winterpast Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 (edited) Yesterday was H's day off. The only plans made for that day were to go to his parents for dinner. He spent all day on edge, snapping at every little thing. If the dog was in the way he would shout "Move! Stupid Dog!". He did admit that he was in a bad mood because he was seeing his parents that night. The dinner went fine, they didn't criticize anything and played with our son. We get home and he's still in a sour mood. I ask him what's wrong and he doesn't want to talk. I went to give our son a bath and H comes in the bathroom. He tells me that he's more on edge at home then he is at work. The reason is because at work "he's the boss" and at home he doesn't have any control. I asked for him to clarify, he said that I tell him what to do. OK???? I don't do that. EVERYTHING he does at home and especially on his days off are things HE made plans for. If he goes to the store, it's to buy his things. If he goes to run an errand then it's his errand. I never tell him where or when to go. He sleeps as late as his wants and does whatever he wants but he still says I'm controlling??? I'm really confused. I explained the above to him (in a more loving, respectful way). He says maybe I'm just controlling 50% of the time but can't give me examples, it's just how he feels. He also says that life controls him and it makes him miserable at home. He later gives me an example of my "controlling behavior". He says when I decide to make an appointment for the dogs grooming while he's at work is how I'm controlling. So, how I see it, he was in a mood because he's at home and not at work, he had to spend time with his family and parents, and he slept in too late to go to the hardware store to check out the new knives they have. He wanted someone to blame and of course it was me. I have made myself as separate from him as possible. Meaning, I live my day and do what needs to be done and take care of my son. I leave my husband ALONE. I don't ask him when he's coming home, what plans he has for the next day, or to do anything for me around the house. If I do ask any of those questions then I end up being told I'm controlling, so I just avoid. What else can I do besides just disappear?????? The title says depression because he told me that he sees me as controlling is because he's depressed all the time... Edited September 26, 2013 by winterpast Adding more info
Bubberfly Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 Mmmmm no. To me this sounds like there's something else going one. No one can be blamed for his depression, this to me is a cop out. You and I know very well, a person can be in an amazing point in their life and still be depressed. It's a chemical imbalance. He says he prefers being at work and being home is a nuisance? Nice how him choosing to have a family environment is a "nuisance" huh Based off of what you mentioned about his preference from work to home sounds like there's something going on. I would ask him why he prefers being at work rather than with his family. And the "controlling" subject, sounds like he's got control issues himself. You're controlling him though you leave him alone? Sorry, but in a relationship, technically you do "control" him. As does he control you. People behave and believe differently while in relationships, you're normally on your best behavior (I.e., the "control") I suggest letting him know that if he's so "depressed" he needs some counseling and possible medication. Maybe you two need to go through counseling as well. Maybe you should make your own plans without your husband and enjoy time with your son. If he doesn't want to communicate and is blaming you for his "woes" then yes. Maybe you should disappear. From the sounds of it, you've been raising your son by yourself anyway. 1
dichotomy Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 Depression can be internal (chemical imbalance)... or it can be cause by outside situations, issues, losses, or medical/health conditions. He definitely needs help to figure out what’s really behind this. 1
Author winterpast Posted September 26, 2013 Author Posted September 26, 2013 I suggest letting him know that if he's so "depressed" he needs some counseling and possible medication. Maybe you two need to go through counseling as well. He's been seeing a psychiatrist for two years now. He goes every three months, they talk for about 15-30 minutes. She prescribes his refills and repeat. He won't take any advice from her, he refuses to see anyone else and he chose this doctor in the beginning because he wanted 'pills'. I would ask him why he prefers being at work rather than with his family. He said it's because at work he's the boss.
darkmoon Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 (edited) depressed people? they have a chemical imbalance, I am sorry for your plight, he must get to a better doctor, or I can only assume that he likes woe Edited September 26, 2013 by darkmoon
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