failing to cope... how to let go?

[jenn78]

My ex boyfriend broke up with me for two reasons about 4 months… one being I wasn’t outgoing enough but the real issue he says was that he felt he needed to go travel upon graduating from college. We did NC for a while which helped but i still was quite sad... we hungout the other week and it was very bittersweet, we fell back into our couple ways but we were both really sad. He says he’s not mature enough and needs to grow somehow before he can be in a serious relationship again. Its such a crappy situation because we both still love each other and miss each other tremendously. Its so hard to get over him because he have a great deep connection. I know (hope) one day I can love someone else again but it feels like that will never happen. I can’t seem to get over him… my mind always falls back to what if and in a year maybe once he’s found himself he’ll come back. I know quite a few couples who went through those types of break ups and then they got back together. I wish I could fast forward to a year from now and see where we are. Has anyone been in or is in my situation? How did you cope?

[Romaks]

This is a very difficult situation. I feel like I'm going through the same thing with my ex girlfriend, in that she's just way too young to commit to me like I'm ready to commit to her ,and this confused her, and she ended things even though everything's perfect and we still love each other.

 

The thought that gets me through is the idea that if we're meant to be, then we will. In the mean time, I'm focusing on establishing myself. I'm in the best shape that I have ever been, I'm doing excellent in school, and I even got a new job. I know that with my promising future, I'll be Romaks 2.0, and if there's a chance for reconciliation, she'll see how strong of a man I have become (instead of a whiny alcoholic who thought too much of the what -if's.) At the end of the day, that's all I can do. She's my motivation, and I know that in a few years when we inevitably reconnect, she will be more mature and have a clearer picture of what life is, and I'll be there to give her what she wants.

 

I hope this helps you at least a little bit.

[Romaks]

And I don't mean to make it sound like I'm putting my life on hold for her either.

 

I know it's hard to imagine, but there are other people that can make you even more happy if you let them.

 

All I'm saying is, if neither of you find anyone, and he comes to a realization about how good you were to him, then there's always a chance of another relationship - one that will, perhaps, be even stronger and absent of doubt.

 

This is my hope.

Edited September 26, 2013 by Romaks

[lindsay1990]

I know this is such a cliché but you should act and live as if he's not going to come back, for you.

 

 

I felt the same about my ex, that the connection we had was so deep, so special but at the end of day (even despite my pleading and appealling to that so-called deep connection), maybe he didn't see it the same or it just didn't feel that deep or special to HIM. I'm not saying it didn't ever, but at least at the end, it wasn't worth it.

 

In my opinion, if someone asks you to break up or take a break, even if they are not 100% sure at the time, this always points to them being at least SURE ENOUGH that they would rather take a chance away from you. The sadder reality of this but the one you must face to move on is that they are even willing (or willing enough) to risk losing you. To time, to someone else, or whatever. I can only speak for myself when I say that when I love someone I would not risk losing them, so it is a big red flag for me and push in the right direction (the direction of moving on) when someone is willing to lose me. So maybe you can focus on this and try to let go? (or let go enough )

[lovelylilly]

It sounds like you're really young and he just wants to see what's out there before he settles. I know it hurts, I was with a guy for five years (throughout college and one year after). It was on again/off again for the whole five years and it was mainly because we were long distance. I studied abroad and moved to two different countries the last three years of our relationship. Just let him go and then focus on you and what makes you happy. I always hate it when people tell me this, but there's truth in it....just give it time. Good luck.

[jenn78]

thank you all for your perspectives, i really appreciate it. I know one day (hopefully) i'll move on from this but right now it seems like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I think it will take me moving onto someone else to get over my ex. But I don't find guys i like and find worth dating ever.

[lovelylilly]

I feel the exact same way with my current ex right now. I just decided to stay single because even the thought of dating other guys makes me sad right now. I've had two potential dates with two different guys since my recent break up and being asked out just made me run to the bathroom and cry. I hate that other people are going through this right now, it totally sucks. Just hang in there.

[jenn78]

I feel your pain... the thought of being with another guy just weirds me out. Its been a few months since my break up but its still very fresh. I keep waiting for a guy to give me the same feelings i had for my ex when i first met him... hasn't happened yet. I hate that people have to go through this situation too... its just plain crappy.

[lovesucks76]

I feel your pain... the thought of being with another guy just weirds me out. Its been a few months since my break up but its still very fresh. I keep waiting for a guy to give me the same feelings i had for my ex when i first met him... hasn't happened yet. I hate that people have to go through this situation too... its just plain crappy.

 

I couln'd stand looking at other girls when I broke up with my ex. Very weird and I hated that. It's like they owned you...crazy!

[jenn78]

i know.. i try to find guys that peak my interest but i haven't been very successful hah. My ex even said the same thing when we hung out the other week... he said trying to be with another girl just seems fake.

[justlooking463]

I'm going through the same thing, seems so easy for then to move on, my ex gf and i have been broke up for a little over a month, she's already with someone else has been for a few weeks now, after telling me she is in love with me and blah blah blah, it does suck, but what I've found to be helpful, is running and trying to get back in shape, i wasn't a fat guy, had more of a small beginning of a beer belly, but i have lost some weight and am starting to notice myself, even my ex noticed when she saw me last week. But it makes me feel better about myself and gives me something to look forward too.

[justlooking463]

But i know how u all feel, i can't even think about another woman right now and well i guess she has made her choice, by being with someone else, it really sucks i feel the way i do, can't stop thinking about her, while she's out not even giving me a thought at all, it really makes u question relationships in general.. I know it has for me. I'd rather be alone then to ever have to feel this way again. Hope everybodys situation gets better!

[melell]

I think what most of us miss is the companionship that comes from being with someone for a long time. You just can't replace it until you have been with someone else for a long time.

 

I feel like my ex couldn't careless. After 8 years that just blows my mind.

[jenn78]

i know my ex cares and thats the crappy thing, even though he recently told me he knows i'm not the one for him and i was pretty much close to perfect for him except for some things.. ouch. I told him that one day he will miss me and realize what he had was pretty great and it will be too late. He's very much a grass is greener but i'm curious as to what were the deal breakers for him.

[jenn78]

thanks for the reality check my friend