much.. And i feel like if i ask him what hes thinking only after a first date it might scare him Off. He's kinda giving me mixed feelings and it just makes me feel like its a way to keep his options open, JUSt in case something better comes along.I like guys that play it cool a little but it just seems like he's playing it too cool??? I dunno

[PlumPrincess]

Oh, please enlighten us on how you know what his level of interest is (and correctly, I might add).

 

Noone can tell you from 1 date and a few comments what level this guys interest is in. Do not get into the mindset that people have to act a certain way in order for them to be genuinely interested.

 

Yes, men are fairly easy to read. As a general rule of thumb, and I concur, if we are attracted to someone, we will make it known and go out of our way to chase. That isn't necessarily true for all men however. I have quite a bit of friends who do NOT chase. They prefer women chasing them.

 

You want to know if this guy is interested or not? Go out on a few more dates. He may just be testing the waters with you as well. Just because we are guys doesn't mean theres a how-to manual on how to detect if we like you or not. Go find out. You'll know soon enough if this guy is just a tool or not.

Reverse the roles, imagine a girl giving a guy this answer. You would be all telling the OP that the girl was a flake and that her interest was only lukewarm. Or just imagine yourself meeting a guy that you would like to befriend. You would also draw the same conclusion - he/she is not that really interested.