How to handle this nasty fight/break up?

[rakasan]

I've been with him for about a year and a half. We've always had a "tumultuous" relationship, high highs and low lows. For the past 2 months things have been on the rocks. We've been through it all - a break up, a break, "space" and finally we decided that we were gonna stick it out, commit and do our best to keep things on an upward track.

 

That didn't go according to plan. Almost a week ago, a little fight turned into a huge blow out. It ended with a lot of nasty, horrible things said, mostly on his end. He kicked me out of his apartment (we aren't living together but I had spend most of my nights there so "unofficially" living together) and afterwards I immediately blocked him from all forms of contact (minus email). There are a lot of much uglier details I won't mention but long story short, there is a virtually no chance that we are staying together (it was THAT bad).

 

Here's the thing... we've been through a lot of fights, but none ever this bad. In truth, he was really good to me for most of our relationship. He always had a level head when we would fight and it was usually me being irrational and losing it. I never imagined he had this side to him and this behavior is really not like him at all. I don't want to get back together with him but I also don't want things to end on such a ****ty note. I really did love him and I know he really did love me, but clearly what we have now isn't healthy by any means. And here is where I would like some input:

 

1. Was it wrong for me to have blocked him without giving him a chance to say sorry?

 

2. It wasn't officially stated that we were broken up, but is that pretty much implied?

 

3. After a lot of tears and thinking and talking to my friends, is it stupid for me to want to break NC and tell him that I know that it was just the state of our deteriorating relationship that caused the fight and that I love him but that we just cannot be together?

 

4. Should I even talk to him at all?

 

5. ANY OTHER FEEDBACK

 

Much love,

Raka

[Philosoraptor]

1) No, you were in a "tumultuous" relationship which means ending things was inevitable.

 

2) If you don't plan on being with him anymore does it matter if the words "were broken up" were said? If the fight was that bad that he kicked you out and you went NC, I'd say it's implied.

 

3) No you shouldn't communicate at all. He knows why the relationship ended.

 

4) Why would you? If things were as bad as you say they you escaped before the fighting got even worse.

 

5) Move on, heal up, and find happiness in your own world.

[rakasan]

Thanks Philosoraptor! I guess I was just (foolishly) feeling guilty about this situation since I've done my fair share of messed up things. He was my first serious relationship and I feel like I have some sort of obligation to... not sure, set things right I suppose? But I guess that's on him.

[Philosoraptor]

Set things right for yourself by learning from this experience and taking that knowledge into the future. Life is one big growing experience and this is just one of many things you will have to learn about relationships.

 

You'll be fine as long as you make peace with everything in your own heart and let yourself be happy.